


Hook, Line and Sinker

by methurpleasee



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (On the radio- no one actually sings), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Exams, F/M, Films, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Minor Character Death, No Smut, PTSD, Secret Relationship, Songs, Unresolved Sexual Tension, please don't expect smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 17:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 54,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7396204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/methurpleasee/pseuds/methurpleasee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Merlin's mum convinces him to move to London, to finish his last year of university, and get the fresh start they both desperately need, he expects: new better friends, amazing end exam results and eventually a BAFTA for 'best new director', with his name on it. What he doesn't expect is crazy room mates, late night revision, more secrets and a one night stand with a certain fit blonde, with a bimbo for a girlfriend.</p><p>And he definitely doesn't expect to fall for him hook, line and sinker.</p><p>____________</p><p> <br/>**April 2017 update: IMPORTANT**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: An unexpected shag (and other unexpected occurrences).

**Author's Note:**

> Hey its Methurpleasee a.k.a Grace and this is the first fanfiction I have posted on here, or anywhere for that matter, so sorry if its not up to the standard of other Methur fics out there! 
> 
> I've always loved this pairing and I knew if I ever wrote a fanfiction about any couple it would be these two. They're so cute! Just a few more things to say before we begin:
> 
> 1\. This whole fic came to be when I was listening to 'Cheater' by the Vamps (great song you should go listen to it, but come back to read the story afterwards) and if you want any clues about where the fic is headed, listen to that! 
> 
> 2\. Also the quote at the start of the fic is from a song called 'She's American' by the 1975, which I love, and I just think that snippet from the song really goes well with how Merlin feels for most of this story. 
> 
> 3\. I proof read this myself so sorry if there are still a few mistakes. If you do find any comment away! And any advice on how I can improve my writing is always appreciated.
> 
> 4\. Brunel is a real university in London, but other things like the name of Merlin's flats on campus, and his old address I made up. 
> 
> 5\. Lastly just thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoy it ☺
> 
> Copyright © 2016  
> All rights go to the BBC and Shines limited. I am not earning any money from this story, if any characters resemble real people it is merely coincidental.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Merlin.

_________________________

  
Well your face has got a hold on me,  
But your brain- its proper weird,  
Are you feeling the same?  
You just keep nodding at me,  
Looking vacant.

__________________________

  
The flat door had barely closed behind them, before the fit blonde is pushing Merlin against it. Merlin's breath quickens, and he couldn't help but wish he was back at the flat with Gwaine and Will.

  
What had this guy said his name was again?

  
The boy's teeth scrape against Merlin's lips, as he tries to hold in a moan. And fails.

  
Was it Adam? Alex? Alfie? Merlin hoped he could leave tomorrow without asking his name. Or would that be rude? Or awkward. Merlin wished he was more experienced at this type of thing.

  
The boy just laughs, quickly moving his hands down to Merlin's jacket and pushing it down his arms; letting it fall to the floor. He moved in for another kiss and Merlin couldn't help but sigh in to it, wrapping his hands around the boy's broad shoulders. The boy pulled off his own jacket before leaning in to continue the kiss, tongue pushing in to Merlin's mouth, the taste of vodka strong on his breath. Merlin could feel himself getting harder, and he guessed the boy from the club could too, from the shit eating grin he was wearing, showing off his perfectly straight teeth. (To go along with the rest of him, Merlin thought.) They kick their shoes off, and the boy licks down his neck, circling his adam's apple.

  
"Having fun are we?" Merlin grates out not bothering to hide how turned on he was. The boy's breathy laugh hits his ears.

  
"Have you ever ... Ya know?" The boy whispers in to Merlin's ear, slipping his cold fingers under the fabric of Merlin's shirt, getting his question across without actually saying it.

  
"Yeah course. You?" Merlin bluffs.

  
Of course he had, had sex before, he was twenty one after all, but he had definitely never had a one night stand. That he could remember anyway. A flashback of being in a similar position with another very different guy, comes in to Merlin's mind, but he pushes it away. New start, he thinks to himself, new start.

  
"Obviously." He answers. Both their eyes meet as the boy's hands brush against Merlin's erection, making him hiss with want.

  
"So. Do you want to do it here, or. In the bed?"

  
Merlin considers his options. Have sex leaning against a hard, wooden door, with a random bloke pressed against you; or have sex pressed on a hopefully soft, bed with a random bloke pressed against you. It wasn't difficult.

  
"Where's your bedroom?"

  
The boy's grin widens even more, as he starts to pull at his own shirt, and drag Merlin further in to the dark flat.

  
He turns them around, so he can see where they're going Merlin presumes, But he doesn't take in to account that Merlin was the clumsiest person alive, bumping in to a sofa, a kitchen counter and what Merlin could only guess was a cat basket, before they reached there destination. His back is being pushed against yet another door, great he thinks, but that thought is quickly forgotten as his mouth is attacked once more. And he happily surrenders.

  
"Sorry I might have been lying about the whole... 'Done this before' thing." He says glancing up in to the boy's eyes when they eventually come for air, expecting to see annoyance, and only seeing amusement instead.

  
By now the boy's shirt is off, and Merlin almost misses what he says as he's staring at the muscular arms and toned chest that he was equipped with. Merlin wished he was that ... Solid.

  
He smiles. "Don't worry. Lets just hope you're better in bed, then you are at walking." He replies, as Merlin let out a surprised laugh. It died down as the boy's hand reached for Merlin's jeans, his cock perking in interest. His hand hovers in front of it, teasing merlin in to thrusting forward, whining at the missing contact. He smirks, and Merlin begins to become impatient; knowing the boy, the very hot, very annoying boy, was deliberately making him uncomfortable.

  
"I don't want to seem rude, but would you please just get the fuck on with it?" He growls loudly and the boys eyes widen in surprise, darken with desire. He doesn't answer just leans around Merlin, pulling the handle open and pushing Merlin's body forward with his own. Merlin goes willingly until his legs hit the bed, the boy following rapidly on top of him.

  
Merlin was in a new city, in a flat he'd never been to, about to have (hopefully) brilliant sex with the best looking guy he'd seen in a long time.

  
And god. Was he going to enjoy it.

__________________________

  
four weeks earlier.

  
His Mum hadn't been the same since the funeral.

  
Even though it had been a year and a half ago, and Merlin had pretty much been left to do everything, he still found his Mum making tea downstairs sometimes; at four o'clock in the morning. She always tried to hide the fact she'd been crying, pretending next door's loud music had kept her awake. But they'd both learnt to wear earplugs a long time ago. And anyway. His mum's puffy, sad eyes kind of gave it away.

  
All the same, except for that they had been fine (if you counted Merlin tip-toeing round his Mum: doing all the things she forgot to do, like shopping and ironing, fine) so Merlin was surprised one morning when he went downstairs, to find a letter on the ground addressed to his mum from Brunel University, London.

Was his Mum having a mid-life crisis? She wasn't going back to University, was she? Merlin doubted it as she was a fully qualified Chemist, working at a Chemists down on the high street every day except for Sundays, had been for twenty years. Still the letter was addressed to 'Mrs Hunith Emrys, 42, Weymouth Lane, Lutterworth, Leicester, FS3 15GW '.

  
He was about to put the letter back, pretend he hadn't seen it, when his Mum walked out of the living room, humming the tune to a song Merlin couldn't remember the name of. She saw him, cheerily waving good morning and noticed the letter in his hands.

  
"What's that Merlin? A letter from your secret admirer?" She laughed at her own joke, even though it wasn't that funny and Merlin silently snapped.

  
"No," He said out of gritted teeth, "its from Brunel University, and its addressed to you." Like a child who had just been caught doing something they knew they shouldn't be, Hunith's eyes flickered with worry. Just as quickly though it was replaced with a grin, as she laughed and proclaimed, "Don't be silly, they've probably just sent it to the wrong person. Give it to me and I'll send it back, on my way to work."

  
Merlin couldn't help but role his eyes. "I'm not stupid Mum. How many 'Hunith Emrys' do you think there are living in Lutterworth, or even England for that matter? Just tell me whats going on."

  
She clasped her hands together, and slumped down on the second step up the stairs. Merlin sighed, but sat down next to her all the same, waiting to see what she had to say. He couldn't help but think back to a time when they'd say here before just over a year ago, when she had told him something else that had changed his life.

  
"He's dead Merlin, I was driving the car and we were- we were arguing and I wasn't looking at the road and- oh god Merlin I'm so sorry."

  
He sniffed trying to come back to the present, where his Mum was still wringing her hands, trying to find the right words to explain ... Whatever this was.

  
"I could never lie to you. Even when you were 3, 4 you'd know what your birthday presents were, weeks before your actual birthday. You'd always say you were just playing hide and seek with your toys, but i'm pretty sure you were scoping them out, making sure you liked them. Then on your birthday you'd open them and try and look surprised, like I might have forgotten you'd found them already!"

  
"But no, Merlin I could never lie to you. And I would have told you about this, I would have I swear, but I didn't want to get your hopes, didn't think it would actually happen. After everything that's happened this last year, at home, at school; I just thought we could use a fresh start somewhere new. If this letter says what I hope it does then we're moving."

  
"WHAT?!" Merlin's initial reaction was panic. What about his degree, his friends- Merlin faltered. Since the incident Merlin had only had one friend to his name, and even then, he was just an owner of a book shop down the high street (that Merlin visited regularly) and was thirty years his senior, so he didn't really count. Maybe moving somewhere else would be a good thing. Get away from this town, the people. He sighed, and turned to his Mum, who hadn't tried to argue, just let the news sink in.

  
"Sorry, I was just- just shocked ya know? A change of scenery would probably be good for me, for us." He took his mum's smaller hand in his own, and squeezed it trying to reassure her. She squeezed back, smiling, starting to explain how she'd been offered a new job at a Chemists just outside of London.

  
"It's longer hours, but much better pay. We can't afford a flat up here, and in London so you couldn't stay up here, even if you wanted to."

  
Good, Merlin thought. He didn't.

  
"However," she started, dragging him off of the stairs, and over to the computer in the living room, both of them sitting on a squishy armchair, as Hunith turned the computer on. After a few seconds they were online, and Hunith was typing 'Brunel University, London' in to the search engine, "Brunel University is 17th on the league table- in the whole of England! An old friend of mine, Gaius, is a Professor their, and he said he would help, as he knew what qualities a top film student needed to possess. My job is about two hours from the campus you can live in, don't worry you'll get flatmates so you don't have to do everything for yourself.They do a really good film degree, you should see the results they got last year, and the halls of residence aren't too expensive, and there are bars and a garden and-"

  
As his Mum babbles on, a website packed with pictures of laughing students, and words filled with promise pops up. Merlin reads the words 'bars and clubs' on what the university has to offer and can't help but smirk.

  
"Mum! It looks fine okay. As long as the course is good, and they're covering everything i've been taught so far, I'd love to go." She breaks in to the biggest smile Merlin thinks he has ever seen, before she bundles him in to the most claustrophobic hug ever. Merlin starts to doubt his decision. "M-mum I can't ... Breath Mum."

  
"Sorry, sorry I'm just so excited- wait I haven't opened the letter yet, sugar!" She rips open the seal, and Merlin can't help but hold his breath, didn't realise how badly he wanted to be accepted until now. His Mum squeals and starts to read " 'We are writing to you to congratulate Merlin Emrys on securing a place in our Film degree program.' This is so exciting!"

  
" 'After seeing his outstanding results, we were more then happy to accept him. We hope he will enjoy his last year here of his scholarship, as much as he did his first three at Lutterworth. We will ring in the next week just to make sure Leicester know Merlin is leaving, we don't want any confusion! Our Term doesn't start until the 3rd September, but students can start arriving on the 25th August. We recommend you arrive at least three days before so you have time to unpack and settle in.' Yes thats a good idea Merlin, we must do that."

  
" 'We can't wait to meet Merlin this Autumn. Yours sincerely, Fracessca Albright, head of induction to Brunel University.' Did you hear that Merlin, your grades are outstanding!"

  
She suddenly turns to look at Merlin, placing her hand on his cheek, smoothing his ragged hair out of his eyes. Tears started to well up her eyes and Merlin prayed that she wasn't about to start crying. He hated seeing his Mum cry.

  
"I'm so proud of you. You do realise that right? I don't tell you enough." She smiles sniffing, turning back to the computer clicking on the 'courses' button.

  
"I know you're proud of me Mum. The amount of effort you've put in to finding me a place at this University ... I'm so thankful for it." He lays his hand on hers.

  
They glance, at each other heart-warmingly for a second, before they turn back to the computer Merlin asking whether the course will have films from the 'action' or 'romance genres.

  
Neither of them mention the hidden sentence, in Hunith's words just a few seconds earlier.

  
He would be so proud of you too, I know he would.

__________________________

  
The bell on the door to 'ye olde book shop' pinged loudly and Derek or 'Dragon' as everyone around here called him, came in to view, his kind, old face scrunched in to a smile.

  
Merlin had asked many times why he was called 'Dragon', but each time Derek had refused to answer him, just carried on filling the shelves, with more dusty, old books. Merlin supposed he would never know now he was leaving. His heart plummeted at the thought.

  
Some of Merlin's best memories were made in this shop. He could still remember coming in here, only about ten years old at the time, to get out of the rain. Water dripping from his hair and clothes; Derek had looked at him, laughed and popped to the back of the shop to get a towel for him. He can remember Derek sitting down on a chair next to one of the shelves and staring at him, like you might stare at a book while trying to decide whether its worth reading or not.

  
"Well the rain, doesn't look like it's going to stop anytime soon and i've got some new books in, that I guess you could have a look at. If you're careful." Merlin can remember running over and sitting across from him, eyes filling with wonder as Derek started to open the book and began to read.

  
Most of the his summers had been spent in this shop, reading and helping around the shop, mostly in his earlier years. He would help stack the shelves, and deal with customers of the younger generation. Mostly though he read. Read books about spies, monsters, pirate ships and fantasy worlds Merlin wished he could visit outside of a book.

  
When he turned sixteen, Derek was even kind enough to give him a job, basically doing the same thing, but paying him for it. Merlin pondered for a second on whether next year Derek would let him work here again, or whether he would even need to ask. London was after all a big city. There must be someone there, looking for a boy even more obsessed with films, then he was with books.

  
"Hi Merlin, if you've come in for the new Karen Fortunati book, I'm afraid they're not in until-

  
"That's great Dragon, but I actually came in to, er tell you something. Something important." Merlin glanced up at him, and saw the glimmer in his eyes fade for a more serious look, eyebrows drawing together. He directed Merlin over to his favourite chairs, two soft armchairs at the back of the shop hidden from view of any customers, and they sat opposite each other; Derek patiently waiting to hear what he had to say.

  
Merlin slowly started to tell him about the letter, and how excited his Mum was, how it was a great opportunity and how it would be a good change for him, and his Mum. Derek nodded in all the right places, seeming more curious then sad and Merlin didn't know whether that should worry him. When he'd finally finished his story, telling Derek about his 'outstanding grades', they sat in silence for a moment, Merlin waiting to see what Derek was going to say.

  
"Like you said Merlin," Derek started, standing up and walking over to the cash machine, writing something down that Merlin couldn't read, "it sounds like it could be a big opportunity for you and your mother. But after everything that's happened these last few months, years ... Don't let anyone dictate what you can and can't do. Just choose the path in life that will make you happiest. Just do what makes you happy." He paused looking over at Merlin, just like he had on the first day they met, studying him.

  
"You will do that for me, yes?"

  
Merlin wasn't really sure what Derek had meant, but he nodded eagerly standing up and walking over to the counter, promising he would. Derek nodded at this and held out his hand for Merlin to shake.

  
"Well good luck to you Merlin Emrys. I know you'll go far, and probably become quite famous, but remember to visit your old friend the dragon every now and again, okay?" Merlin almost asked him why he was called that, thought he might answer as he was leaving, but decided not to. The mystery that surrounded the nickname was like the ending of a book. You shouldn't find it out until the end.

  
They shook hands, and Merlin begun to walk towards the front door, taking one more lingering look around the dusty shelves, books and patterned armchairs that littered the shop floor.

  
He was going to miss this shop. He wouldn't miss much about this place, but this shop. It was his second home.

  
The door clattered behind him, as he strolled down the high street, walking towards a better university, a better future, a better life.

_________________________

  
"Are you sure you've got everything?" Hunith asked for what felt like the hundredth time as Merlin pushed the last box, mostly filled with books, films and posters, in to the boot of the car. He sighed turning to face his Mum, and put his hands on her shoulders.

  
"Mum, I've got everything, I know I have because you've asked me at least four times and every time we've stopped what we're doing and checked all of the boxes. Its nearly half twelve and we were supposed to leave at eleven o'clock. So, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, can we please get on and leave?"

  
His Mum laughed, a little crazily, and apologised. When they'd shut the boot, and locked the front door, they sat down in the seats at the front of the car.

  
"Sorry Merlin, its just we never did this before did we? Lutterworth is only twenty minutes away so I never had to do the 'teary goodbye' thing. I'm just proud is all. You're growing up."

  
Hunith didn't start her new job until the middle of the next month, so they'd decided Merlin would go up at the end of August, move in to his new flat and his Mum would follow him up in September. Then when he got settled in, he could help his Mum move in all their belongings in to the new flat. That was the plan anyway.

  
Now they'd gotten to round to actually executing the plan however Merlin wasn't so sure. If he wasn't careful his Mum might refuse to leave his new flat at the campus, until he'd met all of his flatmates and checked for any dangers. (But that was a worst case scenario. At least Merlin hoped it was.)

  
"I know Mum. But you'll see me in just over two weeks when I help with you're- our new flat. And the campus is only two hours away, so I can visit you whenever you want." He replied, while his Mum started to fuss with the map. She didn't believe in sat-navs, never had. 'Anything a computer can do a human can do, just as well!' Came in to his mind, from long ago camping trips that never happened, because his Mum couldn't find the muddy field they were meant to spend the night in. Merlin didn't mind, he much preferred his bed.

  
"Why don't you let me read the map, while you drive Mum?" His Mum's face lit up at the question, and they switched seats after she'd handed him the map.

  
"Ok so when you get to the M25, take the first left..."

________________________

  
As they pulled in to the campus after four hours on the motorway (which wasn't actually Merlin's fault- there was a traffic jam) Merlin couldn't help but sigh with relief. The road they drove down pulled in to driveway, and Hunith followed a bright green car until they finally found a parking spot. In front of it stood two grey buildings, grey with age and covered with ivy. The light was already fading from the sky however and Merlin insisted his Mum just leave the boxes and him on the pavement. She refused, but after a minute of arguing with no raised voices, She begrudgingly agreed.

  
Exactly twenty seven minutes later Merlin was stranded on the side of the road with five boxes and a backpack. He was starting to regret his idea. His Mum had said to call him if there were any problems, with tears in her eyes god. But he couldn't call her could he? If he did she would insist on coming up to the flat and she may even scare his roommates enough it to not liking him.

  
He was just considering shouting for help, when a young girl with frizzy hair and a taller boy came out of a near by building. He didn't need to wave or cry, as the girl spotted him immediately, dragging herself and the boy over to help.

  
She held her hand out and introduced herself, not waiting for a reply "I'm Gwen and this is Lance, and you look new judging by the boxes. Do you need help? We can help you with the boxes, where are you staying?"

  
Merlin tried to follow what she was saying but the boy beside her was rolling his eyes and mouthing 'sorry', and now he begun to wrap his arm around her shoulder and say "Sorry about her, she gets a bit overexcited when she meets new people."

  
Merlin laughed telling them it was fine. "Its really kind of you offer, help would be great. Especially because i'm not 100% sure where room 32, fox hu-"

  
"ROOM 32, FOX HUT HOUSE? That's my room! How wonderful, you must be the new boy, we were told about you. Oh Gwaine will be pleased."

  
"Why?" Although Merlin wasn't sure he actually wanted to know the answer.

  
"Because you're cute of course." She answered, like Merlin should know. He laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. Lance elbowed her in the arm, and as Gwen moaned in annoyance he said "Should you be saying someone else is, cute while your boyfriend is standing right next to you?"

  
"Well it's true! I'm just trying to make him feel welcome." Gwen replied, nonchalantly winking to show Merlin she was joking. Thank god, he thought. Lance was double his size in body mass and height, and he didn't fancy his odds, if they got in to a fight. Not that he'd want to date Gwen. He wasn't really ... That type.

  
"Oh trust me, Gwaine will make him feel welcome enough." Lance replied, picking up two of the boxes easily, as Gwen took a third. Merlin took the last two (lighter then Lance's thankfully), and they made their way over to the admin office.

  
Once Merlin had signed in and been given his keys, Gwen and Lance walked him over to his flat that he would be sharing with Gwen, Gwaine and another boy called Will, he soon found out from Gwen.

  
"How do you cope with living with two guys? three now, sorry about that."

  
She giggles, stepping on to stone pavement, as they walk past more grey buildings passing chattering students, some already drunk even though it wasn't even five o'clock yet, "Air freshener. And there are two bathrooms, so we kind of have an agreement that the boys use one and I have the other. Now you've arrived we might have to change that now..." She answered, waiting to see whether Merlin would protest or not.

  
"Oh no! No its fine as long as Gwaine, and Will right? If they're both okay with it then I don't mind. You are the only girl after all its the least we can do."

  
"I think i'm going to like living with you Merlin." She sang cheerfully and Merlin and Lance both laughed. He soon found out that Gwen and Lance were both studying Media Studies, and both wanted to be journalists. They'd met on the first day of the first year, had started dating two months later and been together ever since. He could tell just from knowing them for twenty minutes they were made for each other. Lance's cool attitude really balanced out Gwen's madness.

  
Gwen stopped in front of a smaller building near the schools library and Lance pushed open the door. The ceiling light shone in Merlin's eyes as they adjusted to the light. Stairs led up to more flats, while corridors zoomed off left and right, leading to more rooms.

  
"We're upstairs, and the lift is broken I'm afraid. Come on its only four flights of stairs." Gwen ran ahead and the others trudged behind leaning back under the weight of their boxes. Once they had made their way up all of the stairs, Gwen led them down to a flat in the middle, music radiating from the inside. Gwen groans.

  
"I keep telling him to turn it down. We've already had two warnings." She mumbles pulling out a set of keys, complete with a Gryffindor crest and camera keyrings, and went to opem the door, when it flew open, a girl shouting over the music.

  
"You're an arsehole Gwaine!" She screamed, not yet noticing the three of them standing there watching. A boy with luscious curly hair and a body to die for, if Merlin said so himself, walked out of a door on the left; clad in Queens Park Rangers boxers. So, Merlin thought. That's the mysterious Gwaine.

  
"Sorry Elena I was drunk, and I thought..."

  
"WHAT?!" She yelled back, her eyes eyebrows rising, until they were hidden behind her short brown hair. He pushed his hair out of his eyes, obviously trying to hide a grin.

  
"Look you had fun. I was able to offer my services to someone who probably isn't that experienced in this department, and had fun too," he said calmly, pulling a blue long sleeved t-shirt on. "But now its 5 o'clock and I don't really feel like sleeping with you a fourth time so... If you wouldn't mind." He finished, making a shooing motion with his hands.

  
Elena looked like she wanted to cry, punch Gwaine and scream all at the same time. Instead she choose to say, "Your a bastard Gwaine. I don't why everyone says you're so good in bed, because actually you're not. Now if you'll excuse me."

  
The trio at the door, moved aside to let her storm past and as soon as the lift doors had closed behind her, they burst out laughing. Because what, Merlin thought, else could they have done in that situation? Gwaine grinned, his eyes shooting to Merlin's, the latter already feeling his cheeks heat up.

  
"Who is this wonderful specimen, that i'm guessing by the boxes is our new roomie? Are you sure there's an extra room, because I don't mind sharing." He said, bitten lip and raised eyebrow making Merlin's insides feel mushy. He tried to shake himself out of it. He couldn't sleep with one of his flatmates. Or anyone on campus. For at least a month anyway.

  
"Really? I literally just watched you stamp on that girls heart, I haven't even stepped in to this flat yet and you're already trying it on with me?" Merlin asked exasperated.

  
"Yes."

  
"Well the answers no. Never. Sorry." Merlin replied, and watched Gwaine's smirk fall for a second (he wasn't used to getting rejected.) Just as quickly he was putting his hands on his heart, saying "Ow I've- I've just been shot AH!" He laughed at his own joke and held his hand out, walking over to Merlin so he could shake it.

  
"I'm Gwaine. Truce?" He questioned and Merlin sighed, taking the hand and excepting the truce.

  
"This is all very cute but my arms are slowly dying so if you don't want to stop staring in to each others eyes, can you at least get out of the way so we can put your boxes in your room Merlin?" Gwen asked, sarcastically, and Merlin stepped back immediately to let her through. Gwaine took one of Merlin's boxes, winking before he followed Gwen down a corridor to the left. Merlin rolled his eyes.

  
"Don't worry about Gwaine. He'll flirt with anything on two legs as long as it's got a pulse. He's only got eyes for one bloke though." Lance said from beside, an almost sad smile gracing his face.

  
"Who?" Merlin asked, intrigued.

  
"My flat mate, Leon. He transferred here two years ago, and Gwaine's been smitten ever since. He's never said but you should see the way he looks at him. Leon's oblivious to it though, but Gwaine does flirt with most people so its not exactly surprising." Merlin couldn't imagine Gwaine looking at anyone like he was in love with them. It didn't seem like a feeling he might possess, especially by the way he'd just treated that girl seconds ago.

  
"Then why does he sleep with other people?"

  
"Why do you think Merlin? A boy's got needs. Oh i'm having a 'back to school for the last time' do tomorrow, you can come if you want witness Gwaine drooling at Leon first hand. Gwen and Will are going and my flatmates are gonna bring some people. Its not a big party or anything. We grew out of those about two years ago."  
Merlin laughs, saying he'd love to go.

  
Just then Gwaine popped his head out of the near by corridor, clad in jeans, that hugged his thighs nicely. No, merlin thought, no. Not at this school, you've made that mistake already. He needed to make actual friends before he got in to any kind of relationship.

  
"Oi you two, Gwen and I were just saying that after we've helped- sorry I didn't catch your name." He said, having the decency embarrassed.

  
"Its Merlin."

  
"Ok after we've helped Merlin the wizard here unpack we could go out for a drink somewhere if you fancy?" He asked, eyes glimmering.

  
"I thought you were hungover?" Merlin replied, curtly.

  
"I am but by the time we've finished this and Will's back I'll be pretty much sobered up. So do you wanna?" He fired back, arms folded.

  
"Count me in." Lance answered first, so Merlin had to say yes, or he'd look like he was saying no to spite him. Gwaine rubbed his hands together looking like a cat who just got the cream, or alcohol in this matter.

  
"Right come on then lads! The sooner we're done here the sooner we can get out and get bladdered!" Gwaine shouted as he ran back down the corridor, the other boys following close behind.

_________________________

  
In the end by helping Gwaine meant making fun of all of Merlin's 'weird indie films', but it was still more fun, unpacking with other people. He found out Gwen was another big Harry Potter fan, although he'd already guessed from the keyring earlier. They got chatting about whether the books or the films were better, and after that time seemed to fly by.

  
Merlin decided to hang up all of his film posters later (he wasn't embarrassed, he just didn't know which wall he wanted them on right now) and as soon ad he'd put all of his clothes in the wardrobe and chest of drawers; sorted out his duvet and pillow and Moved his school books on to one shelf, his other books on to a second one, they were done.

  
Gwaine said he'd texted Will to say they were going out for drinks to celebrate their new roommate Merlin, and Will had replied saying 'Okay, I'll be back in half an hour- forty-five minutes tops, unless Merlin can cast a spell to make this meeting go any faster. But as thats unlikely I'll see you later, W.'

  
Lance offered to get his car from his the car park, which was a good half an hour walk if he stopped at his place as well, so that gave them time to get ready. Merlin was surprised to find he didn't drink, but was more then happy that they had a designated driver. Not that he was going to get that drunk anyway.

  
Gwaine ran off to take a shower as he still smelt of stale booze, so while Merlin was waiting he sent a quick text to his mum. 'Hey settled in to my new flat, my flat mates are all really nice. There even taking me out for drinks to celebrate by arrival! See you soon Mum, love Merlin.'

  
After Gwaine came out of the shower room, wearing nothing but a tiny, loose towel and dripping water from his hair- much to Merlin's disgust (delight)- he quickly ran in and washed his hair, with the full bottles of shampoo and conditioner his Mum had packed. He wrapped a much bigger blue towel around himself, and walked back to his room. When he'd got changed in to black skinny jeans and a lose top that read 'You talkin' to me?' There was a knock at the door.

  
"Come in." He shouted trying to towel dry his hair a bit more. Gwen's head popped round the door with Merlin's shampoo and conditioner in her hands. She was wearing a short, magenta, skater dress, some of her hair pinned up with flowers. Merlin had to admit she looked beautiful. He raised his eyebrows in question.

  
"I know I'm not meant to go in your bathroom, but I noticed there were two of each of these and I guessed these two were yours. I wouldn't leave them in the bathroom, only because Gwaine will use them, and they'll run out so quickly. He always forgets to buy his own." She put them down on his desk, turing towards Merlin again.

  
"Thanks Gwen, I'll try and remember that. You look lovely by the way." She blushed at the compliment and replied, "You don't look too bad yourself. Will got back fifteen minutes ago, if you want to meet him."

  
Merlin nodded, following Gwen back out of his room, after he'd grabbed his jean jacket, his wallet, keys and phone in various pockets of his attire. A boy Merlin didn't recognise sitting on a squashy sofa in the living area, jumped up as he approached offering his hand and introducing himself as 'William but everyone calls me Will.' He found out that Will was studying film too, but wanted to write instead of direct. He asked Merlin when his lectures are, Monday two o'clock to four, Wednesday one o'clock to three and Thursday twelve o'clock to two thirty, and they found that all of their lessons were at the same time, in the same place, with the same teacher.

  
Will laughed saying "You'll like Gaius, Merlin. He's quite eccentric but a really good professor. You should hear some of his stories." Gaius, Merlin thought. Wasn't that professor who his Mum had asked for help? He told himself to thank him at his first lecture next Monday. He had a week and a bit to settle in until then, but he'd remember.

  
By the time Lance was beeping from downstairs, in his car, it was nearly 9 o'clock they were all ready to go. When they'd made their way outside there was a bundle for seats. Gwaine ran for the front seat, but Gwen was quicker saying 'it's my boyfriends car, Gwaine not yours.' Merlin ended up squashed in the back, between a glaring Gwaine and a silently laughing Will. He had offered to sit in the middle to stop further arguments, but was now regretting his choice completely, not realising now small this car was; from the outside. He smiled as Lance turned the radio up, 'Soundcheck' by Catfish and the Bottlemen playing, and he set off, wheels  
crunching over tarmac as they drove towards a club further out of town.

  
Oh well, Merlin thought. The club couldn't be that far away could it?

__________________

  
Stepping out of the car after being stuck there for twenty-five minutes was bliss for Merlin's groaning legs. Lance went to park the car and they made their way towards a bright flashing sigh saying 'Horizon'. As they all had ID cards and were well over twenty they got in quickly, Gwaine pulling Merlin straight towards the bar. He ordered drinks for everyone and Merlin carried back his and Will's to a table, Gwen had somehow secured in the cramped club. When he sat down, passing Will his drink he finally had the chance to look around.

  
Most of the club was taken up by a dance floor, disco lights beaming, as a DJ played 'White Noise' by disclosure. The floor was heaving with people, lots more sitting at tables or around booths. Stools around the bar held even more people, requesting drinks from bar tenders, shaking cocktails and serving shots. Merlin was just thinking of asking if anyone fancied a shot, because he did, when Lance walked up to their table.

  
"Guinevere, would you be so kind as to give me this dance?"

  
"Why yes Lancelot, I will." They bowed and curtsied to each other, making the boys laugh, and walked towards floor holding hands.

  
"Are they always that sickeningly cute?" Merlin shouted over the music, watching Lance spin Gwen around, hair spinning around her head, flowers like a halo.

  
"Yes." The others chorused, before Gwaine jumped up saying "Will needs at least two more drinks before he's drunk enough to dance, so down that my friend and I will get in another round!" With that he rushed back over to the bar, smiling charmingly at the female bar tender. Merlin couldn't hear what he was saying but whatever it was, the bartender giggled at it and started making more drinks for them straight away,

  
"God," Will huffed, "you really can't take him anywhere. He probably knows half the people in this club, judging by the amount of people he's slept with."

  
Merlin wondered if Will knew about Gwaine's apparent feelings for Lance's flatmate, but before he could ask, Gwaine was back at the table with a tray of six shot glasses. Merlin winced, already feeling the headache that these would no doubt cause tomorrow.

  
"Drink up boys." Gwaine whooped, knocking back the shot in one, not even grimacing at the foul after taste. Will and Merlin did the same, almost gagging, before another shot was being pushed in to their hands, after taste even worse then the first. Will began to laugh at nothing, and Merlin could already feel his mind getting foggier.

  
They were pulled on to the dance floor (by Gwaine, who else?) jumping around to the beat, screaming the words of the songs, laughing when they got them wrong. Song after song they danced, Merlin's forehead covered in sweat, his jeans sticking to him. As he danced he turned to see Gwen and Lance snogging, as they danced close together. In his drunken stated Merlin pointed towards them and whistled, the others grinning and doing the same. Lance came them the finger and that just seemed to make it funnier, Merlin leaning on Gwaine for support.

  
After three hours of dancing, when Merlin's mouth had began to feel so dry he could barely swallow, he told the others he was going to get a drink. Carefully making his way over to the bar he approached the same bartender who had served Gwaine before, and asked for a glass of tap water. He checked his phone to see the time was 12:10. He wondered how much longer it would be, before it was acceptable to leave.

  
"Is your top supposed to stop people from wanting to start a conversation with you?"

  
Merlin jumped, turning to see that the question had come from a boy who looked about his age, grinning down at him. Tall, blonde, fit if the muscles being hugged by his own t-shirt was anything to go by. Boys like him should come with blinking, red warning signs saying 'don't touch!'. Merlin should've ran while he had the chance. But he was drunk. So instead he answered with, "Well even if it was, it didn't work on you did it?" The boys eyes widened in surprise.

  
"Seriously though, why does it say that?" Merlin blinked at him. Was he joking? Had he really just said that? Merlin was offended.

  
"Taxi, 1976, Robert De Niro? 'You talkin' to me?' One of the most famous quotes from a film ever?" The boys mouth formed an 'o' shape, realisation clear in his eyes.

  
"Oh. Yeah I've heard of that film."

  
"Yeah, oh. I've seen it. Six times." The boy actually laughed out loud at that, asking him why he would want to watch the same film, six times. Which set Merlin off in to a rant about why Taxi was on his 'top ten best films of all time'. The guy actually seemed genuinely interested, listening to what Merlin had to say. The only person that would ever normally listen to him nattering about films was him Mum, and most of the time she wasn't paying full attention anyway.

  
When he'd finished the boy was still staring at him, intently and Merlin could feel himself blushing, not knowing where to look.

  
"I've never seen you around before, what's your name?" The boy asked still staring at him. Merlin, even though he was drunk, remembered the whole 'stranger danger' thing so he considered not telling him his real name. But then he reasoned with himself, thinking his name was so strange, the guy probably wouldn't believe it was his real name anyway.

  
"Merlin. I've only just moved here." He decided not to mention he was going to Brunel University. He didn't know whether this guy was a weirdo or not.

  
They started chatting some more, the boy introducing himself as Arthur, a lawyer, saying he'd lived in London for two years working for a big lawyer firm. In his drunken state Merlin didn't hear the name, or maybe it wasn't mentioned, he couldn't be sure. Arthur brought him a few more drinks, drinking just as much himself until they were both staring in to each others eyes so much, that to anyone else it would've looked like they were already dating.

  
His flatmates hadn't come to look for him, and he didn't have any of there numbers. So when Arthur put his hand on Merlin's leg and asked if he wanted to go back to his, he couldn't exactly tell them where he was going. But Merlin was in his happy, little drunken bubble by this point, so he just nodded, followed Arthur willingly out to his awaiting car. Merlin, too tipsy to question the chauffeur, opening the car door for them, climbed in and giggled as Arthur sat beside him, eyes dark, hands in Merlin's hair, pulling him in for a kiss before the car had even started.

  
Not that it mattered. Merlin wasn't going to complain.

_________________

  
present day.

  
Just a few more steps and he'd be at the door. Fully clothed and pulling his shoes on, shoving his socks in to his pockets, he wills his feet not to make any noise. Ignoring his throbbing head, he listens for any noise from the bedroom.

  
Nothing.

  
Reaching his hand out he pulls down the handle and opens his escape to freedom-

  
"Going somewhere?" Why is the boy from last night, standing on the other side of the door? Of his flat? Wearing tracksuit bottoms and a short sleeved, baggy vest that doesn't leave much to imagination. He grins pushing Merlin back in to the flat, closing the door firmly shut, before leaning back on it. Merlin swears under his breath, leaning against the back of a leather sofa in the middle of the living area.

  
"You weren't trying to leave without saying goodbye, were you Merlin?" How could the boy remember his name, but he couldn't say the same for his. What was it? Aaron, Albert, Alexander? For god's sake Merlin hated hangovers. He tried to appear relaxed, shaking his head and answering "No I was just looking for you."

  
The boy nodded, seemed convinced and walked towards Merlin again, till they were face to face (chest to chest), fingering the collar of Merlin's jacket. "Why have you got your jacket on then?" He said, to which Merlin merely shrugged, lost for words at the close proximity.

  
"Let's just take this off then, yeah? Wouldn't want you to get too hot now would we?" He said coyly, pulling the fabric off of Merlin's slim shoulders, letting it drop on to the sofa. Merlin needed to leave, before he did something he'd later regret. Again.

  
He slipped out from the boys grip, grabbing his jacket and backing towards the door, the boys smirk already prominent on his face. This is exactly what Merlin had been trying to avoid. The awkward conversation, he was undoubtably going to have to participate in after doing it. With a guy's who name he couldn't even remember.

  
"Sorry but I do really have to go. My flatmates, they'll be wondering where I am and", he ran his fingers through his hair, the alcohol from last night, still bitter on his tongue, "Look. I had a really good time last night, you- you were great okay? But I do really need to go. Thanks for all of this."

  
He nods, understandingly, opening the door, so Merlin can leave. "Its okay Merls I understand. If I ever see you again and you want another round ... I won't say no." He winked and Merlin could feel himself blushing, embarrassed but also kind of flattered.

  
"Okay, cool. Bye then?"

  
"Goodbye Merlin." He answered, closing the door behind him, still smirking. Merlin shakily walked over to what he presumed was a lift. While he was waiting for it to arrive, he took the chance to check out where he actually was.

  
The boy's flat was at the end of a long corridor, the floor carpeted cream (actual carpet!) three matching chandeliers lighting the way to the lift. There was no litter, no graffiti, no questionable stains on the carpet. Merlin couldn't believe he'd pulled a rich boy, laughing to himself as the lift arrived. A woman walked past him out of the lift, inky black hair flying past her shoulders.

  
They exchanged polite smiles as he moved in to the lift, pressing the ground floor button, not yet thinking about how far he was from the campus.

________________________

  
Two hours; a bus journey, after asking a confused french tourist for directions, and a half hour walk later, Merlin finally got back to the campus. His phone said it was nearly ten o'clock as he was walking back in to the gates, just about remembering the route he had taken before to get to his flat.

  
He got a few weird looks from people walking by, knew he looked as hungover as he felt. But before long he was walking out of the lift, over to room 32, pushing the key in to door, praying silently that everyone was still in bed. If he had a chance to just shower, and put on a change of clothes he could at least try to pretend he hadn't been with someone the whole night.

  
"The wizard returns! Where have you been all night love?" Gwaine shouted from the front room, head twisting over the back of the sofa. Will came out of the kitchen, bowl of cornflakes in hand waving at Merlin before he walked back over to what Merlin presumed was his bedroom. Merlin sat down opposite Gwaine on the sofa, feeling his playful eyes land on him.

  
"Crumpled clothes, messy hair, random bite mark on your neck," Merlin unconsciously reached a hand to his neck, sighing as Gwaine laughed, "Ha, I can't believe you fell for that. You slept with someone right? So who's the lucky girl? Or guy?" He questioned eyebrows wriggling.

  
Merlin was just about to answer, when the door opened again revealing Gwen (and how did she look that good after a night out!) who shrieked when she saw Merlin running over and hitting him on the arm.

  
"Um ow!" Merlin shouted, rubbing his arm in fake agony.

  
"Where the hell were you? We looked for you everywhere, the girl on the bar said you'd gone off with some guy-"

  
"HA! So it was a guy! What was his name? Was he fit, did you get his number?" Gwaine said, firing questions at him. Gwen smiled excitedly, sitting down next to Gwaine, staring at Merlin expectantly.

  
"He was a lawyer, and I- I forgot his name, he definitely told me it, I was just too drunk to remember. He lived in some big, fancy flat two hours away it took me ages to get back. And no Gwaine I didn't get his number." Gwaine's face dropped, and so did Gwen's.

  
"Why?!"

  
"It didn't really feel like a first date. It felt more like a one night thing. And anyway I've only just got here I don't want to tie myself down with a boyfriend before the term has even started." Merlin retorted, and Gwen nodded, a sad smile appearing on her face.

  
"Oh well Merlin. You never know he might turn un somewhere." Gwen said, blatantly trying to make Merlin feel better. He smiled at her effort.

  
"Yeah and if you do see him, say you made the biggest mistake of your life, and snog him senseless!" Gwaine added, making them both laugh.

  
"Seriously promise me?"

  
"Okay I promise."

____________________

  
By the time Merlin had showered and changed, it was already time to head over to Lance's 'start of term' party. If Merlin was being honest he didn't really have the energy to be nice to people, but he didn't want to disappoint Gwen, and Lance had helped him unpack after all.

  
They walked over in a group at twelve o'clock because 'Lance needed help making food' so they were arriving early to heat up all the food Gwen and Lance had been making for the last week. Merlin thought this was supposed to be a small party.

  
Gwaine slung his arm round Merlin's shoulder. "Don't worry about meeting all of our friends. I like you so they'll like you." Merlin smiled, but he was more nervous of throwing up on Lance's floor. He wasn't too bad at meeting new people, but he'd never had to while hungover. He was hoping it wouldn't go too badly. What's the worst that could happen?

  
They walked up the stairs to Lance's flat, Gwen, apparently having her own key, opened the door, shouting hello to Lance. The boy in question ran out, relieved to see Gwen, pulling her in to the kitchen, mumbling something about 'a burnt banoffee pie'.

  
Merlin looked at the other boys, wondering whether to follow them. Gwaine steered him towards a room in the other direction.

  
"Its probably better to leave them to it. And while there doing that we can sit down and get started on some drinks." Merlin groaned, and Gwaine guffawed, patting his back comfortingly. They sat down in the living room, and Gwaine turned the radio on 'Girls' by The 1975, blaring from the speakers.

  
As the hours went by more people arrived. Merlin met Lance's other roommates Freya and the in-famous Leon. Merlin didn't fail to notice the way Gwaine's smile burned a bit brighter, the way he sat up a bit straighter. Even though Leon was none the wiser, chatting to Will about the latest football results. Every now and then Leon would ask Gwaine what he thought of something, and Gwaine would stumble like a thirteen year old girl around their crush, and Leon would just laugh and turn back to Will. That didn't deter Gwaine though, shooting Leon lovey-dovey eyes every five minutes.

  
He also met Morgause and Percival, friends of Lance's, who also took film. That was familiar territory for Merlin as he began to talk about the new adaptation of 'Ghost Busters' and how it was going to be different, but equally as good as the first one.

  
Just before Lance finally brought the food out, Merlin popped to the bathroom. While he was washing his hands, he heard the door opening and a couple walkinin, laughing with Lance. At the prospect of meeting more new people, Merlin slowed down waiting for them to go in to the Living room before he came out of the bathroom.

  
He walked in to the kitchen, Gwen turning, red in the face carrying a tray filled with sausage rolls in oven-gloved hands. Merlin tried not to laugh.

  
"You okay Gwen? Do you need a hand?" She flailed her hands around, shaking her head.

  
"No, no Merlin, go back in the living room, I'm fine, Lance will back in a minute." She smiled, as the smoke alarm went off. Merlin ran over to help, but Gwen was already pulling a slightly charred pizza out of the oven.

  
"What happened, are you guys alright?" Lance charged in to the kitchen, surveying the scene. Merlin reassured him that it was all fine, and he made his getaway back in to the Living room. Only after Gwen had shooed him out, demanding he leave the cooking to the professionals. He walked back in to see everyone facing two people laughing at a story someone was telling them. Merlin couldn't see them yet because a huge bookcase stood next to the door, blocking his view.

  
"-So then we were walking out of the hotel and do you know who we saw? It was so weird even Ar- oh, who are you?" A girl with curly blonde hair, who was telling the story looked over at him, causing the rest of the group to do the same. So did the boy sitting next to her.

  
And for a second the world seemed to stop.

  
"That's Merlin. Our new roommate. This is Sophia and Arthur, Lance's other roommate."

  
He smiled weakly, but could barely hear what Gwaine was saying, over the ringing in his ears, that he couldn't blame on his hangover.

  
Because there, sat next to Sophia was Arthur, the same Arthur who had flirted with him in a club, slept with him, pretended he was a lawyer. Who owned the flat they'd stayed in? He'd seemed so honest. Merlin wanted to laugh and throw up at the same time.

  
Merlin couldn't think. Sophia started to continue the story, grabbing Arthur's hand who wouldn't stop looking at Merlin. Merlin looked at the hands, connected the dots.

  
Obviously he'd slept with a guy who went to his University. Obviously he lived with his flatmate's boyfriend. And obviously he had a girlfriend. He'd had a one night stand with a liar, a stranger and really Merlin thought, he deserved this. Call it karma.

  
Shit, Merlin thought.

  
Shit.

_____________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you didn't see that coming did you? I know its cliche, but trust me there are a lot more secrets waiting to come out...
> 
> The next chapter should be up in a week or two, because we're nearly on our summer holiday in Britain. I'm hoping to of finished this by September, at the latest. There's only going to be about four more chapters, and an epilogue but they are probably going to be quite long.
> 
> I have a tumblr account : inmyheadiamjudgingyou So if you want to chat about the 1975 or have any fanfiction recommendations you can talk to me on there. 
> 
> I also made a playlist of all the songs mentioned in the fic so far, on Spotify. My account name is: bradley.simpson.is.bae (I know!) and the playlist is called 'Hook, line and sinker⚓'.  
> Thanks again for reading!


	2. What the hell are you doing here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin tries not to give in to the temptation, that is Arthur Pendragon, but will he succeed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm back after a week of furiously writing, to give you the first chapter! Sorry if this isn't where some of you readers imagined it was going to go, but I'm proud of this.
> 
> The song at the start is 'Kiss me' by Ed Sheeran. That and all the songs in this chapter are on my Spotify playlist 'Hook, Line and Sinker.' So if you have Spotify you can look at them on there. 
> 
> I've basically split the chapter in to mini chapters, let me explain, each chapter is a month worth of things that happen. So that's why to some people, in places it may seem jumpy. So this whole chapter goes from right after Merlin seeing Arthur at the party, to New Year's Eve, so shits gonna go down! And maybe a few secrets will come out too...
> 
> And also just so you guys know, I'm going on holiday next week, so I won't have time to write the next chapter. So sadly the next chapter will probably not be on here by next Tuesday. I'm going to try and write as much of it as I can before we leave though, and if I do finish it before next Monday I'll post it. 
> 
> So enjoy the chapter and thanks for reading!

_____________________

 

Yeah I've been feeling everything,  
From hate, to love  
From love, to lust  
From lust, to truth  
I guess that's how I know you,  
So I hold you close,  
to help you give it up.

____________________

 

"What the hell are you doing here!?" 

 

Merlin turned to see Arthur, leaning on the kitchen door, scowl clear on his face. He almost looked ugly, Merlin thought. He lifted up the beer he was holding, taking a sip.

 

"Um, getting a drink?" 

 

Arthur rolled his eyes, moving towards him. Merlin kept his eye on the door, willing someone to come in so he could avoid this conversation for just a little longer. He could hear Gwen singing along to 'A Certain Romance' by the Arctic Monkeys, her shrieking voice bouncing in to the kitchen. If Arthur hadn't been there Merlin would've been grateful for missing the performance.

 

"You know that's not what I mean. What are you doing here at this University, at my flat?" 

 

"I just moved here, to finish my film degree. I'm living in Gwen's flat, I met Lance yesterday and he was nice enough to invite me. What are you doing here? Didn't you have a big case today at work, or is it your day off?" Arthur at least had the decency to look embarrassed, eyes drifting down to the floor. 

 

"I only said that so you wouldn't associate me with anything to do with Brunel. So you wouldn't try and find me."

 

Merlin laughed, coldly, "No you said that because you thought it would make me want to have sex with you more. It didn't work though." He tried to ignore Arthur's eyes dimming. 

 

"I would've slept with you anyway. I'm not going to deny you're attractive Arthur, you must know, or you wouldn't ask random people to have sex with you. But I wouldn't have done anything with you, if you'd told me you had a bloody girlfriend! Does she know about your one night stands, cause I'm guessing I'm not the only one?" 

 

Arthur flinched at the words, but Merlin didn't care. Even though the whole night meant nothing to him, Arthur meant nothing to him, he felt cheated. He felt angry. 

 

"Sophia she- she doesn't know. Please don't tell her I just. We started dating before I realised I ... Wasn't as in to girls as much as I thought. The club is so far away, so I never thought I'd ya know. See someone I knew." He winced at his own words, his head turning towards the door as footsteps drew nearer. It was Freya, who obviously knew Arthur because she smiled warmly at him, avoiding Merlin's eyes. She picked up another plate of beautifully decorated cupcakes, before she awkwardly walks past them both, out the door. 

 

"Don't worry about Freya. She's always quiet with new people, you just have to be patient. Bring up The British Bake Off and she'll talk to you for hours." Arthur says, breaking the silence, confusing Merlin.

 

"Thanks for the tip, but that's a bit irrelevant- don't you think? I'm more interested to know who's flat that was, that I stayed in." 

 

"It was my sisters, Morgana. She's the only one that knows. We have this agreement that whenever she's out of town I can use her flat. But she doesn't know I use it for that." Arthur had obviously never had this conversation, with one of flings. Merlin should've felt honoured. 

 

"So don't your parents know?" Merlin asked, to which Arthur shook his head at.

 

"No my Dad doesn't really agree with that kind of thing. He's not homophobic, I've brought gay friends over to my house before and he hasn't batted an eyelid. But he would definitely be disappointed if I was. He's got this dream that he'll pass the house and business on to me and then I'll pass it on to my child, and so on. It would destroy him if he couldn't." Merlin frowned. 

 

"What about your sister?" 

 

"Well technically she's my half sister. My dad he, er had an affair and Morgana was made, a few years before I was born. We didn't meet till I turned ten. Sorry that isn't even important. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page." Arthur looked up at him hopefully, lips turned down at the corners.

 

"Yeah, and what page is that?" Merlin said, arms folded. 

 

"The 'lets not ever talk about this again, and pretend the other doesn't exist until we forget the night ever happened' page. And just so we're clear it's not gonna happen again." Merlin shrugged, swigging some more of his beer, appearing unbothered. Inside he was screaming. 

 

How dare he! How dare he tell Merlin this can't happen again, like he's the one in the wrong. He's the one with the girlfriend, too scared to come out because of his father. You know what? Merlin pitied him. Because he could be completely and utterly 100% himself, but Arthur? He had to hide behind this shadow, pretend to be someone else for the sake of his father's feelings. 

 

"Well that's fine with me. You stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours. And don't worry I won't drop you in it with Sophia. She'll find out about you, the real you, eventually. And I can't wait to see it." Merlin narrowed his eyes, Arthur nodding curtly. 

 

Just then Lance walked in mumbling something about 'vegetarian burgers for Morgause' and stopped seeing the two together in the kitchen. Arthur walked over to the fridge, opening the door, peering inside. 

 

"Oh hey guys, I was wondering where you'd got to. We're just about to break out the shots in there if you want to join." He explained, wiggling his eyebrows. Merlin laughed politely, already thinking up a way to get out of this party. He didn't want to have to sit in the same room as Arthur for the next five hours. No thank you. 

 

"Sounds great Lance, but I really think I should go home. I was just telling Arthur, I still feel really ill from last night. Thanks for the food though, tell Gwen the cakes were great." Lance's smile dropped, but he nodded, adding that he understood the feeling. 

 

"Gwen mentioned you met someone last night? Anyone worth a second date?" 

 

Arthur's hand stuck in the fridge, rifling around for something, stopped for a second. He was listening, to see what Merlin was going to say. So he was going to hit him where it hurt. 

 

"Well I thought he might be, but now I'm less hungover I've realised he really wasn't anything special. Say bye to everyone for me yeah, and don't let Gwaine get too drunk, I don't want him crawling in to my bed tonight." Lance laughed, promising that if he was too drunk to see straight, they would force Gwaine to stay here. 

 

Merlin walked towards the door, waving at Lance, ignoring Arthur's eyes, dripping with sadness. 

 

And if he felt a pang of something deep in a murky place near his heart, he could blame it on his hangover. Not the boy still staring at him.

 

Always staring. 

_______________

 

| September |

 

As the month went on Merlin and Arthur barely saw each other. Merlin was getting used to the campus, meeting his teachers (who were assigning him way too much homework, merlin appreciated that he was new, but really?) and getting to know his flat mates (not in that way- he was still defiantly ignoring Gwaine's advances). 

 

Arthur was always too busy to come to the social gatherings they were both invited to. According to Gwen, he was the head of at least three clubs and student council so that was why he was always so unavailable. Merlin wondered how he had a social life. And a girlfriend. 'Rowing club' one day. 'Council meeting' the next. Once Lance even said 'He has dinner with his Father. Didn't look too pleased when he was leaving.' Not that Merlin cared, but he did wonder what Arthur's Dad was like. 

 

From what Merlin had heard, mostly from Gwaine who wasn't the most reliable source, Arthur's Dad owned a computer company, and most of London. Apparently he was the 43rd richest man in England, and Merlin wasn't sure whether Gwaine was joking at that point. It wouldn't surprise Merlin if it had been true. His sister, Morgana was a flight attendant with British Airways, jetting off to Miami one minute, Tokyo the next. Merlin guessed that was why they hadn't been interrupted that night. 

 

Really, Merlin didn't care. He was just curious. And Arthur would be none the wiser. 

 

He'd also helped his Mum move in to their new flat, nearer the end of the month. It was nice, not the same as their little house in Lutterworth, but nice all the same. The prices here were a lot higher obviously, and their house in Lutterworth, cost about the same as a medium-sized flat in the middle of bustling, London. 

 

Hunith was right, it only took Merlin two hours to get their on the bus, Will and Gwaine coming along for the ride offering to help un-pack too. Merlin had declined, saying they'd manage, but Gwaine had pouted and said 'Aw I wanted to meet your mum.' Well, Merlin thought, it was their funeral. 

 

"Remember Merlin, I need to make a good first impression." 

 

"Why?" 

 

"I need to get along with her. We're eventually going to be in-laws after all." He finished smirking with teeth, whilst Will let out a laugh he had obviously been holding in. Merlin didn't say anything, just elbowed him, hard, so he nearly fell out of his seat; on to a buggy, with a mother connected to it who didn't look very pleased about it. Now that was funny. 

 

Surprisingly Merlin's Mum wasn't too embarrassing, excited to meet Merlin's new friends. Gwaine, ever the charmer, told 'Mrs Hunith' to sit down and relax while they unpacked everything. 

 

"Oh Gwaine that's very nice of you. You three boys can un-pack and I'll supervise. You see I know where I want everything to go, in my head." She replied, and Merlin internally groaned, worried this would cause an argument.

 

Even more shockingly Gwaine was okay with it, accepting Hunith's orders making sure everything went exactly where she wanted it. It took them nearly six hours to un-pack all of their stuff, Gwaine cooing over Merlin's (cringy) baby photos, laughing at their magnet collection. 

 

But eventually just before the clock struck seven, they finished, Hunith promising to order in pizza, that she'd pay for, to say thanks for all of their help. Will grinned, and sat down, saying 'Okay Hunith if you insist.' 

 

At least, Merlin thought, if mum can cope with Gwaine, she can pretty much cope with anyone. Like Arthur, a tiny voice in the back of his mind said. 

 

When he wasn't thinking about (Arthur) other things, Merlin looked forward to all of his lectures with Gaius. Will had been right- he was crazy. Not 'don't approach' crazy just 'I've seen a lot of strange things and met a lot of strange people' crazy. Sometimes in the middle of a lesson, he would go off on a tangent about the weather or start listing the pros and cons of the colour purple; telling the class to note this down as it was 'important stuff.' 

 

They always did the work eventually to a high standard, and he always gave Merlin good comments on his essays, so he grew to like him. They were covering Will, Percival and Morgause were in his class too, always prepared to share notes, ideas, and there latest theory on why Gaius was, the way he was. 

 

He was having a great time, really he was. And if Merlin always remembered he had forgotten his jacket, even when it was warm, or his homework, even though he'd triple checked it was all done, when he had to walk past Sophia and Arthur snogging in the hallway (nice, he thought, classy) no one noticed. 

 

Not even Arthur. 

___________________

 

| October | 

 

September transformed in to October pretty quickly, more leaves to walk through on there way to classes, more rain to get soaked with. Merlin kept forgetting to buy an umbrella. As the nights got colder and days got shorter, Merlin knew one thing. He missed 'ye olde book shop' with its comfy armchairs, and shelter from the rain, the outside world. He missed his Mum, waiting for him at the door with a towel and a hot chocolate, after running home the rain thundering down around him. The homesickness hit Merlin like a punch to the stomach, but he tried to ignore it; texting and calling his Mum as much as he could. 

 

Gwaine's birthday was coming up. twenty one years ago Gwaine was born at Edinburgh hospital, on the 21st of October, at 1:43pm. How could Merlin forget? He'd reminded him everyday since the first of the month.

 

Merlin wasn't sure if he was expecting a present. They'd only known each other for a few months, would it look rude if he didn't get him one or weird if he made a big deal out of it? He decided to ask Will's advice. Not Gwen's because she only knew what Gwaine hated ('good for blackmail' apparently,) and Lance had an agreement with Gwaine, that in exchange for no present, he convinced a girl to go to Gwaine's party. Who didn't know he slept around a lot. (Read between the lines). Merlin didn't agree with it, but he had to admit, it was a good system. 

 

So his next option was Will. He was pretty secretive about his present, as if he thought Merlin would copy, just saying 'buy him something you know you'd like. And if you can't think of anything just buy him something he can eat. Always a winner.' 

 

In the end he choose a t-shirt saying 'Are you related to Yoda? Cause yodelicious', and a bottle of whisky. He thought, at least if Gwaine didn't like the t-shirt, he would love the alcohol. 

 

On the morning of the birthday, Merlin was panicking. What if he didn't get the t-shirt? Gwaine wasn't the brightest spark, when it came to things like that, from what he could gather. Hopefully he would be too drunk (or hungover) when he opened them, and would love them no matter what they were. 

 

Simple. He had much bigger things to worry about anyway. 

 

Will had told him Gwaine forced Arthur to cancel a meeting with one of his clubs, to make sure he'd be at the party. Turns out Arthur hadn't been to his birthday party for the last two years, something that Gwaine was very offended by. 

 

Merlin couldn't get out of going it would break Gwaine's heart (he knew it would, he'd asked) so he prepared himself for a night of watching Sophia and Arthur, trying to pretend he wasn't at least a little bit jealous, and getting wasted with some of the best friends he's had in ages. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. 

 

Or at least thats what he told himself as Lance brought over the first round of drinks, at the universities bar. He'd added his presents to the pile of gifts, that Percival was guarding like a hawk and walked over to where he could see Gwen waving. Their whole group was sat together around one of the biggest booths the bar had, drinking and chatting. Will, Morgause and Gwaine, (with a short red head, courtesy of Lance) had all brought dates. Along with Gwen and Lance, and the other two, Merlin seriously felt like a third wheel. Or a tenth wheel. 

 

Gwen talked to him, and so did Gwaine (when he wasn't making heart eyes at Leon, who had surprisingly come on his own) but it felt like everyone was on their own individual dates, and Merlin was in the way. 

 

The lights got darker, and the drinks got stronger, as the nights progressed. Merlin had lost count of how much he'd had, and before long a random guy was pulling him around the dance floor, dancing so close, that he could smell the sweat and cologne radiating off of him. Merlin wasn't even if he actually fancied this guy. 

 

He was covered in tattoos, muscular, not the normal guy he went for; but he'd be a good distraction. He couldn't help looking over his shoulder, at a certain someone dancing close to Sophia, whispering sultrily in to her ear, while she giggled long curls falling across her eyelashes. 

 

Merlin wanted to throw up. Not just because of the alcohol, streaming through his blood.

 

The music was suddenly too loud, the guy too close, too much all at once. He had to get out. He pulled out of the boy's embrace, a confused expression flashing across the strangers face before he pulled a hand over his sweaty forehead. 

 

"Sorry, I- I can't. Sorry." He stumbled away from the boy, over to the bar. The bar attendant looked at him, concern clear on his face. The options on the menu, in front of him blurred, and he could faintly make out Gwaine singing 'Classic' by MKTO, the bass thumping through the bar.

 

"He'll have a water." A voice said behind him, and he turned to see Arthur, and why was he always there? Merlin didn't want him. He didn't.

 

Sadly Arthur couldn't hear his inner most thoughts, so he still sat next to him, a grim look on his face. 

 

"What are you doing Merlin?" He asked, and Merlin hated the way he sounded disappointed. 

 

Like he cared. 

 

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you be over there with your girlfriend? The one you love soooo much," He slurred, pointing his finger in Arthur's face, nearly poking his eye out, "We could probably give each other tips, couldn't we? Tell each other the best way to make you-" 

 

"Keep your voice down, you idiot. Is this what you getting drunks about? Are you ... Are you jealous of us?" He said, narrowing his eyes. 

 

"No. I got drunk because I wanted too. Because I'm fun, I'm young, its allowed. Why aren't you drinking. Scared the stuff might make you do something, you know you shouldn't? Something Daddy would be ashamed of?" A cloud crashed over Arthur's face, and he was suddenly dragging Merlin towards the exit while the latter giggled, probably not as quickly as he would have liked, Merlin's feet dragging across the floor. 

 

The fresh air was amazing, Merlin taking in big gulps of air, as they stopped next to a bench a few feet from the club door, Merlin sitting down automatically. He looked up at the sky, and even through the light pollution a few stars shined, lighting up the otherwise dull space. 

 

"I told you. I told you what we did was a mistake and it couldn't happen again. And I'm sorry. I know what I'm doing is wrong, lying to Sophia, sleeping with random people. Getting their hopes up, and then saying I can't see them again. I just. I can't help how I feel, about y- you should forget about me, find someone better." Arthur sighed, his eyes gradually meeting Merlin's.

 

Merlin wouldn't be making a big deal out of this if he wasn't wasted. He'd be dancing with his friends, celebrating a birthday for gods sake, not wallowing in self pity. He definitely wouldn't be asking Arthur all of these questions. "Tell me you don't like me." 

 

Arthur turned to him, hurt in his eyes. 

 

"What course I like you Merlin." He answered, but Merlin knew he was avoiding the question, face flitting over to the door of the club. 

 

Merlin turned to him, moving closer till their faces were inches apart, Arthur's breath quickening audibly.

 

"Tell me you don't like me. Say you don't think about that night, think about what we did, all the time. Cause I do. I know you've been avoiding me for the past few months. Tell me you don't think of me when your with her. Go on, tell me you don't have feelings for me, and I'll get over you, move on." His voice had dropped to such a quiet pitch, the only way he was sure Arthur could hear him was the change in his facial expression, the way his eyes flickered to Merlin's lips, inches from his own. 

 

Exasperatingly they stayed in this position, for two tantalisingly awkward minutes, Arthur's breath coming out in gasps, as Merlin's hand slipped bravely on to his knee. 

Arthur jumped at the contact, glancing down to where Merlin's hand met the fabric of his jeans, and he closed his eyes, almost like he was in agony. 

 

"Arthur." He asked, again with urgency.

 

"I can't. You know I can't." And that was all the assurance Merlin needed, before his lips were surging forward, hands wrapping round Arthur's neck as he kissed him (and Merlin would never admit it, but the kiss was sloppy, desperate showing how much Merlin really wanted this. And how drunk he was). After a few horrible seconds when Merlin thought Arthur was going to push him away, he started to kiss back, slowly at first, before his arms wrapped around his waist pulling him closer still.

 

Merlin tried to blame it on the drink. He tried to ignore the way his toes tingled, the so called 'fireworks' exploding around them, as the kiss deepened; Arthur's hands travelling under his shirt, the cold and hot causing goosebumps to flicker across Merlin's skin. He wondered whether people were missing them inside, if they would come out and check where they were, seeing this in the process. He should've cared more, knowing Arthur didn't want anyone to know about this. But he wanted to be selfish for a change. Wanted this.

 

Wanted Arthur.

___________________

 

As soon as Merlin woke up in the morning, he knew last night had been a mistake. Arthur lay beside him, annoyingly cute while snoring, mouth hanging open. 

 

He was also experiencing a strange case of deja vu. Along with the banging hangover, pain searing through his head. He was seriously considering giving up alcohol. They were in the same position as they had been before, lying next to each other, naked, in Morgana's flat. Merlin felt defeated. Why'd he gotten so drunk, and let Arthur take advantage of him like that? (Okay he knew he'd basically pushed himself at Arthur, but he was just trying to make himself feel a bit better, about the situation.) 

 

Merlin didn't bother trying to make a run for it. Part of him was hoping Arthur would roll over towards him, and say 'I'm sorry I didn't realise sooner. I want you, not Sophia. Who cares what my father thinks?' And kiss him senseless. Then he would make him breakfast in bed, and he'd snuggle up in Arthur's arms, and almost forget about the whole 'two night stand' thing.

 

He sighed, pulling the covers off of himself, pulling on his clothes from last night, padding out to the flat. He had to open a few doors before he found the toilet. Like the rest of the flat it was modern, stylish but un-lived in. He wondered where Morgana was. He wondered whether she would be back before he left. Then he thought, at least someone else would know. Arthur couldn't deny ... Whatever this thing was between them, was happening.

 

He washed his hands and face, gargling water to try and get the dry alcoholic taste out of his mouth. Along with morning breath and sweat Merlin smelt and looked awful.

 

Well, he thought. Its not like Arthur hasn't seen me like this before. Why should he care anyway? He obviously found Merlin attractive, somehow, or he wouldn't of slept with him. Twice. On a happier note, Merlin started to wonder what breakfast cereal rich people normally had. 

 

He walked back out in the living area, which led straight on to a white gleaming bathroom, complete with the kind of coffee maker, Merlin had only ever seen a coffee shop before. He began to open all the cupboards, not trying to be quiet, looking for something to eat. He found a bowl, eventually a spoon and a closed box of cheerios. Not as interesting as Merlin had hoped. 

 

When he had located the whereabouts of the milk (in the fridge- where else?) he made himself a bowl, feeling very pleased with himself. He ate quickly, washing the bowl, trying to be polite. He also wasn't sure Arthur would've appreciated him eating his sisters food. 

 

He was just considering going to wake Arthur, couldn't wait for that awkward conversation, when the door opened. It was obviously someone who had a key, Merlin didn't need to worry. But actually he did because the only other person with a key was- 

 

"Oh hello. Sorry, but why are you sitting in my kitchen? I don't know who you are," Merlin tried to reassure her, without making things awkward, that he was allowed to be here, but couldn't get a word out before she carried on, "Oh wait a second are you one of Arthur's friends? Where is he?" 

 

Without thinking Merlin said, "Still in bed." Even if Morgana and somehow not understood what he was suggesting, his red cheeks would've given it away. Her eyes widened in realisation, and she surprisingly giggled to herself. 

 

"Don't be embarrassed, I know about the whole 'secretly gay' thing. He's such a drama queen isn't he? I'm surprised his friends haven't worked it out yet." Merlin chuckled at her answer, as she excused herself, making a beeline for Arthur's room. Merlin would not have wanted to be in his shoes right now. 

 

| Arthur's pov | 

 

"Arthur get the hell up! There's a random guy sitting in my kitchen, saying he's here because you slept together? Is that true or should I be calling the police?" Arthur groaned, turning over, to see Morgana glaring down at him. 

 

He had hoped this wouldn't happen. Morgana had meant to be back from her flight to Turkey later, much later, so he thought he would've had time to (how else could he put it?) get rid of Merlin. He rubbed some of the sleep out of his eyes, and sat up. Morgana sat on the bed next to him, arms crossed. 

 

"No, don't call the police, its fine. As long as he has sticky out ears and black hair then yeah thats the guy I-"

 

"To be honest Arthur, I don't really want the details thank you. I just wanted to make sure- Oh my god! Wait I've just remembered I came back from a flight, and a guy was just stepping in to the lift, as I was getting out ... Arthur is that the same guy?! You slept with the same guy twice? Woah I should get some champagne out, this is an achievement." Morgana started talking quickly about Arthur 'finally growing up', but he wasn't listening, her worlds only just beginning to sink again. 

 

He managed to not sleep with the same guy for three years. It wasn't something he was proud of, but it was easier that way. It meant it didn't get their hopes up. 

 

Or his.

 

Its not like he fancied Merlin, he'd just been there, drunk and gorgeous, and he'd wanted it just as much as Arthur. It was just convenient.

 

"Yes, yes its very exciting, if you don't mind though I'm gonna make sure he hasn't run off or something." Morgana closed her eyes as he pulled a pair of boxers and tracksuit bottoms on, before he made his way towards the door. Morgana followed. 

 

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked, and she smiled sweetly, poison dripping from her every word as she said "I didn't realise this guy was so important, we didn't have a proper conversation before. Its also my flat. That I let you use, whenever you want." 

 

Arthur, internally hitting Morgana, knew he couldn't argue with that. He opened the door, and let her follow. As Merlin came in to view, nonchalantly reading a message on his phone, he wished him luck. Anyone being questioned by Morgana needed it.

 

| Merlin's pov | 

 

When Arthur offered to make him breakfast, Merlin was surprised (firstly that Arthur cooked, and secondly that half of his fantasy had actually come true) but flattered. He'd only had a small bowl of cereal anyway.

 

While Arthur was poaching eggs, his sister turned to him. She had sat down, on the other side of the table. He felt like an antelope, while she was the tiger staring him down, waiting to pounce. She put her head on her hands and asked sweetly, "So what's your name?"

"Merlin. Merlin Emrys." 

 

"I'm Morgana Pendragon, Arthur's sister. And where do you come from Merlin Emrys?" 

 

"I just moved here from Lutterworth," When Morgana's eyebrows drew together he added, "It's a small town, near Manchester. I used to live there with my Mum, but she got a new job in London, so I transferred from Lutterworth University, to Brunel." Morgana's eyes seemed to catch fire, burning brightly. 

 

"So you go to the same University as Arthur?" 

 

What was this, 20 questions, Merlin thought. He nodded, telling her about his film degree. 

 

"So what do you want to do after Uni Merlin? Arthur's going to take over our Father's business, but I know he'd much rather be a Journalist. Much rather be anything else." One of the plates behind them, crashed on to the counter, a bit too hard; Morgana seemed to take that as a sign to change the subject, telling Arthur to hurry up, while she told Merlin about how beautiful Turkey was. 

Five minutes later, Arthur set three plates down on the table, poached egg, muffin and bacon. Merlin was seriously tempted to pick up the muffin and eat it whole, his mouth watering, but Arthur and Morgana picked up their knives and forks, nimbly cutting in to there muffins, somehow picking up a tiny piece of each filling as they went. 

Merlin used his cutlery too, listening to Morgana's story about how a pregnant woman on board the plane to Turkey, thought she'd gone in to labour. He laughed in all the right places, trying to ignore the way Arthur's elbow kept brushing against his. 

 

When they'd finished, Morgana politely excused herself, saying something about 'ringing someone' and Merlin was left, not sure what to say to Arthur. He didn't want to ruin this little bubble of ignorance they were in. 

 

"About last night Merlin-" Before Arthur could say anything, Merlin's phone was ringing, popping the bubble they were so comfortable in. Merlin took it out, mouthing 'its Gwaine, I should probably answer it' before swiping right and greeting him. 

 

Merlin watched Arthur as he picked up the plates, washing them in the sink, didn't want to make it look like he was listening, Merlin presumed (even though he could tell he was).

 

"Where were you Merlin? After like eleven we couldn't find you anywhere." Gwaine barked down the phone. 

 

"Yeah I'm sorry, did you like the present?"

 

"Don't know, we're waiting for you to come back so we can open them." 

 

Oh you haven't opened them yet, don't worry you will-"

 

"Where are you anyway?" Gwaine asked. 

 

"Where am I?" He heard Arthur stop, trying to think of an answer on the spot. 

 

"Oh my god, you're at his house aren't you, that guy you met? Os that why you disappeared? What did I tell you!" 

 

"Am I at the mystery guys house? Gwaine, for gods sake why is everything about-"

 

"Yes you are! I'm not stupid, Merlin I can tell when your lying."

 

You really can't, Merlin thought. "Okay, okay I am but thats not the point- no I will not tell you any details. Its none of your business." 

 

"Fine. But I'm happy we both got some." 

 

'Oh yeah Lance's friend. What was her name again?" 

 

"I can't remember. She just left, but Jesus Merlin she was-" 

 

"I'm hanging up now, bye Gwaine!"

 

He laughed to himself, as Arthur came back to sit next to him. Merlin, wished Morgana would come back out to the kitchen. At least then they wouldn't be on there own. Merlin wouldn't be fighting the urge to leave and kiss Arthur senseless at the same time. 

 

"Am I the mystery man?" Arthur said turing to him, grinning. 

 

Merlin laughed in relief, shaking his head. Maybe this wouldn't be as awkward as he thought it was going to be. "Well yeah, sorry they worked it out when I went home the first time. Its probably the easiest excuse to use if I'm honest." 

 

Arthur nodded agreeably, before saying "Your right. And about last night Merlin-" 

 

"No it was my fault, I was drunk and I threw myself at you, if you don't want it to happen again, thats fine seriously." A flicker of, what was that disappointment?, crossed Arthur's face, but Merlin must have imagined it, because he was agreeing, again, standing up.

 

Merlin stood too, checking his pockets for his keys and wallet. When he had located them, he walked around the table, leaning back on his feet, eyeing the door. 

 

"I should probably get going, Gwaine and everyone are waiting for me. Thanks for the breakfast, and say bye to Morgana too won't you?." He said while walking towards the door, pulling the handle down.

 

Just as he was opening it, the door was slammed shut by a hand above him. He turned in confusion, and Arthurs lips were on his, sealing whatever he was going to say in his mind. He wanted to relax in to it, wanted to go again, even with Morgana in the flat, but he couldn't. Nothing would come of it.

 

Sadly, he pushed Arthur away, shaking his head, taking his hand off of the door in front of him. 

 

"We can't okay? Last night was fun, but that's all okay, it was just fun. You've got Sophia." He gulped as the last sentence came out, turning away from Arthur, reopening the door. 

 

As he walked to the lift entrance, he didn't look back. He didn't want to tempt himself.

 

| Arthur's pov | 

 

Merlin was just fun. Like he'd said himself, that was all this was. 

 

Why did he feel so defeated then, when he sat down on the sofa, Morgana walking out, a pitying look clear on her face. 

"Oh Arthur." She sighed, before walking over to the bathroom, before locking the door behind her. 

And Arthur didn't want to think about what that meant. 

______________

| November |

 

At least in the weeks following Gwaine's birthday party, Arthur didn't completely ignore him. They were in to the start of November now, the second night stand had occurred weeks before, and Merlin could almost forget it happened. Arthur turned up to more social gatherings, like the party Gwen had for Halloween and it was nice.

 

Sometimes they even chatted, like friends, just friends which felt odd to Merlin, but he liked it all the same. Although he'd never admit it he liked spending time with him.

 

But sometimes he would see Arthur staring over at him, while Sophia told another one of her 'hilarious' stories, and he could't depict his expression. All he knew was if he happened to glance at Arthur, his eyes were normally already on him. And when he was caught, he'd normally hold his gaze.

 

To say it confused Merlin was an understatement. 

 

It was mid-november, whilst Merlin was sitting at his desk furiously making his way through the end of an essay that was due in, according to his clock, in two hours and seventeen minutes, that Gwaine came running in; slamming the door behind him.

 

Merlin jumped, papers flying everywhere, eyes raised in a silent question. He was excited, more then usual so it took a while to get an answer out of Gwaine, his feet pacing impatiently. 

 

When he finally sat down, on the edge of Merlin's bed, Merlin asked what was wrong. 

 

"So basically after my class, I bumped in to Leon and Arthur," At the sound of that boy's name, Merlin was ashamed to admit he gave Gwaine his full attention, "and we all walked back together. They were talking about this new action film coming out, cars exploding that kind of thing, and I had never heard of it but pretended I wanted to see it too. Then Arthur said they were seeing it today and I could go to if I wanted, bring Will or someone. And I wasn't really listening, so I just said yes. I know like nothing about films, and they're like your favourite thing and they said I could bring people so... Will you come too? For me?" 

 

Merlin was in a tricky situation. Leave Gwaine to get tongue tied and nervous around Leon making a fool of himself; or go, but face having to see Arthur in such small proximity, without being able to touch him. He took one look at Gwaine however, smiling, eyes hopeful and he couldn't stop himself from nodding his head. 

 

Gwaine squealed (yes actually squealed) and hugged Merlin, tightly before telling him to be ready at half six, so they could leave for the movie and get there with time to buy food. 

 

He got up, hugged Merlin again and ran from the room, shouting something about planning an outfit, and washing his 'luxurious' brown hair.

 

He turned back to the essay, writing the last couple of sentences, before putting his pen down. What had he just agreed to?

_______________________

 

Maybe it was nerves, maybe it was something else Merlin didn't want to admit, but he was ready way before six, let alone half past. He stayed in his room, trying not to think about it, until 6:20 rolled around, which Merlin thought was an appropriate time to pretend he'd just finished getting ready. 

 

He didn't wan to raise suspicions, by looking too keen. Not that Gwaine would have noticed. 

 

Somehow he actually looked better then usual. His face was clean shaven, mess of hair falling just before his shoulders, freshly washed. His t-shirt really showed off his arms and his jeans ... Well they showed off everything else. The only thing that let him down was how nervous he looked, knee jerking up and down, while he checked the time every three seconds. 

 

"Careful," Will said, catching Merlin's eye, before turning back to Gwaine, "You might make him think its a date. A double date." Merlin tried not to choke, and laughed half heartedly,while Gwaine just went bright red, not meeting Will's eyes. 

 

As soon as the clock in the living room struck 6:30, Gwaine was standing up, nodding to Merlin. 

 

"Bye boys, have fun. Be home by midnight. Or don't. Depends how well tonight goes for Gwaine." He laughed as Gwaine slammed the door shut, a little too hard. 

 

When they had walked all the way from campus to the closest bus stop, hands and faces numb as sheets of cold wind hit them, Gwaine finally broke the silence. 

 

"Merlin, do you think its obvious?" Gwaine said, squinting at the bus schedule in the dark winter light. Merlin sat on the thin seat, under the shelter. 

 

He pretended he didn't know what he was talking about, "What's obvious Gwaine?" Before folding his arms patiently. 

 

"That I, er. Like Leon? I have for a while now, before you arrived, and I don't think he even realises I exist most of the time." Gwaine's body language told Merlin he really didn't know how obvious he made it, and he already looked terrified, so Merlin decided to humour him. 

 

"What? You fancy Leon? I had no idea! And I'm with you all the time, so I doubt Leon's noticed." At that Gwaine sighed, his shoulders slumping a little more. "He probably just doesn't realise there's anything to notice. Just make a bit more of an effort, and he'll get the memo eventually." Gwaine nodded, determined. 

 

"You could start- and this is just a suggestion- by not sleeping around so much. Just a thought." They both looked at each other, and burst out laughing, Gwaine shaking his head. The bus arrived, and they stood up, breath swirling in front of them, as they held their oyster cards with numb fingers up to the scanner. As soon as they'd sat down, the doors creaked shut, and they were crawling towards the cinema.

 

"Yeah that's not a bad idea, Merls."

______________________

 

Merlin wasn't surprised however when they got to the cinema, Arthur and Leon waiting for them outside, and they went in, that Gwaine started stumbling over his words. He was, after all in a 5 mile radius of Leon.

 

It was sweet. Tragic, but sweet.

 

It wasn't the ideal situation for him either. With Gwaine staring at Leon the whole time and Leon as oblivious as ever, Merlin wasn't too worried that they would notice any awkwardness between Arthur and him. Sure, they'd been okay since the 'second night stand' incident, but he couldn't just block it out of his mind. And by the way Arthur kept staring at him, he was pretty sure Arthur couldn't either. 

 

Gwaine followed Leon to the snacks bar, had glared at Merlin till he said he'd be fine waiting there. With Arthur. Merlin had to think of something quickly so he didn't bring their 'thing' up.

 

"I bet you £10, by the end of the night, they've shagged." Arthur spluttered, eyes wide as he looked at Gwaine, laughing at something Leon had done. "Or, as we're in a communal place, kissed at least."

 

"What do you mean? Does Gwaine fancy Leon?" Merlin nodded. "Oh so that's why he was so enthusiastic about coming today. Makes sense. But I doubt Leon will go for it, straight away anyway. He doesn't know where that's been." Arthur's eyes told Merlin he was joking, but he had a fair point. Oh well, there was no point backing out now. 

 

"Your a dick you know that? Leon may secretly have feelings for him too, he just hasn't told you." Arthur chuckled, turing to Merlin with challenge in his eyes. 

 

"Leon and I tell each other everything." 

 

"Everything?" Merlin snaps, instantly regretting it when the shutters fall over Arthur's eyes. Shit.

 

"Sorry, Arthur I didn't mean that. It just came out." Arthur rolls his eyes, sighing remorsefully. Merlin knew he was right. So did Arthur. 

 

"No its true." Arthur looked over at Gwaine struggling to carry four boxes of popcorn, and without a word he walked over to help him. Merlin followed, already wishing he'd stayed at home. At least they were seeing a movie, so they didn't have to talk. There was no chance of Merlin putting his foot in it again.

 

When they had brought there tickets, Gwaine insisted on sitting next to Leon, his excuse being 'the aisle seats are always the most comfortable', and somehow Merlin ended up on the seat furthest away from Gwaine, next to Arthur. Great. Superb. 

 

The adverts started and Merlin tried to ignore Arthur's presence beside him, glancing at him sometimes. The film was average at best, the over used cliche, of bad guy doing something pointlessly evil, good guy somehow saving the day with one gun and no help, meeting a girl along the way which he ends up dating/marrying. 

 

About half way through, Merlin had finished his popcorn the box lying forgotten on the floor, a hand landed on his knee, startling Merlin, the movie suddenly not important.

 

He glanced at Arthur who was either ignoring him or hadn't realised what he was doing, because his eyes stayed gripped to the screen, no matter how much Merlin tried to grab his attention. Merlin, trying to keep calm, casually looking over at Gwaine and Leon who were both doing the same, Gwaine's arm suspiciously close to Leon's. 

 

This is what Merlin wanted. He didn't want to be the other woman/man, the secret, but he'd tried to fight it, he had. He could either push him away, and finally put a stop to this weird hold Arthur had over him. Or he could tell Arthur, in this subtle way, that he wanted this too. Arthur was offering a silent ultimatum and Merlin was tired of feeling bad about this. Or at least that's what he told himself as he rested his hand on top of Arthurs. 

 

Even in the dark of the theatre, he could see the smile that widened over Arthur's face, and why did that make him feel so warm inside?

__________________

 

When the lights came up, Arthur ripped his hand from underneath Merlin's, shooting him an apologetic look, as he turned to Leon and Gwaine, who was already talking about how great it had been. And why was he surprised? He tried not to look or feel too upset, would have to get used to this if they were going to be a thing at all, but couldn't help the way he trudged behind the others a bit, glumly. 

 

He excused himself, walking over to the boy's toilets, when they got out of the theatre. He made his way over to the sinks, splashing water on his face, deciding to practice his 'nothing is going on' face in the mirror. The door opened behind him and he didn't have to look up to know it was Arthur. 

 

His face was creased with regret, eyes meeting Merlin's. 

 

"I'm sorry about before, but you know I don't want anyone to know, not yet. I don't want to use you like this Merlin, I like you Merlin. A lot. And only if you wanted to I don't want to force you to do anything I know the circumstances aren't great, we could-"

 

"Arthur." Merlin said walking over to him, from the sink. He looked up, like he was ready for Merlin to say something harsh, like he thought he deserved it. Why did i have to sleep with such an idiot?, Merlin thought. 

 

In that moment Merlin kissed him. And somehow that simple closed mouth kiss that didn't last for more then five seconds, meant more to Merlin then any of the other thing they had done, combined. 

 

He pulled away, Arthur's face full of surprise, happy surprise and rested his forehead against his. 

 

"I wouldn't normally do this," well thats a lie, his brain told him but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind, "It's unfair on Sophia, on everyone we're supposed to be friends with. We're lying to all of them. And I've tried to ignore this thing between us, but I can't and its really annoying. Your lucky I like you so much." Arthur laughed, face hopeful.

 

"So?.." 

 

"I'll date you Arthur Pendragon. We don't have to tell anyone, I wouldn't really want to make a big deal out of it anyway. But yeah I will." Arthur grinned, pulling him in to a hug, kissing him hard and Merlin laughed too. 

 

It didn't matter that what Merlin had said was a lie. It didn't matter that he'd love to tell everyone that Arthur was his. But Arthur was happy, and so was Merlin, and that was all that mattered. It was enough.

 

For now.

__________________

 

When they finally left the bathroom, after five minutes of aquatinting themselves with each other once more, they walked out to see Gwaine and Leon, snogging by the opposite wall, cat calls coming from around the room. 

 

Merlin whistled, and Arthur swore under his breath. They pulled away, lips swollen and red, Gwaine giving Merlin the finger, before grabbing Leon's hand and leaning in again.

 

"I guess that means you owe me tenner?" 

__________________

 

| December | 

 

Why didn't anyone warn him about how annoying Gwen would become, as they got nearer to the 25th of December? As soon as the sun had risen on the first of December Gwen was pulling a huge, real christmas tree in to their flat, Lance taking most at the weight at the other end.

 

For the next four hours Merlin, Gwaine and Will were all forced to help them hang shiny baubles, candy canes, and snowflakes on the tree, while cheesy christmas songs played in the background. Half way through Gwaine shouted 'if you don't turn that music off, I'm leaving.' Gwen finally gave in to the pressure, and turned the dial stopping on a station playing 'Good Grief' by Bastille and the boys sighed with relief.

 

When they'd finished and Gwen finally let them sit down, she made a whole speech about secret santa and how they had to do it. But Merlin wasn't listening. Not because he didn't want to do secret santa, it was a lot easier for him if they did, but because his mind was on something else. Or someone.

 

It had been two weeks since Merlin had agreed to date Arthur, in secret. So far, he wasn't regretting it. It had been hard seeing him with Sophia, kissing her like he kissed him, but he always made up for it. Arthur had even asked him on a (and Merlin couldn't believe it either) genuine date.

 

He had asked him in the bathroom, at Arthur's flat, two weeks after the tree fiasco, while they had been round their one evening, the whole group not just Merlin. It was a week till classes finally finished and they could all go and see their various families, Lance had wanted to celebrate somehow. so obviously everyone had ended up at his, too tired to go out, make an evening of it.

 

They had snuck off minutes earlier, both giving similar excuses- there friends too drunk or too tired to care. Merlin had been enjoying the make out session like normal, and was just about to take it one step further, when Arthur came out with 'Go on a date with me.' 

 

Merlin had frozen, and Arthur scared he'd said the wrong thing started to take it back, saying it was a bad idea. 

 

Merlin just shook his head, silently. He hadn't thought, hadn't wanted to presume that was what, this was. He'd been enjoying it, very much, when just sex was involved. But he wouldn't mind going somewhere, having an actual conversation with Arthur. In fact he'd love it.

 

He'd told Arthur just that, that was what he wanted, until Arthur had smiled again hugging him. If he'd have thought it was going to risk there relationship getting out, before it had properly begun, he would've declined. But alas, as Merlin can't see the future, he didn't. So it did.

___________________

 

While in the car, on the way to the date, Merlin was pissed off. His hair whipped around his face (Arthur obviously owning a car with an open top) hiding the scowl on his face, as he looked out at the road ahead. Arthur had told him there destination was two hours away, after picking him up next to a news agents, nearly twenty minutes from the universities campus. Merlin understood the need for secrecy, he really did, but did Arthur want to hide him that much? His heart sank at the thought.

 

Arthur turned the radio down, The Wombats 'Your Body is a Weapon' fading in to the background, as he looked over at Merlin. 

 

"What's up with you?" By now Merlin had perfected the 'nothing's going on' face, but his 'I'm fine' face needed some improvement. 

 

He knew Arthur would go on about it if he didn't tell him, so turning his head towards him, rows of leafless trees littering the roadside, he shrugged.

 

"Do you not want someone to see us, that badly? You're making such an effort to get as far from the campus possible." Arthur's eyes softened, and he took one hand off of the steering wheel, squeezed Merlin's hand in his, and then replaced it. 

 

"Would you believe me if I said it's actually because this restaurants really nice, and I want to take you somewhere nice? The fact it's far away is just an added bonus." Merlin's head swivelled round to see Arthur, really trying not to laugh.

 

"You really are an arcehole, you know that?" 

 

"Yeah you tell me nearly every day. But you love it." He sang, the last sentence, and Merlin sighed. Because it was true.

 

He did love it. 

_______________

 

The date was, well, amazing. The restaurant was worth the long drive, the food exquisite but way too expensive for Merlin. At the start Merlin had said they should go somewhere else, that he couldn't afford this, but Arthur had just looked at him and said 'Don't be stupid, I'm paying.' And no matter how much Merlin protested, that was that. 

 

They sat outside, at the back of the restaurant, small twinkling tea lights, creating a tranquil atmosphere; the few other couples speaking quietly. The music from inside drifted out the open door, as a waiter came to take there orders. Merlin tried to get the cheapest meal on the menu, but they all ended in at least two zero's. Arthur didn't seem to care, asking for the most expensive wine on the list, and Merlin was almost jealous. 

 

His Mum and him, they'd never been able to just throw money around. He'd always been taught to save some, so his Mum could pay the mortgage, or buy enough food to feed them both. And Arthur threw money around like it was just coloured paper. Merlin tried not to think to badly of him though. He didn't know any different. 

 

The rest of the date mostly went without a hitch, Arthur chatting about all his clubs obviously trying to impress Merlin, listening intently when Merlin told him about his latest film class, laughing at what Gaius came up with.

 

"Will's told me about him before, he does seem really... Eccentric?" 

 

Merlin smiled, "You mean mad?" And Arthur laughed, saying he guessed he did. Later on however, Arthur asked the fateful question. 

 

"So you know all about my family, what about yours?"

 

Merlin stopped, hoping Arthur would sense he didn't want to talk about this, not yet, would move on. Instead Arthur glanced at him, only finally noticing the way his face had shut down. 

 

"What is it? Did I say something wrong?"

 

"No, I just don't really like speaking about my family, no ones actually asked about them yet but...Its a sensitive subject." 

 

"Merlin, honestly I didn't realise, we can talk about something else-"

 

"About a year and nine months ago, my dad died in a car crash." 

 

"Oh my God, Merlin I'm so sorry-" 

 

"My mum was in the car with him and they'd been arguing, about me I found out later on, and my mum was driving and she had to swerve to avoid another car, and they flipped over. My dad took the brunt of the crash, so he died but my Mum still broke her leg, was in hospital for weeks. I wouldn't speak to her, for ages, blamed her for the crash." It was around that time, everything had started at school, he remembered but Merlin wasn't ready to tell Arthur that yet. It was too raw. Still.

 

"I don't blame her for it anymore, I mean my dad was arguing too, and she never meant for it to happen. We both miss him. She's going through just as much as I am." 

 

A silence stretched out, where Merlin waited for Arthur to say something. He could tell he was finding it hard, to find the right words. Merlin was glad, maybe then he would appreciate how difficult it had been say all of that. Besides Derek and his Mum, no one else knew the full story.

 

"Do you want to go home Merlin?" Arthur asked plainly, and Merlin nodded, thankfully already uncomfortable in the too fancy, too posh restaurant. 

 

Arthur payed, and they walked back out to his car. Merlin tried not to swoon too much when Arthur offered him his jacket for the ride home, saying how cold he'd looked on the way there. 

 

When they finally got back to the newsagents, Arthur drove past, ignoring Merlin's protests, until he had pulled up outside of Merlin's flats. 

 

"I better go back to Morgana's, that's where, er, I told Sophia I was for the night. You could come back if you want?" Merlin wanted to accept the invitation, but he had already told Gwen he'd be back by twelve, she worried apparently, told her not to wait up; the lights in the flat off.

 

Knowing that no one was around, it being so late and all, Merlin leaned over for a kiss, Arthur leaning in too, and for a few seconds of bliss Merlin could pretend they were just on a date. Like any other normal couple would, they were able to kiss at the end of a date, Arthur could even come up to his flat.

 

But Merlin knew that was never going to happen, Arthur pulling away, Merlin asking if he wanted his jacket back.

 

"No its okay, keep it. For the walk to your flat. You can give it to me the next time I see you yeah?" And really Merlin should've known that was a bad idea, told him not to be so careless and given it back. But that would've ruined the evening, and Merlin didn't want that. So he nodded, opening his door, and shutting it behind him. 

 

"You are okay aren't you Merlin?" 

 

"I'm-" He couldn't lie to Arthur, "I'm getting there, Arthur, thanks for asking."

 

Arthur nodded and waved as he drove off, and Merlin waited till he'd turned the corner, definitely couldn't see him anymore, till he made his way up the stairs towards his flat. 

 

When he'd opened the door, locking it behind him as quietly as he could, he sneaked over to his door, avoiding the squeaky floorboard three steps to the rights from his room. 

 

If he hadn't of been so focused on his door, he might of noticed the figure sitting in the dark living room, there mouth hanging open, eyes focused on his retreating body. 

 

Earlier if Arthur and Merlin had been paying more attention to their surroundings (instead of each other) they may have also seen them watching them from the window. They had seen everything. And they wished they hadn't.

__________________

 

The classes finally finished and except for the mountains of holiday homework they had to complete, school was out. For a while at least. Merlin had done well on his end of term assessments, after all the cramming he had done he deserved the good grades, and he couldn't wait for a peaceful christmas.

 

Merlin, none the wiser, went to the his Mum's for christmas, Arthur visiting his parents in Hawaii (of all places) for his holidays. Gwen and Lance were going to switch to each family, seeing them both for at least two days, still wanting to spend christmas together. Gwaine went back to Edinburgh to see his, Will to Kent to see his Dad. 

 

Christmas for Merlin was the same as always, but different obviously. This was only the second without his Dad and it was always going to take some getting used to, it just being him and his Mum. 

 

They ate christmas dinner early, so they could watch the Queen's Speech, and it was good, as usual. In the morning his Mum had set three places at the table. When Merlin had pointed it out, his Mum had hurriedly taken it away saying 'it was a force of habit.' But Merlin wouldn't of minded. It would've been nice to of at least felt like he was there.

 

She asked about his studies, and his friends, laughed at the christmas tree story. She brought up, subtly, about a boyfriend and Merlin just laughed looking at his plate saying 'He didn't have time for relationships.' He didn't like lying to his Mum, but it was just in case. Its not like she looked very convinced anyway.

 

He got texts from most of his friends, except for Gwen. Weird, but he didn't ponder about it for too long. She was probably just busy with Lance.

 

He got a 'MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS MERLS!¡ P.S say Hi to your Mum for me.' and about a million emojis from Gwaine. 

 

A 'Happy Xmas Merlin, have a good one. W' from Will. 

 

A couple from some of his other Film class friends, similar to Will's.

 

And a 'Happy Christmas Merlin, see you soon. X' He didn't need to check who that was from, a smile already spreading over his face.

 

He had fun with his Mum, watching Christmas films for the rest of the day, opening presents and crackers. He pretended not to notice as his Mum cried at the end of 'It's a wonderful life' and 'there's nothing like the holidays'. They were sad films after all. 

 

But he couldn't wait to be back at Brunel, and see Arthur, give him his present. He had to admit he had missed him. Arthur didn't need to know that though. He wouldn't let him forget it.

____________________

 

The day everybody got back (just happened to be) New Year's Eve and Gwaine insisted that they would have a party at their flat, celebrating the new year in style. 

 

Obviously he didn't plan any of it, leaving Merlin to invite everyone, Gwen to make the food, and Will to buy the booze.

 

Merlin made sure to send Arthur a separate text, saying to meet him at 11:30 in his room, so he could give him his christmas present and celebrate the new year together half an hour early. 

 

The party was in full swing 'Blame' by Calvin Harris blasting from the speakers, when Arthur finally arrived, Sophia in tow, short dress not leaving much to the imagination. Arthur's eyes were on him though, nodding from the other side of the room. Merlin nodded at the clock, which read 10:30. He had to wait an hour, its what they'd agreed. 

 

Gwaine had his arm wrapped around Leon, faces inches apart as he told him something quietly. Ever since the date those two had been inseparable, and whenever Leon was away for (a very important) reason, it was Merlin who had to sit there and listen to Gwaine saying how funny Leon was, or how great Leon was in bed. Merlin shuddered. There are some things you just don't want to imagine.

 

Gwen was running from the kitchen and back, filling up everyone's drinks, telling people to ask for anything they needed. Lance eventually got her to stop, convincing her to stand and chat with him and some of his classmates. Merlin was relieved, to say the least. She'd been acting strangely for a while. 

 

Merlin mingled, chatting to his Film class friends, wishing them a happy new year, keeping an eye on Arthur the whole time, also making a circle of the room. 

 

By 11:20 he couldn't wait any longer, excusing him self, eyes on Arthur as he left the room. Ten minutes later, the bastard, Arthur finally arrived, opening the door smirk clear on his face. 

 

He pulled Merlin in to his arms straight away, kissing him and Merlin laughed leaning in to the kisses. 

 

"A-Arthur this is great, but I actually do have a, oh god, a present for you." Arthur stopped eyes wide, guilty even. 

 

"I'm sorry, you never said we were buying presents I would've gotten you something as well." Merlin shook his head, saying it was fine he hadn't expected it. He knew deep down anyway that Arthur's present would've been unbelievably expensive, putting his own gift to shame. He'd rather avoid that, for a while at least. 

 

"Don't worry it's nothing big, I just found it the other day and thought of you." He pulled the rectangular shaped present, out of his top drawer passing it to Arthur. He tore the silver wrapping paper off, hands glossing over the shiny DVD cover (what else?) fingers outlining the words 'Taxi Driver'.

 

Merlin was scared Arthur might think it was too sentimental, too much, too soon; Arthur's face, stopping the thought, a grin widening over his face.

 

"Merlin this is great. You remembered? After all this time, I still haven't seen it even though I thought you were going to kill me when I said I hadn't. We'll watch it together yeah? It can be my first new years resolution." Merlin laughed, relieved, and agreed to watching it with him. This is so sad, Merlin thought, I already can't wait. 

 

Arthur kissed him again, just as Gwaine's voice could be heard saying 'Fifteen minutes until 2017 guys, come on!' Footsteps could be heard running back to the living room and Arthur pulled away slowly, turning towards the door. 

 

He held Merlin's hand and said "Happy New Year Merlin." And like they had only met for the first time, like Arthur had chosen him for his new years kiss, he leaned in for another lighter kiss, Merlin's knees embarrassingly feeling weaker. 

 

"We better go back." Arthur suggested, not looking too happy about it, Merlin nodded, let him walk towards the door, opening it slowly, looking back at Merlin, before slipping out. 

 

Merlin noticed he'd left DVD on the side, didn't want to believe it had been on purpose, but knew Arthur wanted to avoid questions. It still hurt his feelings, how could it not. 

 

He'd heard earlier on, Sophia showing off about a pair of cufflinks she had brought Arthur, holding them up to the light, as other guests had tried to look interested by the spectacle, others trying not to laugh. Although, it was a cheap present, at least it had a meaning behind it. Not just an expensive price tag.

 

He too walked out of the door, starting to walk towards the living room, when Gwen grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the kitchen. 

 

"Gwen what is it?" 

 

"Merlin I've haven't seen you in ages, where did you go? Actually don't worry I don't want to know. But everyone else is watching the count down on TV so I just wanted your help with the champagne quickly." She smiled, but it was more of a grimace then anything else. Merlin knew something was wrong. 

 

"Gwen." 

 

She ignored him, getting out cups, mugs, glasses anything to hold the drinks, cold champagne, waiting to be opened on the counter. She tried to twist the top off, swearing under her breath, until Merlin gently took it from her hands, taking the cork out and starting to pour it in the assorted cups.

 

"Gwen, tell me whats wrong." He said when he was on the last glass, the final drops of champagne filling it, bubbles and froth, fizzing. 

 

"I know about you and Arthur." Merlin had perfected his 'nothing is going on' face, had practiced what to say, how to laugh, tell the person they were being ridiculous. He took one look at Gwen however, and crumbled, his hands shaking as he placed the bottle back on the counter, probably a bit too sharply. 

 

"What?"

 

"Oh god it is true! I was hoping I was going mad, Merlin how could you?! Poor Sophia, she has no idea she's dating a cheat-" 

 

"Gwen how long have you known?" 

 

She sighed. "Not for definite till now, but probably since the start of November. You just seemed to hate each other before Gwaine's party, then after that you were best friends. Well not best friends, but nice enough to each other, suddenly. I can remember Gwaine and Sophia saying they couldn't find either of you, and I just kind of worked it out. When I'd started to think about it, you became almost obvious. Like you weren't trying to hide it."

 

"I saw you on your way back from the date, I'm guessing, you had a couple of weeks ago, you told me not to wait up for you, but I did. Mostly to see if I was going crazy. And then you kissed, and you walked in with Arthur's jacket on that you still have, for gods sake, in your room, I know I checked, and I'm sorry! I just can't believe it Merlin. Why?" 

 

Merlin sighed, defeated. Gwen was right, could be a fricken detective from how she had just worked all of that out, and to be honest, he was happy someone knew. It would be someone he could talk to about it, instead of bottling it all up. 

 

"It wasn't meant to happen. I know these kind of things never are, but I swear it wasn't. He was the guy I met my first night here, I had no idea he was dating anyone. I found out at that party, Lance had at the start of term. I had to just stand there when I saw him with Sophia, pretend I had no idea who he was." Gwen looked shocked but didn't say anything, waiting for Merlin to continue.

 

"He convinced me not to tell anyone, and god I was pissed off at him, but I didn't want to be the one to tell Sophia her boyfriend was gay anyway so I let it go. We tried to stay away from each other. I think that's why he was always at a club, or with his parents; when we planned to do things as a group.

 

"That makes sense." Gwen muttered to herself. 

 

"He didn't want to see me. But yeah then Gwaine's party happened. I ended up at his again, met his sister too. After that it was like everything had changed, like we couldn't deny it anymore." 

 

He told her about the cinema trip with Leon and Gwaine, the bathroom talk and the date at the restaurant. He left out any details about his Dad, not ready to tell her that just yet. 

 

She nodded patiently, just as Lance ran in asking for the champagne, saying they only had two minutes left. Gwen put all of the cups and glasses on a tray, saving two for her and Merlin, and sending Lance out, wobbling with the heavy tray in his hands.

 

"Your not going to tell anyone are you. I know its wrong but, imagine if you couldn't date Lance because someone else was, but you knew he didn't fancy them. Not really. I'm not saying Arthur loves me or anything," and he was never going to stop thinking about that, now he'd put the idea in his own head, "but I think maybe he could." 

 

Gwen looked torn, between one friends feelings and another, debating with herself who to choose. 

 

"I won't tell anyone, for now. I can see how much you like him. And I won't tell Arthur I know, he'll flip, and do something stupid. I still can't believe he's gay. But seriously Merlin you need to tell her. Soon! These kind of secret relationships, in films and real life, never end well." She left the room, taking her glass of champagne. Merlin now on his own, could simmer in his thoughts, wondering if Gwen was leaving to tell everyone right now. 

 

He couldn't hear any gasps or shouting, so he thought it was safe enough to leave the room, and sneak in to the living room unnoticed, everyone's eyes focused on the TV. 

 

Gwaine started the countdown '10!' And everyone joined in.

 

'9...8...7'

 

Merlin looked at Gwen, holding hands with Lance, not meeting his eye. 

 

'6...5...4' 

 

Arthur met Merlin's eye though, oblivious to the fact someone in this room now knew about them. He couldn't tell him. It could ruin there relationship, Merlin knew how selfish it was but he needed Arthur.

 

'3...'

 

Merlin thought about where he'd been a year ago, at that party with his old but not forgotten friends, where it had all come out, he'd made Merlin look like the bad guy. Merlin had been the one everyone looked at with disgust. 

 

'2...' 

 

He wondered if everyone found out about him dating Arthur, would they treat him like they had? The way all of his friends had slowly stopped talking to him, after that party. He couldn't stand it. The guilt. Which situation, last years or the one he was in the now, he wasn't sure which was worse.

 

'1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!' They all shouted, Gwaine the loudest, couples kissing, friends hugging as the fireworks erupted in London on the screen, next to the London Eye. 

 

"Cheer up Merls. Its 2017, I think this is gonna be a good year." Merlin turned to see Will beside him, giving him a supportive smile, before pulling him in for a hug. 

 

Merlin, hoped, wished, prayed Will was right. 

 

He needed this year to be a good one. 

_________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh bet you guys didn't see that coming. Also Merlin's Dad, what?? That was only one of the secrets however and I've only hinted at what the other could be. If you have any ideas, comment away!
> 
> Also thank you for all the views, kudos and especially to Anongirl, Nykalia, Johannah and Scarlett_liz for your lovely comments. They are really appreciated. 
> 
> Not sure when you will find out more from Merlin's past, and future, but hopefully soon. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr: inmyheadiamjudgingyou .


	3. Best newcomer, my arse.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is there for Merlin in his hour of need. And any other time he needs him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been SO long, I've been really busy! 
> 
> The song at the top is 'As long as I need you' by coasts. 
> 
> Shout out to pinkypiejr12 for convincing me to continue this fic, and your lovely comment ❤. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

___________________

 

The backseat of your car,  
Three words taken too far  
By the end of the summer,  
We were walking on water.

Don't let the light go out  
Don't leave without a sound.

____________________

 

| January |

 

The first month of the new year, is kind of a blur. 

 

Merlin spends most of his time completing essays; going out with his friends and sleeping with Arthur by the end of the night when everyone's either drunk or passed out. 

 

He always wakes up sheepishly, Arthur making him the same breakfast he did before, has a quick chat with Morgana and then leaves, smelling of English breakfasts, booze and, well, Arthur. 

 

When he gets home, Gwaine and Will are always waiting for him, ready to roast him on the events of last night. They ask about how the 'mystery man' is in bed, and Merlin can't help thinking, if only you knew. Gwen is there too, her eyes full of disappointment and sadness, a vast contrast to the playful glimmer they usually possess.

 

It's not that Merlin doesn't feel bad. He does every time he sees Sophia out with Arthur, smiling, her hand grasping Arthur's tightly. He does every time Arthur thinks he's asleep, and rings Sophia whispering 'The council meeting went on forever...I decided to crash at Morgana's...I- I love you too.' 

 

Merlin tries to ignore the way Arthur paused while he was saying that. After all, he thinks, it doesn't mean anything. 

 

He still makes sure to call his Mum every other day while this is going on. Her job is going really well, the rest of the staff are friendly as well as the customers. Although, most of the time she's quite distant, zoning out of the conversation, Merlin forever having to say questions not twice, but three times before he gets an answer. Merlin puts it down to tiredness. He's never sure whether he should make a bigger thing out of it and ask her whats up.

 

He always chickens out in the end, saying he misses her or that he loves her. After shes finished cooing and puts down the phone he can't help kind of feeling like a fraud. 

 

He also makes sure to call Derek 'the Dragon', and ask how the shop is doing, whether its fallen apart without him. 

 

Derek just laughs, and says its fine, just a lot quieter. 

 

He tells Arthur about the shop, about all the summers he spent there having crazy adventures. Or how they at least felt like crazy adventures, to a 10 year old. Arthur says it sounds great and, much to Merlin's surprise, says he would love to go there one day. 

 

In return, Arthur tells him about his expensive holidays to the Bahamas and Mallorca, how he and Morgana would swim for hours, until Morgana told him stories of shark attacks near where they were staying- then Arthur would refuse to swim for the rest of the holiday.

 

Sometimes Merlin wondered how two boys from, cliche as it was, two completely different worlds could have so much in common. He sometimes wondered if they would ever be together properly. 

 

Whenever Arthur lingered while kissing him sometimes, or he caught him staring at him while they sat in bed together- which Arthur stopped trying to hide after a while-, he couldn't help but be sure that eventually everyone would know. 

 

And not just because they found out accidentally. But because Arthur wanted them to.

__________________

 

| February |

 

Merlin had just woken up one day (he slept around Arthur's again last night, making that the third time this week) Arthur's arm wrapped around his waist, head nuzzled on his shoulder, can feel his cock lying limply next to his thigh. 

 

He's just questioning whether morning sex might be on the cards, when his phone rings, Arthur whining a little in his sleep at the loud noise. 

 

Stretching he gets up to answer, only briefly noting the fact its his Mum's number, before picking up and saying a quiet 'hello'. 

 

"Merlin, I'm worried, really worried, I don't know what to do."

 

Merlin laughs, thinking it'll be over the fact she can't find the remote or something silly like that. His Mum gets worried about the weirdest things. "What's wrong Mum?" He asks, rubbing his eyes. 

 

"Well your Dad hasn't come home yet, he said he would be home at seven, but that was yesterday and he hasn't rung me, and I can't seem to get a hold of him. Have you seen him?" Merlin freezes.

 

"What?" 

 

"I'm not in the mood for any funny business right now okay, have you seen him or not?" 

 

Alarms were ringing in Merlin's head. He's not sure whether this is his Mum's idea of a very cruel, twisted joke. Surely she hasn't, what? Forgotten his Dad died, nearly two years ago? He was there when she told him about the car crash, she was driving the damn car for gods sake. 

 

He can hear Arthur sitting up and he turns around, met with Arthur's concerned eyebrows and a mouthed 'who is it?'. He answers 'My Mum' and goes back to the situation in hand. 

 

"Merlin I haven't got all day, if you haven't seen him- oh I don't know where he could be! Shall I call some of his family to see-" 

 

"No! Mum you do remember that he...er" He was going to remind her of the car crash, of his Dad's grave that was miles away. But he needed to be clever, he had to have a reason for her to wait so he could get home, see what his Mum was playing at. 

 

Something was definitely wrong. 

 

"What, remember what?" 

 

"That Dad had a party to go to after work, a mates leaving do or something. Well he got a little bit drunk, and he called me saying he didn't want to stop you from sleeping. He stayed at my flat for the night, he's fine."

 

The sigh of relief his Mum let out, almost made him feel bad for lying. 

 

"Thank goodness. I can't remember him telling me that but you bring him home okay, he can't be driving if he's hungover."

 

"Of course Mum, you're at home right? At our new flat?" 

 

"Yes, where else would I be? Now go wake him up, and bring him home."

 

"Okay Mum, just don't go anywhere okay I'll be two hours tops-" 

 

The line went dead and Merlin slumped on to the bed, before his knees gave way beneath him. What had happened to her? 

 

A cold hand wrapped round his shoulder, comfortingly, and he heard Arthur ask the words "What's wrong?" 

 

"It's my Mum. She can't seem to remember that my Dad's dead, she's got it in to her head that he's late home from work, thats why I had to pretend he was here with me. I need to go and see her Arthur, find out whats wrong." Merlin willed his heart to stop beating so fast. 

 

His Mum would be fine, he promised himself, everything would be fine. 

 

"Of course, yeah. Do you want me to come with you? I could drive you there. It would be a lot quicker then going on the bus." Merlin couldn't help but smile at the gesture, nodding as he got dressed, Arthur following suit. 

 

They left a note for Morgana, who was still asleep as she had a week off right now, and after Arthur had grabbed his keys, they set off in the car. Luckily it was a Saturday, so they didn't need to worry about any lessons. 

 

The excuse Merlin gave his friends was 'he had decided to take an impromptu visit to his Mum's, and wouldn't be back until tonight.' 

 

Arthur's excuse to Sophia was 'his Mum and Dad had invited him to a family dinner, and he hadn't been able to get out of it.' 

 

Again Merlin tried to ignore the un-enthusiastic 'I love you' Arthur left at the end of the call. 

 

'Thinking of you' by Mabel played quietly on the speakers, when Arthur changed the station to Radio 1, but all Merlin could think about was his Mum. Was she waiting for him-them? Or was she out looking for his Dad? Merlin didn't know what was wrong, she could've already forgotten the conversation they'd had only twenty minutes before. He didn't understand. Merlin had spoken to her only days before, and she'd been fine. 

 

But thinking back, had it sounded like she'd been crying, he couldn't be sure. His the anniversary was coming up, so it was going to be a bit raw for his Mum right now. Surely she wouldn't go to these extreme lengths to assure herself, that everything was fine. It was selfish, it was mad, it was- 

 

"Merlin!" Arthur's electric blue eyes bringing him back to reality. He'd stopped the car by the side of the road. 

 

"What are you doing?! We need to get there before-"

 

"Merlin! Calm down, I've never been to your flat have I so I need you to put the address in my sat nav. You need to try not to worry. Your Mum is going to be fine." Merlin nodded and quickly typed there new address in to the machine. Arthur began to start the car again, when Merlin caught his arm. 

 

"Arthur," Merlin started his throat catching, "I can't lose someone else. I can't." 

 

Arthur leaned over and kissed him gently, pushing some of the unruly hair out of Merlin's eyes. "You won't okay? I promise." 

 

Merlin realised then, that he trusted Arthur. It had only just dawned on him too that Arthur had dropped everyone one today- his girlfriend, his clubs possibly even his parents- to look after Merlin, help him. He could count on Arthur. 

 

Somehow that made Merlin feel worse. 

_________________

 

It takes about an hour and a half, but as soon as they pulled up outside of Merlin's block of flats, he jumped out of the car leaving Arthur to park, before he could follow him. Ignoring the lifts, Merlin runs up the six flights of stairs to his flat, before knocking on the door. 

 

When he gets no answer, he starts to panic, trying to turn the handle, shouting for his Mum to answer the door. Arthur appears beside him offering to knock the door down. Merlin nervously moves back allowing him to try. But this wasn't a movie scene, so it didn't work, and all Merlin was left with was a splintered door and Arthur complaining about the pain. 

 

He's just considered ringing the fire brigade, when the door beside them opens, an elderly lady's head popping out. In his state of dread Merlin had forgotten about their neighbours. 

 

"I'm sorry about all the noise, but my Mum rang me-"

 

"Your Mother is Hunith Emrys right?" She cuts in, her face seeming to relax.

 

Merlin nods until his head hurts saying, "Yes! Have you seen her?" 

 

She nods, "You might want to come inside." Merlin walked through her door, Arthur not far behind. They went in to a living room decked out with mis-matched furniture, the door to the kitchen firmly shut. They sat on a leather sofa and the woman (who introduced herself as Abigail) began to explain she'd knocked to borrow some tea bags, Hunith had been a good friend of hers since she moved in, and when Hunith had answered the door she had been acting strangely, asking if she'd had seen her husband. 

 

"It's like she didn't recognise me, the only thing she cared about was finding her, husband. But I'd never seen her with a man before, and I was worried there might be something wrong so I invited her in, said she could wait with me for him." 

 

"Yeah my Dad died a couple of years ago. Like I said before she rang me, asked me the same question. I thought she was acting strangely too so my- er my friend Arthur and I drove down here. I go to Brunel University, and live in, so thats why you don't know me."

 

Abigail told them how before they'd arrived his Mum started having what she thought was a panic attack. "I rang an ambulance and they should be here any minute. But I'm pretty sure its more then that. She's in the kitchen if you want to see her. And I do know you." She added. "If you're Merlin that is. Whenever we've chatted in the past she always talks about you." 

 

Merlin's heart doubled in size, as he walked over to the kitchen door, slowly turing the brass handle, the door squeaking as he did so. 

 

His Mother's tear streaked face met his, her face distorted in to a shaky grin. 

 

"I couldn't find him Merlin. I looked everywhere and I was up all night worrying about what could have happened to him and I-I..." 

 

Fresh tears streamed down her face, and Merlin ran over to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, her sobs muffled on his jumper. 

 

"Mum don't cry. You can't find him because, Mum, he's dead. You were there in the car, when it happened don't you remember? It wasn't your fault. We're gonna get you help okay." Merlin's eyes started to brim with tears but he tried to hold himself together, focusing on his Mum. 

 

Her crying seemed to get louder, her shoulders shaking. It was like his Mum had had her suspicions before hand, and Merlin had just clarified what she was already thinking.

 

In between sobs, she managed to say "I'm s-sorry I couldn't s-save him Merlin." 

 

"There was nothing you could do Mum! I don't blame you, I'm just happy that I didn't lose both of you." He hugged her tighter, as he heard a knock at the door, muffled voices and footsteps moving towards the kitchen.

 

Arthur's face appeared around the door, nodding to signal it was the ambulance. 

 

He let himself be pulled away as the paramedics, circled around his Mum, speaking to her slowly, asking her if she knew where she was. He didn't fight Arthur's hands as they pulled him in to a hug, resting Merlin's head on his shoulder.

 

When the paramedics convinced Merlin's Mum to come with them willingly, to the hospital, they follow them out, watching her drive away in the ambulance; eyes wide as she listened to the woman beside her. 

 

"Thanks for being here." Merlin said to Arthur, sniffing. 

 

"I'm always here for you Merlin. Always." 

__________________

 

They followed the Ambulance in Arthur's car, Abigail giving them her number so they could ring her with any news. 

 

The drive was intense, Merlin turning off the radio the minute it started playing 'Don't let me Down' by The Chainsmokers. The Irony, Merlin thought when the singer sang 'I think I'm losing my mind now' was too much to bare. Arthur kept looking over at him, opening his mouth to say something but then thinking better of it. Merlin ignored it, knowing if he was in Arthur's situation he'd have no idea what to say either. 

 

The local hospital was only about 25 minutes away, but as soon as he stopped the car Arthur locked his door, which automatically locked all the others. 

 

"What are you doing Arthur, I need to go in-"

 

"You need to calm down. You acting like this isn't going to make your Mother any better. She's in the best place now, and they'll do everything they can to find out what's wrong with her. So I'm going to unlock the doors, and then we'll go in together okay?" Arthur said, calmly looking at Merlin. 

 

He was right, Merlin thought, he couldn't make this situation any harder for his Mum. It was Hunith who was ill, not Merlin. 

 

He nodded, and Arthur unlocked the doors of the car, before they made there way in to A&E unit of the hospital. They quietly asked a nurse at the desk at the front of the hospital about Hunith, saying she should have just been brought in. After Merlin confirmed that he was her son, he said she's been taken to the psychiatric ward, but he didn't have any other information. 

 

Merlin's heart sank. The psychiatric ward? 

 

Arthur thanked the nurse, and steered Merlin over to a close by waiting area. 

 

"When he has more information, he'll give it to us. Try not to worry." When Merlin didn't respond Arthur sighed, offering to get them both a coffee. Merlin nodded, knowing Arthur (probably) knew how he liked it, and Arthur patted his shoulder, walking down the corridor in search of a hot drinks machine. 

 

While he was gone Merlin watched the clock, counting the minutes, the seconds as they went by, waiting for any news. Arthur came back about 900 seconds later two plastic cups full of steaming coffee. He tried to pass one to Merlin, eventually putting it down on the table next to him, when he wouldn't take it himself. 

 

Not once did Merlin take his eyes off of the clock, the hour hand ticking past one o'clock, then two. It was something to focus on, it stopped Merlin from imagining anything bad in his head, picturing the worst outcomes to this awful situation. 

 

The coffee soon went cold, Merlin missing the chance to check if Arthur had remembered. 

 

The whole time though Arthur was a comforting presence at his side, not trying to make conversation, but always making sure he knew he was there. If the reason they were there wasn't so horrible, he'd be grateful, and make sure Arthur knew he was. 

 

After what felt like days, despite it only being a few hours, a doctor came in to the waiting room. After a quick conversation with the nurse at the front desk, which involved him pointing over at Arthur and Merlin. The doctor hurries over to them a sad smile on her face. 

 

"Nurse Martin said you're Hunith Emrys' son, is that correct?" She asked, looking at Merlin. 

 

"Yeah, yeah I'm Merlin. Where is my Mum, is she going to be alright?" The doctor invited them in to her office so they could 'talk privately'. Somehow that made Merlin feel more nervous.

 

"From the psychiatrists conversation with your Mum we've been able to diagnose her with post traumatic stress disorder. I know this may seen surprising as up until a couple of hours ago she wasn't showing any of the really noticeable symptoms. Its not very easy to control and never really completely goes away, but now we know about it, we can help her begin to realise she needs for help and can ask for it. Its lucky you called us when you did." 

 

Merlin tried to take it all in. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but it definitely wasn't that. "But what about her forgetting about my Dad's death?" The doctor asked him to explain, so he did, going over the phone call and what she said before the paramedics arrived. He also told her about his Dad dying and the fact his Mum was in the car with him. 

 

"I think that was probably a coping mechanism for her. I'm sorry to say this, but your Dad's death probably triggered the disorder, it explains why she's acting like this." The doctor explained, moving her hands for emphasis. 

 

"What happens now? Is she going to get treatment for it." Merlin asks. 

 

"We've decided that the best thing for her is to send her to a local clinic, that helps with all kinds of disorders. She can stay there for a couple of weeks, months if she needs to, speak to the live-in psychiatrist, learn how to cope with her illness. We think it could really help her. She's already agreed to go there. The fact she's asking for help with her illness is amazing progress." 

 

After that all that was left to do was to get the address of the clinic from the Doctor, and go and see Hunith. She looked a lot better when they arrived at the room she was staying in, eyes no longer anxious, arms opening wide when she saw Merlin. 

 

He hugged her tightly, before awkwardly introducing Arthur (again as a friend), who shook her hand politely. 

 

She told him about the clinic and asked if it would be okay if she went. 

 

"You're at Brunel now, so you don't need me all the time, and if there was an emergency you could always ring me and-" 

 

"Mum. Your health is way more important then worrying about me. I'm not 10 anymore I can look after myself. Just concentrate on getting better." He smiled reassuringly and she did the same, before turning her head to Arthur. 

 

Not sure what to say Arthur blurts out "Don't worry Mrs Emrys we'll keep an eye on him." At this she laughs, giving Merlin a look he can't be bothered to decipher. 

 

Shortly after that a nurse comes in, politely saying she needs to check Hunith in to her room for the next few days, while they sort out a room for her at the clinic. Merlin promises to come back when its all sorted, pack his Mum's things and help her move in to the clinic. She hugs him again, tighter then usual.

 

"Keep out of trouble okay. I love you." She says the last part quietly, like she thinks Merlin might be embarrassed for Arthur to hear that. 

 

"I always do Mum. And I love you too." He says the last part as loud as the first, pulling away to see his Mum wearing the biggest smile on her face. 

 

Eventually they have to leave, stupid visiting times, and he walks out, hand in hand with Arthur back to his car. 

 

"Thanks again for coming Arthur." 

Arthur laughs, as he puts the key in to the ignition, backing out of the space. "Stop thanking me, seriously it was no trouble. It would've taken you ages to get here by bus I was doing you a favour." 

 

"I know, but transport issues aside, it was just nice to not have to go through all that on my own. I just wanted you to know I appreciated it." 

 

They stop at a red light outside of the hospital, and sensing an opportunity, he leans over kissing Arthur hard, on the lips, as the latter lets out a surprised moan. 

 

When the cars behind them start to beep in anger, Merlin pulls away reluctantly and Arthur eyes wide, breathing deeply drives past the traffic lights.

 

"I'd prefer that to a thank you, any day."

 

And Merlin laughs in surprise, setting off Arthur, as they drive down the road. Merlin turns the radio back on and they sing along (out of tune) to 'Respect' by Aretha Franklin, as they make their way back to Brunel, the sun romantically setting behind them. 

_________________

 

Merlin asks Arthur to drop him off five minutes away from the school. He pretends its because he needs some fresh air, fancies a walk. Really its because he doesn't want to have to worry about someone else seeing them.

 

After a relatively quick goodbye (or a ten minute make out session) Merlin walks back through the gates to campus, following the path past the main office towards Fox Hut House.

 

Unfortunately Merlin didn't need to worry about anyone seeing them, as all his flatmates were out, if the dark flat is anything to go by. He starts to wonder where they could be, when he turns on his phone, and it starts to ring. Gwen's name flashes on to the screen and he answers it with a cautious 'hello?' 

 

"Merlin thank god. Are you back from your Mum's yet?" Gwen's voice sounds anxious down the phone, even though muffled laughs can be heard in the background. He can hear Gwen shushing them, whoever the people laughing were. 

 

I'll give you two guesses, Merlin thought. 

 

"Yeah just now, you alright?" 

 

"Um... well do you know where the main hall is..."

_________________

 

When Merlin finally made it to the hall, Gwen was waiting for him outside and before he could ask her what exactly was wrong, her hand was pulling at his jumper, and smoothing his hair. Merlin was confused.

 

"I'm sorry, but when did you become my second Mum?" He questioned, cheekily and she sighed in exasperation. 

 

"I can't tell you... Just follow me okay? Quickly!" Gwen's face was pinched with worry, but her eyes shined mischievously 

 

"Yes Miss." He answered jokingly, following her through the corridor towards the hall, where a light murmuring of voices could be heard from the shut doors.

 

"What is this? Some kind of assembly or something-"

 

When Gwen opened the doors, everyone's eyes seemed to swivel towards them, and the it felt like the room went silent for a moment. The room was laid out with tables, red table cloths sweeping to the floor, and waiters and waitresses quick marched around the vast space taking drink orders. A main stage held a podium, and seats with the Headmistress of the school and some of the Governors taking up those seats. They were all either staring down at them, or whispering to each other.

 

"That's him! That's Merlin Emrys." Gwaine shouted, standing at his table, from the other side of the room, pointing towards where they were standing. Merlin looked at Gwen to see why this was important, but suddenly a loud thunder of applause ripped through the hall, and he was being ushered on to the stage, what the fuck he thought, as a trophy engraved with the words 'best newcomer' in gold was shoved in to his hands. 

 

Gaius appeared beside him and quickly explained, he'd been nominated for the schools 'best newcomer' award which had been called ten minutes ago. He added that he knew it was last minute, was supposed to be a surprise. They didn't know he'd blow off the whole event completely. 

 

Don't worry about a long speech, Merlin thought, just thank everyone. So he did.

 

And for an improvised speech, merlin had to admit, it was pretty good. He even managed to make a joke about his lateness on the spot. 

 

When he had thanked all the other people on the stage, Gaius especially who was full of praise for his 'phenomenal' Film work, he walked over to the table, he had seen Gwaine sat at, when they walked in. Will was there, and Gwen looking sheepish, Lance, Percival, Freya and Morgause were there as well cheering as he walked over; trophy in hand. 

 

"A bit of warning would have been nice Gwen. I'm not exactly dressed for it am I?" He pointed down at his scruffy jeans and jumper. He almost couldn't believe he'd just excepted an award in clothes he'd been wearing for nearly two days straight. 

 

The rest of the table didn't know that though, and just laughed, Gwen admitting "I couldn't tell you, you might not have turned up." 

 

"So this is the leavers do everyone's been going on about for the last month?" Merlin asked. They all nodded, Merlin had been thinking about going but until now hadn't thought he would get an award, or a date for the whole event. And if Merlin was being truly honest, he hadn't fancied being forced to watch Sophia and Arthur canoodling for a whole evening. But Arthur wasn't here (not surprising) and so was Sophia (very surprising) so things were looking up. 

 

After Merlin had ordered some drinks to celebrate, the table started talking again, but this time about Sophia. Apparently she had gone home about twenty minutes ago, when she got a call from Arthur. About the time they got back, Merlin thought, but he tried to look surprised, act like he cared as Freya explained the story further. 

 

"She's been in a bad mood all day, Arthur was supposed to come with her today, but he had an important dinner or something, so he couldn't make it. He's brave to ditch someone like Sophia." Arthur had left Sophia without a date for him? He couldn't help feeling a bit smug, trying to make sure the feeling didn't reach his face. 

 

"Or just plain stupid." Said Leon, as he walked up behind Gwaine, sitting beside him. Gwaine's arm wrapped round his shoulders almost immediately, as everyone laughed at what he'd said. The conversation around them continued, but Gwaine only had eyes for Leon now, leaning in to tell him something only Leon could hear. Whatever it was made Leon blush and grin.

 

Merlin couldn't help but envy them, just a little. If only Arthur could be that open, that forward in front of other people. 

 

He wondered where Arthur was, what he was doing with Sophia, but immediately regretted it; things he didn't want to think about appearing in his mind.

 

I deserve this, Merlin thought, I deserve to enjoy this. 

 

And for the rest of the night he didn't think about Arthur once. But he did get pretty drunk, so even if he did think about him, in the morning he couldn't remember it. 

________________

 

| March | 

 

March was starting, before they finally found his Mum a space at the local clinic, and Merlin took the bus up there early one Tuesday morning. He didn't have any lectures that day, and was glad he had the full day to spend with his Mum, make sure she got settled.

 

He hadn't told Arthur he was going, didn't want to make it awkward for him with Sophia. He was also just getting bored of lying. If he was getting sick of it now, he couldn't imagine how Arthur felt. 

 

He made sure he knocked on Abigail's door and told her everything that happened at the hospital. She listened patiently, asking for the clinic's address when he had finished so she could visit Hunith. 

 

"Well done for being so supportive too Merlin." She'd said. "It'll all work itself out in the end, you wait and see." 

 

After they'd said bye to each other Merlin opened the door to their flat. It felt eerily silent without his Mum, running out of the kitchen to greet him. 

 

He thought about what she had said while he was packing his Mum's suitcase, filling it with clothes, pyjamas, socks and her dressing gown. Never did he think he would have to touch his Mum's bras and knickers, and he laughed to himself looking forward to telling Gwaine about it later.

 

But he couldn't tell him, because none of his friends knew about his Mum's diagnosis. He couldn't even tell Arthur because he didn't know he was here. He really couldn't stand all of this lying.

 

When he got to the hospital, his Mum was waiting with the psychiatrist she had been seeing for the last couple of days. She quickly hugged Merlin, saying bye to the psychiatrist, and thanking him for all his help over the last couple of days. 

 

They were then escorted to the clinic, with a nurse from the hospital, in an ambulance. It felt strange being in an ambulance when it wasn't rushing someone or you to hospital. It even stopped because of some traffic at one point which just made it even stranger.

 

The clinic looked like an old people's home, he'd been to back in Lutterworth, all flowers and kind nurses and small rooms that all looked the same. One of his friends had had a Grandma that stayed there and he'd gone with him a couple of times to see her. 

 

His Mum seemed happy enough though, so he didn't say anything, her room had a view of the clinic's garden. He helped her unpack, went down to the main hall with her to meet the other people staying there. Because it was his Mum she started chatting to the first people she saw, had made friends before Merlin left. 

 

"You be good okay? I'll see you..." 

 

"Next week, when I come up to visit. And the nurses they've got my number so if you ever want to ring me, for any reason-"

 

His Mum laughed, pulling him in to a hug. "I know Merlin, I know! But I probably won't need it. I've got all the help I need. But if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be able to see a light at the end this never ending tunnel. So thank you." 

 

Merlin left before he started crying, now only fully appreciating what his Mum did for him. Since his Mum had died, she had completely put his needs before her own, always asking whether he was okay; instead of worrying about herself.

 

When he got on the bus back to Brunel, his phone rung 'Arthur' flashing on to the screen. He had given him his number ages ago, but they barely ever text each other or phone, as they do sort of see each other nearly every day. This had to be important.

 

"Yes Arthur?" 

 

"Oh hey Merlin, I was just..."

 

"What?" 

 

"Well I was- I was just wondering where you were. We're round Gwen's- me, Sophia everyone- and they said you left really early this morning. Is everything okay with your Mum?" Merlin couldn't believe it. Arthur was actually calling just to see if he was okay. If his heart warmed at the thought a little, no one else needed to know. 

 

"Arthur Pendragon, are you checking up on me?" 

 

He laughed, if a little embarrassedly, and answered. "No, I'm checking on your Mum. I'm guessing you left to take her to the clinic the nurse told us about." 

 

"Yeah, I just left her. She seems really happy, under the circumstances. I just hope she wasn't putting on a brave face for me." Merlin sighed.

 

"Don't worry about that Merlin. She's in the best possible hands, you've done all you can. Do you want me to come with you, the next time you visit?" 

 

"You might miss another important party. Won't Sophia be upset." He said sarcastically. He could feel Arthur rolling his eyes through the phone, as the bus stopped next to the road.

 

"I think she'll cope without me. Do you want me to come or not?"

 

"Yeah, I guess." Merlin said, hoping he didn't sound too happy through the phone. When he'd put the phone down he realised there was only four more stops before he was back at Brunel.

 

That gave him about twenty minutes, he thought, to get this stupid, dopey grin off of his face.

___________________

 

For the rest of the month, Merlin threw himself in to his work, spurred on by his award, trying not to think about what the rest of the month was leading to. 

 

Even on his birthday, a couple of weeks before the anniversary, Merlin couldn't fully appreciate his friends, and their gifts. They even had drinks at 'Horizon' (why there, Merlin thought, why?) and it wasn't that he didn't enjoy himself. He just didn't feel, in that month in particular, there was anything to celebrate. 

 

The card and book from Derek, and the card from his Mum; he got in the post made him feel better to an extent. Mostly because Hunith signed the card with 'both of us x' after her message. Arthur's present (tickets to a special viewing of 'Taxi' at a cinema in London) was unbelievable, and if anything it made him want to tell everyone about them more. Most of the time Merlin just thought he was going to cry or throw up, and no amount of Alcohol could get that bitter-sweet taste out of his mouth. 

 

So if he started to act peculiarly around his friends, off with his teachers, even with Arthur, no one knew the real reason. Most of his friends put it down to stress. He knew, because he'd heard Gwen and Lance having a conversation about it. 

 

Merlin thought he was entitled to this, to grieve for him. It even took Arthur a couple of weeks to work it out, and by then the anniversary was mere days away.

 

When the fateful day did finally rear its head, Merlin felt... Numb. He wanted to cry, but no tears would shed, he wanted to shout, scream, but his throat was dry. 

 

He begrudgingly got up, not bothering with breakfast, as he wondered what he was going to do today. He had already called his Mum asked if he should visit, but unsurprisingly she had said no, pretending she could cope on her own. 

 

Merlin knew why, she didn't want him having to stress about whether his Mum was doing okay, on top of this and exams. Once again she was putting Merlin before herself, and Merlin hated her and loved her for it at the same time. 

 

However this meant he would have to spend the day on his own, going through everything on his own. No one else knew about this, and the one person that did wouldn't even have time to do anything today. He'd probably forget. 

 

But it was a Monday, so at half one he left for his first film class of the week, forgetting to wait for Will. He seemed a bit annoyed at first but after a while he seemed to come round (after noticing the bags under Merlin's eyes). 

 

He'd left his phone at home, didn't want to have to speak to any other mourning relatives, not today.

 

After his class, on what Merlin didn't know as he was mainly focusing on what he thought his Dad would say to him, right now if he were still alive. Seeing Merlin wasn't paying attention he probably would've shouted 'This is important, lad, listen to this Gaius geezer!' He laughed then. So loudly he attracted a lot of attention from the people on the pavement he was walking down.

 

Will had noticed he was off, during the lecture, at one point asking if he was okay. "Yeah," Merlin had replied. "Just a bit tired." It was as if Will knew he hadn't been listening, as he passed Merlin his notes for the lesson with a smile, before waving goodbye, on his way to creative writing club.

 

When he finally got back to the flat, all Merlin wanted to do was put his pyjamas on, eat crisps and watch 'Friends' re-runs. Sadly as soon as he walked in to the room, Gwaine pounced on him like a tiger, quickly telling him they were going out for drinks. And if he wanted to come he had to get ready in 20 minutes.

 

Might as well, Merlin Thought, something to put my mind off things. He nodded and Gwaine hugged him tightly before sashaying back to his room.

 

Merlin didn't really pay attention to what he threw on, after he'd showered and brushed his teeth, he did only have seven minutes left.

 

Secretly, Merlin thought, this could be a kind of send off to his Dad. No one else had to know, his friends had gotten used to Merlin being quiet (knew he would get out of this hole eventually) and while they chatted he could think of his Dad, about all his memories with him, knowing he wasn't alone. 

 

And, he pondered, Arthur knows. Even if he's forgotten its today, Merlin only has to look at him in a certain way, and he knows there's something wrong.

 

Merlin doesn't want to have to think of what that might mean.

____________________

 

The gathering is in full swing, all eleven of them are there, drinking together.

 

Merlin still isn't sure of the reason, Morgause might have gotten a new job or something, but he doesn't care; any excuse to drink right now is a good thing, in Merlin's eyes.

 

Morgana has even made an appearance. On any other day Merlin would be shitting himself, but those kind of emotions have taken a back seat to his main feeling right now- grief. 

 

She keeps looking at Merlin and Arthur, then back at Merlin. The fact Sophia won't keep her grubby little hands off of Arthur isn't helping. Its get slightly irritating and Merlin has had enough, if he's quite honest. As an excuse to get away from her (Sophia or Morgana? Merlin decides its both of them) Merlin offers to get the next round of drinks in.

 

He walks over to the bar mentally trying to remember the orders in his head, when he hears someone walking behind him. 

 

Merlin swears, if that's Morgana he will-

 

But it's not. It's Arthur, standing there with a sad sort of smile on his face, leaning his elbows on the counter, next to Merlin.

 

"You okay Merlin?" 

 

"'Course I am." 

 

Arthur sighs before saying, "You don't have to lie to me Merlin. I remember what you said when we went out that time. And by how distant you've been, especially today, I'm guessing the anniversary is today? How you coping?"

 

Even though Merlin can remember telling Arthur, he still can't believe he remembered. That date was months ago. If they were alone, Merlin thought, he would kiss him right now. He wished he could. 

 

"Okay, just still a bit raw, ya know? Mum didn't want to see me, didn't want to stress me out anymore. She was just being trying to be considerate, but... I would've rather been with her. Been there to comfort her." 

 

"Well I'm always here for you okay. Whenever." 

 

The bartender comes over, and Merlin starts to list off the drinks, Arthur saying all the orders he forgets. 

 

Merlin tries not to react too obviously, when Arthur reaches for his hand, in the dark lighting of the pub, intertwining their fingers and squeezing Merlin's in his. 

 

Arthur's touch anchors Merlin, it lets him know he's there. Right now thats what Merlin needs.

___________________

 

| April | 

 

The practice exams are looming, and everyone- including Gwaine- is being forced to stop there partying for studying. 

 

Merlin barely has any time to see Arthur, mind too consumed with film quotes to have a proper conversation with him anyway, as there both busy with extra revision classes.

 

The one time they do get a chance to speak to each other Merlin is (stupidly) brave and blurts out the question 'do you want to come to Lutterworth with me during the Easter holidays?' 

 

They're at Morgana's at the time and shes asleep in her room, back from a long flight to Japan and getting some rest. She said before that if either Merlin and Arthur made too much noise she would kick them both out. With that warning clear in their mind, they're sitting in the living room the TV turned down, just talking. 

 

Arthur's wearing track suit bottoms and an ancient shirt with the faded words 'Jumpathon 2015' on the front. It was a bet with Lance, apparently. Merlin is wearing one of Arthur's fleeces, because earlier on he had said he was cold. It was like a scene from a film, only better because it was real. Arthur wasn't acting, putting on a show for an audience. 

 

Merlin was enjoying it up till now, before he opened his big mouth and put his foot right in it, because Arthur is staring at him (the re-run of 'Sherlock' in the background forgotten) his eyebrows knotted in confusion. 

 

"Don't worry if you don't want to come, I don't even really know where that came from-"

 

"No, I do Merlin." Arthur interrupted, lifting the weight that had been on Merlin until he said those four words. "I'm just wondering, what about your Mum. And where would we stay?" 

 

Merlin hadn't really thought about that. "Well we can visit my Mum on the way back. Its just I heard you and Gwaine talking the other day and you said your Mum and Dad were going to Switzerland for the week, and Morgana's on a flight to Canada so... I thought you could come and see the book shop, the one I told you about."

 

"The one with the Dragon?" Arthur said, laughing.

 

"Yeah, that's the one." Merlin answered, smiling. 

 

"And ya know..." Merlin said, crawling over to Arthur until he was sat on top of him, "We could always stay over in a hotel."

 

Arthur smile transformed in to a smirk as he said, "Same or separate rooms?" 

 

Merlin leans down, till their lips are inches apart, Arthur's hands coming to rest on the side of Merlin's thighs. "Same, you idiot. Sound good?" 

 

"Sounds amazing-" Arthur answers, but Merlin never gets to find out what else he was going to say, because he presses their lips together silencing Arthur apart from a surprised groan. Merlin's arms wrap around Arthur's broad shoulders, as they deepen the kiss. 

 

Arthur rakes his hands up and down Merlin's upper thighs as he moves closer, there chests heaving now, lips red and swollen as they come apart; only for a second, before Merlin is slipping his tongue in to Arthur's mouth, letting out a moan himself, as Arthur runs his fingers up and down Merlin's back. The bulge in Arthurs track suits is becoming more prominent and Merlin has just started to press against it when- 

 

"Hey guys what's- Oh my god, oh my god! I'm sorry, I didn't realise. Don't worry I'll just... Leave you two to it." Morgana runs back in to her bedroom, embarrassed, before Merlin and Arthur burst out laughing, there looming orgasms forgotten for a second. 

 

"I've never seen Morgana that embarassed in my entire life!" Arthur states, sounding stunned. "Do you want to move this to the guest room, Emrys?" Arthur then asks, his eyes wide with need.

 

"I thinks thats probably best." Merlin replies, smirking.

_______________

 

"Is it a coincidence that you're going to Lutterworth, the same day Arthur is going to Canada with Morgana?" 

 

Bugger, Merlin thinks. Gwen stands at his bedroom door, arms folded waiting for an answer. They had tried to be so careful. 

 

Everyone was going away to see their family and friends, and it didn't actually look that weird Merlin and Arthur were going on the same day. Merlin thought the fact Arthur was dropping Merlin off at the train station, might look a bit weird, but luckily no one batted an eyelid.

 

Well no one except Gwen. Whenever Merlin and Arthur's names were used in the same sentence, Gwen was listening. 

 

"Not exactly." Merlin answers carefully, he might as well tell her. If he doesn't she'll just presume anyway, without knowing the full story. 

 

"So what exactly is happening?" Gwen says, walking in to the room and shutting the door behind her. 

 

"We'll I've decided to go to Lutterworth, to see some of my friends." Gwen hummed like she thought it was bad idea. Merlin was still wondering if it was a good idea himself. If Merlin bumped in to them... He really wasn't sure what would happen.

 

"And I asked Arthur if he wanted to go with me and he said yes so we're going together, don't hurt me it was kind of a spur of the moment thing." Gwen groaned, and dropped her head in to her hands. 

 

"I thought you said it was just casual."

 

"It is!" Merlin protested. 

 

"Are you staying over, like in a hotel?" Gwen asked, eyebrow raised. 

 

"Well yeah, but that doesn't mean-"

 

"I bet its an expensive hotel. And Arthur insisted on paying for it, even though you invited him." Gwen stated, and Merlin hated her for knowing Arthur so well.

 

It was quite a new hotel, had only opened at the start of Merlin's third year at Leicester University. Before Merlin fucked everything up. 

 

"Look I'm not presuming he's paying because his families so well off, I just think it makes him feel better about lying to his girlfriend, his parents, us! He still doesn't know that I know, but god if he did." Gwen says angrily.

 

"Gwen he's really not that bad-" 

 

"I know! Don't get me wrong I think Arthur's great, but when it comes to his feelings, he can get them pretty confused. I just don't want to see you get hurt, or Sophia no matter how annoying she can be. Like I said before, these kind of relationships can only end badly." 

 

Merlin knew she was right. He did of course, if someone he was friends with was dating a closeted guy who already had a girlfriend (and when you put it like that, it did sound ridiculous) he'd be giving them the same advice. 

 

But like his Mum would say he was looking at the relationship they had, through rose tinted spectacles and wouldn't finish it. He couldn't. He was in too deep. 

 

"I guess I'm not going to be able to change your mind?" Gwen asked sweetly, her normal cheery smile finally coming back.

 

Merlin shook his head. Gwen's eyes widened. 

 

"What?" Merlin questioned, alarmed.

 

"You don't ya know...have real feelings do you?" Gwen whispered, her expression becoming grave. 

 

"What, No! God no, its just casual I swear. I wouldn't fall for someone, I couldn't be with." Merlin answered, confidently. Of course I wouldn't be that stupid, Merlin thought. Would I?

 

"Promise me you won't. There is someone out there for you, someone who isn't afraid to be themselves; and when Arthur sees you with him, he'll kick himself for being so scared of what others think. Until then just... remember all the bad things about Arthur." 

 

Gwen thought for a second and then said, "He has really wonky teeth." 

 

Which Merlin thought was adorable.

 

"His posh accent is annoying." 

 

Which Merlin actually loved. It made him feel like he was dating a Prince.

 

"And He's full of himself!" 

 

Merlin couldn't argue with that one. But he never made Merlin feel insignificant, compared to him. He liked Merlin, not just because he was good in bed but because of his massive ears, and his clumsiness and the way he dribbled in his sleep.

 

He loved all of his imperfections too. 

 

So did Merlin. But did he love him?

 

Merlin couldn't answer that question straight away, and that terrified him.

________________

 

"Last exam, whoop!" Gwaine shouted coming over to there group, outside the main hall, hugging Leon tightly; while Merlin, Arthur and Lance watched on. Seeing Gwaine this content -with Leon, not because he just had his last exam- really made Merlin happy. 

 

Merlin was also proud to be able to say he had helped Gwaine and given him a final shove in the right direction, to properly date Leon. The two of them would never know that in the process they'd actually helped Arthur and Merlin, sort out what they were. 

 

So in a way Gwaine kind of payed Merlin back for making him watch that shitty film.

 

"Until next term anyway. Ya know, when we do our real exams?" Will smiled, not missing a beat, and Gwaine's eyes narrowed. 

 

"Not even you William can ruin my mood. Now come on Leon, we need to pack." Gwaine started, and Leon laughed, eyebrows furrowing. "For what?" He asked.

 

"Now that would ruin the surprise wouldn't it? Anyway lads enjoy the last day before the holidays, drink, party, have a one night stand, whatever takes your fancy and I'll see you all next term. Adios!" He waved and bowed dramatically, before steering Leon in the opposite direction, hands together as Gwaine whispered something in his ear. 

 

A faint 'No way!-' could be heard before they had turned the corner, leaving the rest of them on there own, waving at thin air. 

 

"Anyway... How do you guys think you did?" Lance asked, expectantly, whey they all looked back. Merlin could tell by the amount of effort they had all been putting in, they had to come back with at least decent grades next term. 

 

They all nodded, saying which question they hated the most. They had all gone quiet for a second, Then Arthur and Lance started complaining about a question on international journalism. 

 

"Right well as you guys are talking about something I know nothing about, Merlin and I are going to sit over there. Shout when you're done. Seeya!" Will shouted, dragging him over to an empty bench, before they could reply.

Lance looked slightly irritated at the comment, but carried on. "Sorry its just, I've known them for years, and you have to move before they suck you in to it there debate, and its confusing- to anyone that doesn't take journalism that is. what are you doing over the holidays?" 

 

"Not much." Merlin said, surprised at how calm he felt and glanced over at Arthur, who surprisingly was already looking at him. 

 

His breath caught, and he had to pretend to cough, trying to avoid suspicion. He looked back at Will before saying, "Just visiting my home town, Lutterworth to see a few friends."

 

"Nice. Will you be seeing the mystery man by any chance?" As soon as Will had said those two words, Merlin's eyes snapped to Arthur again, and he wished they were closer to each other, so Arthur could hear what he said.

 

"Here's hoping...." (assuming it all went smoothly, he'd never leave his side.)

_________________

 

Merlin packed his suitcase, under Gwen's disapproving eye, for when they left tomorrow. They were only staying for one night and the hotel would have shower gel and shampoo, so he didn't bother taking those.

 

When he left, he hugged all the boys that were still in the flat, but Gwen said 'I'll come downstairs with you.' Uh oh, Merlin thought. They walked down the stairs in silence, Gwen holding the other end of Merlin's suitcase, so he didn't trip down the steps.

 

The weather outside was choppy and windy, Merlin's fringe in his face the minute the door opened. It also said on the weather forecast today there was a 50% chance of rain. Brilliant.

 

Great, Merlin thought, as Arthur's swish car skidded up to the pavement. Arthur opened the window, frowning a little before saying "you can put your suitcase in the boot Merlin. Alright Gwen?"

 

"I'm great. Don't have too much fun in Canada now." She smiled, callously and Arthur's frown deepened. 

 

"Have a good time Merlin, not too good, but just remember what I said. You could do a lot better." Gwen says, quietly as she hugs Merlin. "Give your love to your friends, oh and your Mum, if you see her." 

 

Merlin tries not to feel bad about not telling Gwen about his Mum being in hospital. He was never able to find the right time. 

 

Merlin smiled and promised he would, before packing the suitcase in to the boot, and walking around the other side of the car, he gets in, Arthur in deep thought. 

 

After a frosty goodbye with Gwen, Arthur turns the key in the ignition and there off, zooming towards Lutterworth and 'he olde book shop'. 

 

"Arthur, are you alright-"

 

"Does Gwen hate me? Its just we used to be really good friends, but lately she's acting weird around me- ALL THE TIME. " Arthur for the first time looked insecure, and Merlin reached over, squeezing his hand.

 

"Don't take it personally. I think her and Lance have just been arguing, only a little over the past week. She's probably just taking the anger out on someone. You were an easy target." Merlin assured him.

 

Arthur stared at him in thought for a second before whispering "I don't think you realise how important you are to me. And you are, very." 

 

Merlin could feel himself falling, for Arthur, everything about Arthur, and there is no safety net, or trampoline at the bottom of his rabbit hole. That line has tipped him over the edge, and unless something catches him, he could get seriously hurt. 

 

Then 'Love is a losing game' by Amy Winehouse comes on the radio, and God isn't fate cruel? Her words sink in and Merlin knows what he's feeling.

 

Love.

 

(Sorry Gwen).

_________________

 

Before they go to visit Derek, Merlin decides to make a quick de-tour giving Arthur directions.

 

They stopped at a motorway cafe before, had some lunch, and Merlin brought some flowers from one of the shops there. Arthur didn't need to ask who they were for.

 

'Balinor Emrys, 1968-2015. A loving Father and a devoted Husband.' The Gravestone read, as Merlin lays the flowers down beside them. 

 

Arthur's arm is around his shoulders before any of the tears really start to fall, but Merlin still ends up sobbing, most of the tears ending up on Arthur's sleeve as he says all the things he didn't get to say a month ago. 

 

"Sorry I'm a bit late, but my last exams are soon, you understand don't you?" Merlin says, worried that Arthur may think its weird that he's talking to a dead body.

 

If he does he doesn't say anything, kissing Merlin's forehead, his arm squeezing Merlin's shoulder comfortingly.

 

Merlin tells Balinor about how his Mum is, and what his new school is like, all the friends he's made. He even touches on Arthur, can't say too much because he's standing right there; doesn't have to, Merlin thinks, Dad would understand. 

 

After a while Merlin's legs begin to feel numb and he finally tells Arthur they can go. He touches the gravestone one last time, the stone cold beneath his hand, whispering a goodbye; before walking up the church path, Arthur's hand in his. 

 

There's some kind of celebration going on, a christening Merlin thinks, at the church. The bells ring as men and women walk out, children running around them. 

 

Merlin looks over, to see if he recognises any of the families, when he notices a pair of cold grey eyes already looking at him. 

 

His blood still runs cold, after all of this time, but the boys grin only widens, but not in a 'nice to see you' kind of way. He nods before turning back to a girl he's with. Luckily Merlin doesn't recognise her.

 

For a moment Merlin forgets Arthur is there, that he witnessed that whole charade, and tries to pretend it didn't happen.

 

But Arthur is persistent, asking him who that was, that weird guy by the Church, the whole way back to the car.

 

Merlin sighs in defeat, and they sit in their seats, Arthur refusing to start the car until Merlin tells him his name, his story. 

 

"It's a boy from my old University, Mordred. Someone I knew started to date one of his friends, and it ended badly. His group ended up beating my friend up, because she broke up with their friend, and he wasn't too happy about it. I guess I'll never really be able to come here without seeing him, or any of the others, I didn't think." Merlin explains, Arthur's body relaxing when he realises that it hadn't directly been Merlin in trouble.

 

"Okay, well as long as he hasn't done anything to you." Arthur says, smiling, and started to drive, re-writing the directions to the book shop in his sat-nav. 

 

Merlin should've felt bad for lying, making that story up on the spot. He should've told Arthur that he and Modred used to be friends, used to hang out at University with lots of other people. Then Merlin started dating one of Mordreds best friends, a guy called Robert. Merlin had really liked him, been absolutely ecstatic when they first went out, but they couldn't tell any of their friends. 

 

Apparently Mordred and some others in the group were really homophobic. Merlin believed him, stupidly as he had never actually heard anyone say anything against gay people apart from Mordred, and continued to see Robert in private. 

 

He had promised that after University ended they could be together properly, and Merlin being the lovesick puppy he was believed every word, just enjoying spending time with Robert away from the group.

 

It was a few months before the first anniversary of his Dad's death, when everyone found out. 

 

Someone had been on Robert's phone and seen all the texts between them. Before Merlin even knew about it, Robert had told everyone how it was Merlin who had pushed himself on Robert, how he felt sorry for him. He even said Merlin had made him stay with him, threatened to tell everyone if he didn't. He made Merlin look desperate, sad.

 

All of his friends thought he was a monster, they didn't care about him being gay, only the fact he had been so manipulative and cunning.

 

That's why some of the group agreed to follow Merlin home one day when it was dark and late, and back him in to a secluded alleyway.

 

Mordred was at the front (surprise, surprise) and he made sure Merlin knew exactly what he thought of him before it started. Fists rained down on him, 5 to 1 and he fell on to the ground, not able to fight back.

 

He still had small scars on his back from how hard they had kicked him. 

 

Really he should have told Arthur that was one of the main reasons he moved schools too, when his Mum found out. 

 

But the whole 'secret relationship' was just too much like what Merlin and Arthur had together, and he couldn't bring himself to ruin it, or for it to end like it all did with Robert. 

 

So he plasters on a fake smile as Arthur says he can't wait to meet 'The Dragon' and prays they don't bump in to Mordred, or anyone from school, again.

_________________

 

The bell dings above the door, and the familiar sound instantly makes Merlin feel at home. Some young children sit on the armchairs by the bookshelf, next to the counter, quiet as they read about imaginary worlds. 

 

Derek ambles out of the back room to see who it is, but when Merlin's eyes meet his they fill with delight, as he runs over to hug him. Merlin is laughing and leaning in to the hug. He feels relieved that even though his world is changing, Derek and this shop are still completely the same. Its a thought he can take solace in.

 

As soon as Derek pulls away he is demanding Merlin introduces him to his 'new friend'.

 

Arthur, realising he's being addressed, steps away from a row of books he was inspecting to walk over and shake Derek's hand. 

 

"This is Arthur, Dragon, he's in my year at Brunel." Merlin explains.

 

"I'm very pleased to meet you Arthur. Any friend of Merlin is a friend of mine." Arthur smiles at this, glancing at Merlin as he does. 

 

Derek invites them both to sit down in the back room, away from prying eyes as Derek puts it, and they sit down on a sofa, opposite to the armchair Derek rests on. 

 

Merlin hopes the way Arthur sits a little close to Merlin for 'just friends', isn't too obvious, but Derek is already talking about how he wants to know everything that has happened since he left. 

 

Merlin tells him about his film classes with Gaius, and his flatmates, the award he won and how different London is to Lutterworth.

 

"Yeah there are no shops like this in London, I wish there were, this place is amazing." Arthur tells Derek, and he sits straighter at the compliment, thanking Arthur. 

 

Merlin talks about his Mother, Derek's grave face telling him he knows about her depression. 

 

Derek says they'd called each other every week since she left. A couple of weeks before she'd gone to the clinic, Derek explained his Mum hadn't been answering his calls. 

 

"I presumed she was busy, with work or something, and I didn't want to bother you because you would have been busy with school work. Sorry I didn't say anything. I've spoken to her since though, and she already sounds so much better. I just wish we'd realised sooner."

 

Merlin doesn't want Derek to feel bad, so he says, "Don't blame yourself. Before i went to Brunel I was with her everyday, and I didn't notice anything." Merlin's voice caught, and he had to stop before he started crying, again.

 

"She's in a really good place now, they'll know how to help her. We were going to go and see her when we went home, weren't we Merlin? It'll be good to see how she is." Derek looked surprised, asking why it sounded like Arthur knew her so well.

 

(It was true, Merlin had called her earlier in the week, to tell her about the trip and seeing her on the way back. He mentioned the fact Arthur was coming, and for the next twenty minutes his Mum wouldn't stop asking whether they were dating. In the end Merlin gave in saying he thought there might be a spark between them, nothing else yet. 

 

His Mum had squealed with excitement, said bye and put the phone down. He didn't like lying to his Mum, but he could just imagine the talk they would have if she found out what Arthur and her son were really up to.)

 

Merlin then had to explain how Arthur was there with him and Abigail when his Mum was first diagnosed. 

 

Derek's grin widened in to a smirk, and Merlin swore if he said anything he would leave before Arthur could say 'what?' 

 

Luckily Arthur asked if he could have a look around the shop, and when Derek said he could 'of course' Arthur smiled at them both; before adventuring back in to the front of the shop. 

 

"Introducing him to the parent already? Wow it must be serious." Derek said, laughing as Merlin tried to deny it. 

 

What could he say? 'Um no we're secretly dating, have been for the last five months or so, because his Dad's homophobic. And even if he wasn't he's got a girlfriend.' 

 

So he just said, "It's complicated. And anyway Arthur was just being supportive, anyone would have been."

 

"But not many people would be offering to visit someone in hospital. He must have really made a good first impression." Derek wriggled his eyebrows. He stood up, patting Merlin on the shoulder, before he followed Arthur out, telling about his special collectors addition, of 'One of the famous Charles Dickens' books. 

 

Yeah, Merlin thought. He did. 

_____________________

 

They didn't get back to the hotel until it was late, missing there check in time. After a heated argument with the receptionist, Arthur handed over £30 for the inconvenience, himself and Merlin were finally allowed to make there way to there room for the night.

 

It was simple, a king sized bed, covered with pillows and fresh sheets lay in the middle of the room, with two sets of drawers next to it. The en suite bathroom was closest to the door, and a chair, mirror and a TV on another chest of drawers. 

 

Merlin knew he should unpack, get his clothes out for tomorrow, but as he turned Arthur started to lift his shirt, revealing a toned stomach and arms, throwing the shirt in his now open suitcase.

 

Merlin came up behind him, the arms around his waist startling Arthur, as he chuckled and turned around. 

 

"do you fancy christening this bed tonight?" Merlin suggested, Arthur's hands round his shoulders. Before he could answer Merlin was surging forward, there lips crashing together in a harsh kiss, Arthur's back against the wall. 

 

After a minute Arthur pushes him away, Merlin trying to keep the hurt look off of his face, studying Arthur's to see what the problem was. 

 

He looked at Merlin, grabbing his hand and the saying, "I want to Merls, you know I do, but you're upset. I don't want you to sleep with me because you want to forget everything else." Merlin realised he had a point.

 

He wasn't using Arthur, no way, he wouldn't, but he wouldn't mind forgetting how messed up his life was right now. And Arthur was here. He always was. 

 

"I'm going to have a shower, you get changed and then we can watch something on TV that sound good?" Arthur asks, running a hand through his hair. 

 

Merlin nodded, checking the time which said 9:48. Arthur walked in to the bathroom, as Merlin walked over to his side of the bed, getting his pyjamas out of his suitcase. They were just a pair of blue tartan trousers and short sleeved top. 

 

At the last minute he decided against the trousers, opting for boxers only, just in case Arthur miraculously changed his mind. 

 

He climbed on to the left side of the bed, without even realising it had become routine. Whenever he slept over at Morgana's his side was the left side, Arthur's the right. 

 

He'd just turned the TV on when Arthur comes out of the bathroom, steam pouring out of the door behind him, water dripping down his chest. Merlin groans. 

 

If they were in a film, the scene would probably end with them having amazing sex. But no, real life didn't like Merlin enough for that to happen. Merlin would have to make do with staring. He was allowed after all. 

 

Arthur towel dried his hair, and changed in to tracksuit bottoms, with no t-shirt. 

 

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Merlin mumbles, and Arthur hears laughing as he sits next to Merlin, leaning down till his mouth was next to Merlin's ear. 

 

"Check out isn't until eleven tomorrow, if you're good, we can do whatever you want." Merlin blushed Scarlett, as Arthur leaned back on the headboard, grabbing the remote, before Merlin snatched it back. They argued over what program to watch, before settling on a 'Gavin and Stacey' re-run. 

 

Unconsciously as the night drew on, Merlin grew closer to Arthur, and by midnight after three episodes of Gavin and Stacey his head was resting on Arthur's shoulder, who was leaning on the headboard still, Arthur's arm was wrapped around his skinny frame. 

 

"You know this is the first time we've slept in the same bed, without sleeping together." Merlin said, as Arthur yawned, only realising how sentimental that sounded after it had come out. 

 

"So it is," Arthur said sleepily, grabbing the remote to switch off the credits to the last episode, "Lets go to sleep Merlin." 

 

They both lay down, after Merlin had switched off the lights, going back in to the position they were in before. 

 

Arthur reached out for Merlin's face, pulling his lips closer to his own, kissing him softly. Shakily Merlin lay back on to Arthur's shoulder, Arthur's heart beating quickly in Merlin's ears. Or was that his? 

__________________

 

"I can't believe that cleaner nearly caught us!" 

 

"It's your fault you were being so loud, she probably thought someone was dying!" Merlin laughed, still hitting Arthur for the comment.

 

The first round of sex in bed this morning had been heavenly, but the second and third round in the shower probably wasn't one of Merlin's best ideas. 

 

The cleaner had insisted he'd been worried about the noise, but his eyes had shown how much he had wanted to laugh. 

 

Luckily they'd only gotten toothpaste and toothbrushes out of there suitcases last night and today's clothes, so in ten minutes they were out, giving the cleaner her key, running out of the hotel before the cleaner saw the mess in the bathroom.

 

They jumped in to Arthur's car, speeding off to see Hunith before they headed back to Brunel.

 

They were still laughing about it hours later 'Fool to Love' by NAO blasting from the radio, when the clinic came in to view. Merlin couldn't help but stiffen a little, wondering if his Mum was going to tell him she was happy there. 

 

As if he could read his mind, Arthur reached for his hand as soon as he'd parked, effectively telling Merlin everything would be alright without saying any words. 

 

They walked through the glass door, passing some other patients, who Merlin tried not to look at. Vases of roses, germinis and lisianthas filling the room with a sweet scent. They approached the front desk, a cheery nurse asking them how she could help them. 

 

Merlin introduced himself, saying he was Hunith Emrys' son, and if they could see her. The nurse nodded, saying Hunith had told her to expect her son today and that she would take them to her.

 

Instead of going to her room, they followed the nurse outside to the gardens. Hunith was sat at a table with a couple of other women, talking about something that looked funny, or Merlin guessed it was by how much they were laughing. 

 

They thanked the nurse, and walked over to the table, Hunith shrieking as she saw the two of them. She ran over pulling them both in to tight hugs.

 

"I'm so glad to see you both. Are you guys okay, how was Derek? Its such a shame I didn't get to see him before I arrived." Merlin laughed at all of the questions, saying he was fine, sitting round the table Arthur next to him.

 

The other women said they'd see Hunith later, so she could have some 'family time' and Hunith hugged them goodbye too, as they strolled inside. 

 

She explained they were friends she'd made soon after she came here.

 

"They have families too, so we understand each other a bit better." She said, her hand crossing the table to touch Merlin's. 

 

"How are you Mum, really?" Merlin asked nervously, hoping he would get a straight answer. 

 

"Well right now I feel good, content. I have good and bad days, and luckily today is a good day. I haven't been thinking about the crash too much, or at least trying not to." She answered, quickly changing the subject and asking how school was. 

 

She gushed as she tells her about the award, and how he thinks there practice exams went well. He thanked her for the card as well.

 

"Sorry I couldn't be there for your birthday Merlin, I wish I could have been. And the award too. Did you see it Arthur?" 

 

"I wasn't there for the award, but his birthday I was. A whole group of us went out, my flatmates and Merlin's and had drinks to celebrate. It was good." Hunith grins, and asks if Gwaine was there.

 

"Yeah he was actually, he's dating my flatmate now." Arthur answers, eyes flicking to Merlin's for a second. 

 

"Oh good for him, I like Gwaine, he helped us unpack when we first moved in to our new flat. He's a nice boy." 

 

Merlin nodded, refusing to look at Arthur, knowing the minute he did he would burst out laughing. 

 

| Arthur's pov | 

 

Later on, Merlin goes to get them all some drinks, after they've spoken for hours about Brunel, and shared stories about things that happened in Lutterworth, and back in London. 

 

Arthur still can't get over how much alike the Emrys' are. The dark hair, skinny frame and smile. They really are strikingly similar. Arthur guesses Merlin gets the massive ears and clumsiness from his Father, because Hunith holds herself like a queen.

 

"So Arthur," she says, shielding her eyes from the sun, "How long have you and my son been seeing each other?" 

 

Arthur chokes on his own spit, looking in to Hunith's 'psychic' eyes. "What do you mean Miss Emrys'?"

 

The eye roll she gives him reminds him of Merlin, and how annoying is that? "Don't insult my intelligence, Arthur I'm not stupid, he's brought you twice over all of his new friends to see me. Does anyone else know about my illness?" 

 

Arthur shakes his head, and Hunith looks triumphant, before repeating her last question. Arthur had never thought of it that way. Out of everyone Merlin had trusted him with this secret. And he'd told him about his Dad dying. Shit.

 

"I'm not sure Miss Emrys' probably about five months now." She nodded, asking him how they first met. 

 

Arthur began to panic. There were only so many things you could tell your secret lovers Mother, without expecting a smack.

 

"We met through our friends. Gwen is Merlin's roommate, and Lance is mine, they're dating you see. They always have a party at the start of the year and Gwen invited Merlin. That's the first time I saw him." God forgive me, Arthur thought. 

 

"And how many times have you had sex?" Arthur looks up, blushing the same colour of the roses in the garden, before Hunith bursts out laughing. 

 

"Your face Arthur, I don't expect you to tell me that, and I'd actually rather not know. As long as you use protection its ok, okay?" Arthur nodded, and she smiled finally satisfied. 

 

She was silent for a second, looking at a bird on a nearby table, clearing up some forgotten bread crumbs. Arthur began to believe the talk was over, if he could call it that. 

 

"Just so you know Arthur, if you break his heart, I'll break your," her voice lowered a little, "dick. But so far you seem suitable Arthur, so don't worry it will probably never come to that." 

 

Arthur nodded, eyes widening as Merlin walked over to the table two waters and a Peach lemonade in his hands. He sat down next to Arthur, passing Hunith her drink.

 

"So," he said, "what were you guys talking about?" 

_________________

While they are driving home, Arthur tells Merlin about what his Mum said. He laughs at first, and Arthur looks at him until he realises he isn't joking.

 

(They had said goodbye to Hunith after she forced them to join her team for a quiz night, that the clinic did every week. They were with the other two women from earlier, they didn't win, but it was fun guessing the answers they didn't know. Just seeing Merlin so happy made having to drive home in the dark worth it for Arthur.)

 

"Don't worry, she'd never do anything to you Arthur, Even if you did break my heart. I've just never heard my Mum swear before." Merlin added, laughing again. 

 

While Arthur was driving, Merlin feel asleep, head pressed onto his shoulder, mouth hanging open. Arthur didn't mind, turing the music down. It gave him a chance to think. 

 

He'd never break Merlin's heart, not on purpose, but the conversation he'd had with Hunith before had opened his eyes to just how uncertain the future was for himself and Merlin. 

 

He couldn't promise Merlin, he would come out to his Father, to everyone for him; couldn't deny he minded what other people thought. 

 

But the more time he spent with Merlin the more Arthur realised he was falling in love with him. 

 

Sophia was getting suspicious though, she wasn't silly. She knew he was spending a lot of time with 'Morgana and his parents' who he complained about daily, and knew sooner or later she would find out.

And who would he choose?

 

Sophia? Or Merlin?

_____________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually love writing in Arthur's pov. Shall I do that for the next chapter? not the whole chapter just part of it. 
> 
> Also shout out to 'Sherlock' and 'Gavin and Stacey', two of the best british shows ever. For those of you who don't know what Gavin and Stacey is, James Corden stars, and that in itself should be a reason to watch it. 
> 
> if you don't know what Sherlock is 1. have you been on the internet before? and 2. hurry up and watch the first three series because the new one starts soon. I can't wait!
> 
> I just want to say, that I don't mean to offend anyone with the post traumatic stress storyline so if anyone reading this is going through that I apologise if it's not very accurate. But someone close to me has a mental illness, and right now she's in a clinic trying to get better, so I thought I might draw attention to the fact there is help out there. And if anyone is going through this, don't go through it alone, tell someone! 
> 
> Again i apologise that it has been so long, but this chapter is my longest yet, so thats partly my excuse. 
> 
> Remember the playlist is on Spotify 'Hook, Line and Sinker ⚓'.
> 
> And I'm on tumblr 'inmyheadiamjudgingyou'. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. It was obviously going too well, to last long.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More secrets come out. Arthur is in turmoil. Will they be able to get through this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for Angst, Angst and more Angst! 
> 
> Enjoy, I know its a lot shorter then some of my other chapters but its only set around three weeks, whereas the others are set around three months, so thats why they're so much longer.
> 
> The song at the top is 'Fools' by Troye Sivan, who I think is one of the cutest male singers ever ahh! 
> 
> Edited by moi, so sorry if there are a few mistakes.
> 
> Thanks for reading ☺️

_________________

 

I see swimming pools  
and living rooms and aeroplanes,  
I see a little house on the hill  
and children's names,  
I see quiet nights poured over ice  
and Tanqueray,  
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake.

Only fools fall for you, only fools.

__________________

 

| May | 

 

When they get back to campus, does anyone notice them arriving together? No, unless you count Gwen, glaring at Arthur, who is unaware, taking Merlin's suitcase out of the boot of his car. She stands by the door to their flats, hair whipping in the evening breeze. 

 

They say goodbye, knowing they can't kiss each other, especially with Gwen's watchful eye on them. 

 

"Thanks for coming Arthur and for putting up with my Mum and Dragon." Arthur laughs at that, saying it was no trouble. 

 

"Hasn't Sophia been missing you while you were away Arthur? Maybe you should go see her? Have some fun." Gwen says, wriggling her eyes, voice dripping with fake sweetness.

 

Just like last time Arthur looks at Merlin (only this time bright red), unsure of why she's acting like this, like Merlin is going to know. Which he does, but he can't tell Arthur that can he?

 

Instead he mouths 'relationship problems, don't take it personally' and hopes Arthur doesn't ask Lance about them. Merlin walks up to her, giving one last wave to Arthur, excepting the hug she offers. "You need to stop glaring at Arthur. He thinks its weird, and I had to tell him you and Lance are having problems so he doesn't have a go at you. Tone a down a bit, for me?" 

 

She whispers back, "I wouldn't care if he knew I hated him. It might shrink the size of his ego a bit." When Merlin rolls her eyes at that, she laughs and instead says,  
"Did you have a good time?". 

 

"Well actually, as you ask, earlier-" he starts grinning before Gwen gasps: and covers her ears, telling Merlin she doesn't want to hear about any of THAT (no thank you) was merely asking if they did anything interesting. Something that she would actually want to know about it.

 

He starts to talk about the shop Dragon owns, when a shout rings from across the campus, their heads turning to see who it was. 

 

Merlin watched Arthur's face drop a little as Sophia ran across the grass, towards him shouting about how much she'd missed him, and insistently asking 'why he hadn't answered any of her calls'. The amount of times she called him babe in the short phrase she had said, made Merlin shudder. 

 

"Do you want to go inside before they start snogging?" 

 

"Please." Merlin answered, and Gwen picked up the other side of Merlin's suitcase as they headed inside, just as Sophia grabbed Arthur; pinning him to the door of his car. 

 

Don't you just love her?

____________________

 

For the rest of the week it seemed, Arthur was busy with Sophia, 'making up for their time away from each other'.

 

"You'd think they'd been away from each other for two years, not two days." Gwen said, the third time they saw them together kissing after their first classes back. 

 

Merlin didn't have anything against Public displays of affection, but wished Sophia and Arthur weren't having them around every corner he came across. It was off  
Off putting to say the least. 

 

The teachers were really drumming it in to the students, that it was their last year, their last chance at nailing the exams that would 'decide their future'. On top of everything Merlin really didn't need to be worrying about Arthur and Sophia, but he couldn't stop the thoughts from taking root in his mind; growing until they were all he could think about.

 

"Do you think she knows something?" Merlin asks. He'd always known Sophia didn't like him, could tell by the way they'd never had a real conversation with each other besides 'hi', but the last couple of months she had been frostier then ever.

 

Always rushing to talk to Arthur before he got the chance when they were all together, and if Merlin did get Arthur's attention she would drag him away for some 'alone time.' 

 

The only time they'd really gotten to talk was when they were alone at Morgana's, and the whole time they were there Merlin ended up feeling bad about the whole sneaking around charade. 

 

"No, trust me you hide it so well. Its only obvious because you've told me so much about the two of you." Gwen reassured him. Or was she mocking him, Merlin couldn't tell? He still couldn't help feeling something was going to go wrong. And he was right to.

 

It wasn't Merlin's fault that the only day they were both free to do something together was a Thursday night. 

 

It definitely wasn't his fault that they only had four hours together before Sophia was expecting Arthur back from his 'council meeting'. It wasn't his fault they had to go to a restaurant that was only an hour away from Brunel, so he could get home on time.

 

Arthur had assured him they wouldn't see anyone from school. Merlin tried to believe him, making sure they got a table near the back. 

 

It was however his fault that he failed to think that someone from Lutterworth could've seen him, and his Mum still being friends with some people living there after all, might've heard about it; not thinking before about who he could have bumped in to (meaning Mordred or Robert.) 

 

It was just unlucky that his Mum called while they were waiting for their food, and Merlin was in the toilet. 

 

Meaning Arthur answered the phone. 

_________________

 

"Who's Robert, Merlin?" Merlin stops, his fork half way to his mouth, looking up at Arthur, a stern line across his forehead. 

 

Arthur had been quiet for a while, after he'd passed the phone to Merlin, his Mum chatting on the other end of the phone but Merlin had just thought he didn't want to disturb their conversation. Pushing his food around his plate Arthur had stayed quiet the whole time, murmuring a goodbye when Merlin put the phone down. 

 

Now over ten minutes later Merlin had realised there was something wrong. Why didn't his Mum check to see who was on the other end of the phone, before she started to babble about God knows what?

 

Merlin had promised himself that if the subject ever came up he would be brutally honest, lay all his cards on the table, and hope Arthur understood. 

 

But now the situation had presented itself Merlin didn't know what to say. His mouth must have opened and closed three times before Arthur rolled his eyes and said, "Shall I spell it out for you Merlin? He was your boyfriend wasn't he, back in Lutterworth?" 

 

"Your Mum didn't ask who she was speaking to when I picked up your phone. She asked if you'd seen Mordred or Robert while you were up there. I asked who Robert was and before she realised who she was talking to she told me he was 'the boy you dated'. And Mordred was the person who beat you up, not your friend, when he found out about the two of you. She didn't exactly tell me that but I joined up the dots. So why did you feed me that bullshit then Merlin? Why did you lie?" Arthur looked, livid, fuming, most of all hurt as he waited for Merlin to answer.

 

"Because... I-" 

 

"Why Merlin!" By now they were drawing an audience, some of the other diners looking over at their table, some in delight, others in disgust. Merlin blushed at the eyes on him, and winced at Arthur's raised voice. 

 

"We were dating in secret okay! No one else knew, Robert didn't want them to, and I was so, god, I was so in love with him, it was flattering he wanted to spend time with me at all. It was humiliating, and I'd like to forget it ever happened. So that's why I didn't tell you." Merlin said exasperatedly, and Arthur's features softened. 

 

"Did you really think you couldn't tell me that? I would've understood. I thought you knew, you can tell me anything." And that, that made Merlin angry. 

 

"Anything? Really? Well how about the fact I also didn't tell you, because we are literally in the same situation as I was with Robert! With you too scared to tell anyone and me too in love with you to finish it!" Later on Merlin would cringe at the fact he'd used the word love, but in the moment the way it made Arthur's face drain of colour was too good an opportunity to miss. 

 

"Wait, what I don't understand-" 

 

"I lied okay I'll put my hands up and admit it, but you Arthur, you lie to people everyday. Your friends, your parents- your own girlfriend for fuck sake, who you don't actually love. Sometimes I don't even think you like her, she's just a convenient cover for you. You're too scared to tell your own parents who you really are, too scared of what its going to do to your families reputation." 

 

"Even after everything with Robert I was still stupid enough to get in to this toxic relationship, knowing it wouldn't last. Hoping that one day you'd grow a pair and come out to everyone because you actually wanted to be with me. Like you are with Sophia or any other girl you were with before her. how many were there Arthur? how many beards have you had, how many girls have you slept with, to cover up your sexuality. You don't deserve to be allowed to get angry at me over this one, little thing; after everything you've done. You know what? I'm out." By now Merlin was on his feet raining insults down on to Arthur, who's face was glued to the table, the coward, Merlin thought. The restaurant was absolutely silent, even the waiters too frightened to tell them to leave.

 

"I'm not going to be the other man anymore: I'm sick of being second best, and I was a fool to think that I was in with a chance, that you might tell everyone about us. So you crawl back to your fake girlfriend and your fake life Arthur. I hope you'll be very happy together." 

 

He picks up his phone and coat, looked around at the restaurants visitors, relishing the shocked faces and shouted "Don't worry everyone: I'm leaving, the shows over, carry on with your meals." 

 

He then turned to the waiter closest to his table, saying "Don't worry he's paying." Before looking at Arthur one last time, making sure he knows how much Merlin disliked him in that second. 

 

The room is still silent as he walks out of the room, towards the door. Keep going, Merlin says, don't give him the satisfaction, as tears begin to brew behind his eyes. 

 

His eyes are so focused on the door, that he sadly doesn't notice a girl from Brunel, out with her parents, phone out recording the whole public argument. Someone who was part of Sophia's group of friends no less. 

 

The smile on her face is one of pure evil as she types out a text to be sent to all 146 contacts on her phone, attaching the video with the words 'Look who just outed Arthur Pendragon?'. 

 

Her fingers hover over the button, as she glances over at Arthur, his eyes holding no emotion as a silently seething waiter excepts the money for the meal. Was she really mean enough to go through with it?

 

"Emma?" One of her parents calls and her finger moves automatically, and the video is sent.

 

Shit, she thinks. 

 

Oh well, he deserves it, she assures herself, as she tucks in to the dessert a waitress has just brought her. 

 

Revenge, a dish best served cold. 

____________________

 

When Merlin finally gets home, the bus ride taking over two hours, fuck the rush hour traffic, he thinks as he opens the door with shaking hands; making the keys rattle in his hands. 

 

Gwen is on the sofa reading, her hair tied in to two plaits, and Merlin can't help smiling at the cocoon of blankets she has wrapped around her. She has Little Mix's 'The End' playing on her phone, softly in the background. Will and Gwaine were out with Leon, thankfully for Merlin, they had told him this morning. He didn't want to think about the questions they would've asked after he arrived back from a date with 'the mystery man' looking like this. 

 

"Hey Merlin, how was-" she cuts herself off as soon as she sees his face, streaks of shed tears marking his cheeks. 

 

"That bad huh?" She asks and opens the blankets so Merlin can crawl in to them too, the blankets already warming him up, taking away the evening chill.

 

"Worse. We had an argument in the middle of a posh restaurant no less, and I broke up with him. You should of heard the things I said to him Gwen. He's been an idiot but he didn't deserve that." 

 

Gwen hugged him, as he told her everything, eyebrows raising at some of the meaner things. She gasped and hit him on the arm when the word 'love' was mentioned. 

 

"I knew it," she said, a little too happy at receiving that information. "I knew you loved him. God Merlin what am I going to do with you." She said, messing up his hair. He batted her hand away, going in to the kitchen to get a drink. She follows him, and tilts her head to the side, like a curious puppy might when they find a problem they have to solve.

 

"Maybe it will be better this way. You breaking up with him will either give him the kick up the backside he needs, or let you move on with your life. Let him do the crawling though, okay?" Gwen said. 

 

Merlin nods, promising he will. "And I am sorry Merlin. I know I didn't seem to support you two that much, but I can see how much you like him. If its meant to be it will." Gwen hugs him one last time before going back to the sofa.

 

He hopes she's right. 

______________________

 

The next morning Merlin wakes up to hushed whispers coming from the kitchen. He blinks, squinting his eyes to see his alarm clock, the numbers '9:46' lighting up his otherwise dark room. 

 

Begrudgingly he gets up, knowing the noise from the kitchen would stop him from getting back to sleep anyway, and gets changed in to a pair of jeans, pulling a jacket over his shirt. As soon as he's put his pair of trainers on however he notices a hoodie hanging over his chair, his heart sinking as he realises its Arthur's. 

 

He considers asking Gwen to give it back to him, or Lance, but decides in the end to man up and give it to back himself. If anything, he thinks, it will show Arthur I was serious about breaking up with him. 

 

With a proud kind of smile on his face he opens his bedroom door, Hoodie in hand, to the sound of the hushed voices stopping completely. 

 

Odd, he thinks as he walks over to the kitchen, and sees Gwen, Will, Gwaine, Lance, Leon and Morgause all huddled around their table. 

 

Gwen has her phone out and is furiously clicking off of something before, looking up as Merlin walks in, her smile more of a grimace. 

 

Merlin can tell their eyes are following him as he walks over to the sink, gulping down a glass of water before he turns quickly. All of their eyes shoot off in to different directions, and Merlin sighs looking at each of them in turn. 

 

"What is it? Has something happened?" For a second Merlin thinks something bad might have happened to Arthur, he quickly shrugs that feeling off though. Even if something had happened, why would he care?

 

"No, er Merlin have you been on your phone today at all?" Gwen asks, an odd question in Merlin's opinion. 

 

Relief seems to flash across some of their faces, and Gwen walks over to him, saying "Good. Merlin, I think there's something you should see-"

 

"Can I look at it when I get back?" Merlin answers, checking his pocket for his keys and phone, before walking backwards towards the door, only narrowly missing the edge of the sofa.

 

Gwen looks like she's about to shout 'no, you need to see it now!' When Lance walks forward, swinging his arm around Gwen's and saying "Yeah sure Merlin. You aren't going to be long though are you, I mean you're not meeting anyone?" Gwen visibly relaxes, smiling at Lance as he squeezes her side, although Merlin doesn't see why she would be so nervous. 

 

This makes Merlin falter an inch from the door. Something in Lance's tone makes him stop, tells him what they want to show him is important.

 

"What do you mean 'meeting someone'? Who would I be meeting?" His eyes catch Gwen's again, her own filled with pity and guilt and- shit. She's told them, he thinks, they all know, and they're all judging me and they hate me and everyones going to find out. He could feel his knees giving way beneath him, and he feels the pain searing through the back of his head before he realises his back has hit the door, breathing quickly; his hands curled protectively round his knees, fingers wringing together. 

 

"Merlin! Merlin calm down okay, she didn't tell us, she didn't have to," and have I really just said all that out loud, Merlin thinks, "and we don't hate you. We wouldn't. Really we should hate Arthur, he's the one who was already dating someone. We've all made mistakes before." 

 

Gwaine says all of this kneeling- sat against the door as well- a peaceful presence beside Merlin, contrasting with the millions of thoughts ricocheting around his mind, as the others watch silently. 

 

"How did you find out then? If Gwen didn't tell you she- she was the only person who knew." He looked up at them all and Morgause hastily walked over to them, sitting down beside Merlin.

 

She pressed the text button on her phone, pulling up a message from some one called 'Emma'. As soon as he saw the caption, he knew what it was, didn't need to see the grainy video of him and Arthur in the restaurant from yesterday, Merlin's voice loud even with the volume turned down. 

 

As soon as it gets to the line about Arthur 'growing a pair' he clicks off of the video, an awkward silence taking hold of the group. No one wants to say the wrong thing (understandably), so they all stand there waiting for Merlin to make the first move.

 

Merlin drops his head in to one of his hands, the other scrunching in to the hoodie he's holding, Arthur's hoodie. He lifts his head up, startling the others, and stares at it for a couple of seconds before standing up.

 

He runs his hands through his bed head hair and explains, "I need to go and see him. I was going to give him this anyway, its his. If you didn't already realise from the video we broke up last night and I don't really want it anymore." 

 

He laughs bitterly before adding, "And it'll give me a chance to apologise. Some of the things I said were true, yeah, but others... I had no right to say them in front of all those people. So yeah. See you all in a bit." 

 

Sniffing he turns to the door, his wrist turning, to twist open the door knob. 

 

"Sophia's there." He turns at the sound of Morgause's voice, Leon nodding and saying, "Yeah she came over at nine, woke us all up, told Arthur about the video. He was so angry Merlin, we left to give them space. Maybe it would be better if you waited till later?.." 

 

Merlin considered this for a second. 

 

His eyes catch Gwen's again, her own seem to be pleading with him, screaming 'don't do it' there conversation about letting Arthur do the talking still fresh in his mind. He sends her one quick thankful smile, however he really wouldn't be able to cope if he stayed there. He needed to know what was going on (really he wanted to see if Arthur was still standing.)

 

Shaking his head he opened the door again. 

 

"No I'll be able to apologise to her as well. I'm going to have to at some point." 

 

Instead of angrily slamming the door behind him like he wanted to, he closes it gently, leaning on it for support when he understands what he's going to do.

 

Come on Merlin, he thinks, you've prepared yourself for this, for this very conversation. Like he had said before, he was going to have to see Sophia eventually.

_____________________

 

Merlin isn't surprised by the amount of looks he gets as he makes the short journey to Arthur's flat. By how many people that video looked like it had been sent to (had it been 150? He wasn't sure) he wasn't surprised that so many people knew about it.

 

What he was surprised about was that a lot of the people staring, girls and boys alike, had a look of awe in their eyes- for him. Merlin couldn't believe that they actually admired him for sleeping with the 'rich, straight, guy'. 

 

Still, he doesn't appreciate the whispering and pointing, anyone who doesn't already know about the relationship, hurriedly told before he's even finished walking past. Merlin's glad he knows about the video, how bad it would've been to go out, and not understand why people were laughing and talking about him behind his back. 

 

It hurts as he rushes past people he's never even spoken to and he can see them grinning, tapping their friends to look over at him, like he's an exhibit. Do they have nothing better to do, Merlin thinks, like I don't know school work? 

 

That reminds him their end of year exams are a mere month away, and really he doesn't have time to be worrying about Arthur Pendragon. The exams are the only things left between him and his future career in film. Since the award he's already been introduced to many TV and film directors who say they would love to work with him. He needs everything to go well.

 

But yet here he is, running over to his flat, preparing himself to say sorry to Sophia and apologise for what he said on that video to Arthur. Really Arthur deserved everything he got, the embarrassment, after all the things he's done. 

 

There are some things though, Merlin thinks, that Arthur should get to tell people himself, and that's what Merlin wants to say sorry for.

 

(A part of him won't admit it, but he also wants to see if he's okay. He can only imagine what Sophia is saying to him; about how she hates him, for making her waste her life on him, someone who didn't even love her; about how mortifying it is that everyone thinks she was a cover, a beard for Arthur.) 

 

He hadn't even wondered if Arthur's parents knew, what they were going to say about the whole thing. Hopefully Arthur could tell them, be it forced, before they saw it for themselves.

 

God, Merlin thought, the first time Mr. and Mrs. Pendragon were going to see them was on a video. Where he admitted to having a secret relationship with their son. He really hoped Arthur could talk to them before they saw it. 

 

It didn't take long for him to reach Arthur's door, the hoodie slipping in his sweaty hands, the pressure building, as the voices inside did.

 

He waited for the shouts to die down, Arthur's voice was prominent even if he couldn't make out what they were saying. Soon after the shouting had began it had stopped, and somebody was storming over to the door. 

 

He stepped back in panic, as the door flew open, and Arthur was shouting "-you should get out!" Before he noticed Merlin, his shoulders slumping a little. 

 

Merlin realised how weird this must look, him just standing in the hallway, like he was listening to what they were saying. 

 

"Sorry I was just coming to apologise, and you guys started shouting and I didn't want to disturb you, so I just- I just-"

 

"I was just leaving." Sophia's posh voice, cut off Merlin's as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and sashayed over to the door. When she got to the door, she flipped her head around to face Merlin.

 

"And just so you know Merlin, I don't hate you. If you had never come along then I wouldn't have ever found out what a two timing sleazy jerk of a boyfriend I had," She glances back at Arthur as she insults him, pausing for a moment like shes letting the words sink in, "So thank you. And Arthur don't ever call or text me again, as I will have no choice but to report you for harassment and have you kicked out of this school faster then you can imagine. I hope you two will be very happy together." 

 

She flashes Merlin the worst fake smile he has ever seen, and side steps past him out in to the hallway. 

 

Which leaves him, standing outside Arthur's flat, not sure whether he should ask to step inside the flat or waltz in, uninvited- no doubt Sophia did that exact thing. 

 

"What do you want Merlin?" Arthur asks coldly, walking back in to the flat. He sinks on to a armchair nearby, and Merlin follows him in until he's stood beside him.

 

"Well I came to give you this back. Its your hoodie you gave it to me a while ago when I was-" 

 

"I know what it is Merlin, I'm not stupid. Why are you really here? Come to gloat about everyone knowing now, that I can't hide it anymore?" Arthur snipes cruelly, and Merlin's face falls.

 

"No Arthur, thats not why-" 

 

"I bet you're pleased about this aren't you? I bet you saw that video and laughed, wanted to congratulate Sophia when you saw her for 'catching me out'. Well just so you know I don't appreciate being forced to tell everyone about my sexuality. I'm still getting round it myself." Arthur cut him off again, and Merlin wasn't here to be abused.

 

"For gods sake Arthur, you've been sleeping around for what? Two years now I'm guessing, and we've been together for nearly seven months now. And you're still not used to it? I wasn't pleased about that video, I was embarrassed, not just for you, but for me too. Most of the school didn't know I was gay but now they do, and they're all talking about it, about how I've slept with the famous Arthur Pendragon! Because its always all about you!" 

 

Merlin starts to pace, in front of the seat Arthur is now staring at him from. "I came round here to say sorry, that I said all of that in front of a room of strangers, that its my fault everyone knows about you, but actually I'm not sorry, not really." 

 

He falters for a second, "As we're being completely honest I admit that someone did know, Gwen, about us-"

 

"What? You told her! What if she had said something to someone, to Lance. I can't believe you thought you had the right-"

 

Merlin scoffed, saying "I didn't have the right? I had no one else to talk to outside of this, you had Morgana. I could've told my Mum, and she would kill you if she knew what I had been through, but I didn't. And Gwen saw us, saw us kissing after that dinner we had a couple of months ago. I couldn't lie to her." 

 

"I was glad she found out. And I'm glad everyone else knows too; even though I understand now that you probably would've never came out if the video hadn't been posted, even if you did fall in love with me." 

 

"Stop using the word love! You don't love me, you just think you do. You only saw me when I was happy, when I wasn't worrying about school-" 

 

"Yeah when you were with me. You were happy when you were with me!"

 

"You know that's not what I meant Merlin-"

 

"No, but its true isn't it? You're only really happy when we're together?" 

 

"None of that matters now Merlin, you made that very clear yesterday. Anyway my parents would never allow it. God my Dad," he said more to himself, then Merlin, "I don't know how he's going to react to all of this." 

 

"It does matter! What if your Dad doesn't mind, if he accepts you for who you really are?" 

 

"He won't Merlin." He runs his hand over his face, and through his hair, his eyes falling on Merlin once again. They look tired, like he's been awake all night worrying about something. Merlin tries not to convince himself that he was worrying about them.

 

"Okay Arthur. I understand, really I do. Because even if your Dad didn't mind, no one did, I don't think you could really love me, or be with me, until you accept yourself. So I think its better that we aren't together." Merlin can feel his eyes filling up, Arthur's face becomes blurry and he starts to back away towards the door.

 

"Maybe when you've done that, we can try again, but until then. I hope your parents are okay with it, or they at least except it. And good luck with- with everything. Goodbye Arthur."

 

Just like that he was opening the door, Arthur letting him go; running down the corridor, three flights of stairs, and half way home before he stops gasping, collapsing on to a near by bench. 

 

He doesn't know why he ran. Arthur was never going to come after him anyway.

____________________

 

| Arthur's pov | 

 

Everything was a mess. 

 

Arthur scrolled aimlessly through the comments on the video (which had now been posted to Facebook, cheers to whoever did that) groaning when he spotted names he recognised. 

 

Most of them were congratulatory messages, some a bit more x rated, which he reported before his family could see them. His finger hovered over the report button as the words 'Ha! Knew that Pendragon was queer all along' from a girl he'd slept with in first year, while heavily influenced, and was offended when Arthur had said he didn't want to see her again. He regretted the way he'd treated her, but no one deserved that, not even him.

 

One click and the comment was gone, and hopefully that girl's account too. Arthur couldn't help feeling a little triumphant, before he had to face his biggest worry- his parents. He wasn't worried about Morgana, only what his parents would say when they found out she'd known the whole time. 

 

She hadn't commented on the video, but he knew she'd seen it; she'd sent Arthur a text, which she never did.

 

If they weren't such dire circumstances he'd have time to be astonished, and pat her on the back for finally learning how to use her £399 phone. 

 

Not that he was jealous or anything, he had more important things to worry about.

 

The text had read 'Saw the video bro, congrats, you really did an ace job with the lighting and script. I didn't know Merlin had such a talent for acting. You actually nearly convinced me that you finally came out, after three and a half years. But don't worry, I'm not that naive.  
Love Morgs x  
p.s I know you're quite dim, so I just wanted to assure you, I am joking. If you need to talk you know where I am.' 

 

Even though it was seeping with sarcasm, and verging on the offensive side, he knew her heart was in the right place. 

 

Sophia had just left, Merlin shortly after and he was glad to be rid of both of them. That's what he told himself anyway. 

 

He was definitely glad to be rid of Sophia. When she'd walked in to his flat, talking about a video she'd been sent by some girl in their year. His friends had left shortly after the shouting had started, said they were going to go to Merlin's flat. he guessed that was how he, and the others found out. 

 

They had had some good times together, but in the last couple of months she had become very clingy, almost like she knew what was going on. 

 

But by the way they'd just been arguing for over an hour by the time Merlin arrived, he guessed she probably didn't. He had tried to say he was sorry, hoped the message had gotten across, although Sophia had done 90% of the screaming, while Arthur was forced to watch. He shouldn't of expected anything less. 

 

Merlin. Merlin was different. He hadn't ranted, or shouted, had merely risen his voice mainly because Arthur had risen his. He couldn't get what he'd said out of his mind, there five minute conversation having more of an effect on him, then the hour long argument he'd had with Sophia before.

 

Merlin was right, as always. He'd stood there, basically said he was sorry when he hadn't done anything except tell Arthur where to go, had told him that he was in love with him for fuck sake. 

 

And Arthur had just sat there told him 'he didn't know what love was'. He'd hit the nail right on the head, when he'd told Arthur he needed to learn to accept himself, that until then Merlin couldn't see a future for them. To be honest Arthur was glad, he needed to tell everyone he loved who he really was, and then think about whether he could really be out and proud, dating Merlin, in front of the whole school.

 

Small steps, Arthur encouraged himself as he shakily chose his Mother's number and waited for her voice to replace the dial tone. 

 

It was cowardly of him to call his parents and tell them, but he reasoned with himself, saying at least if they were upset he wouldn't have to see the obvious disappointment on their faces.

 

"Oh hello Arthur, how are you?" His Mother's voice cooed from the other end of the phone, and Arthur realised he had missed it, not having seen her in what felt like a long time. 

 

"Hi Mum, I'm- I'm good thank you, how are you, how's Dad?" Arthur had decided to get the pleasantries out of the way, didn't want to bombard his Mother with all of this new information straight away.

 

She had already said his Father was busy with clients, so he couldn't come to the phone right now. Arthur made a silent prayer, hoping it would be easier to tell his Mother first, and then tackle telling his Father. 

 

His Mother had just finished telling Arthur about one of her friends, Mrs. Atkins' baby scandal (and there was five minutes Arthur would never get back) when he decided to say it.

 

"Mother, I need to tell you something. Something that you might not particularly like." He heard his Mother sit down, sighing in to the phone. 

 

"I knew thats why you called me. You never call just to have a chat, what is it darling?" She says, and Arthur goes in for the kill.

 

"For a while I've- I've known I was gay. I tried to hide it and hurt a lot of people because I was too scared to tell everyone. There was a video posted last night online, nothing bad, just of me having an argument with this guy I've er- I've been seeing. He kind of accidentally outed me and someone from school saw us and sent it to everyone one she knew. And Sophia's dumped me. And I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me. And Morgana's known for three years." 

 

"Morgana's known for three years?! She knew before us? I can't believe you didn't feel like you could tell me Arthur, I'm so sorry." She says, and Arthur, no this wasn't how it was supposed to work out.

 

"Well she was always kind of there, and I knew she didn't care about that kind of thing- are you really not disappointed? Are you sure Dad won't mind?" Arthur answered, elated, can't believe his Mother isn't putting the phone down. 

 

"Of course not Arthur. I mean your Father will be a bit disappointed that he's not going to get a pure blooded heir- I guess that's going to be down to her now," and Arthur can hear his Mother's smirk (Igraine and Morgana had never seen eye to eye.) His Dad had always been weird about family heirs. It was a long story. "But trust me, your Father isn't as bad as he used to be. I think he'd much rather you were happy." 

 

And Arthur feels ashamed, that he even doubted his Mother for a second, when had she ever let him down?

"I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell us, that you had to wait all this time, and only because a video was posted. You can tell me things, even if you think I might not like them, because I love you. No matter who you're with." His Mother finishes and he loves her, he really does. 

 

They start to say goodbye, his Mother quickly saying good luck for his exams and to 'not let all of this 'coming out' commotion get in the way of his results. He laughs saying goodbye again; before he puts the phone down, leaning against the wall behind him, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

 

Everything was okay.

 

Well maybe not everything but, he'd make sure it was. 

_____________________

 

| Merlin's pov | 

 

"So Arthur was the mystery man? Well fuck me." 

 

"Maybe later babe." Everyone groans at Gwaine's sexual comment, as Leon blushes and hits Gwaine on the shoulder, Morgause out right telling them to 'get a room!' 

 

Merlin's back at the flat, after Will called him convincing him to come home, after he cried down the phone for more time then Merlin would like to admit. 

 

They've been joined by Freya and Percival, sat around Gwen's kitchen who took the impromptu gathering in her stride, plates of half eaten garlic bread, pizza and chips on the table. 'Cruel' by Snakehips plays from Freya's phone, and her and Morgause sing along, loud and off key. 

 

Merlin's drunk more then he'd like to admit, thinks he's told Percival three times now that he wished he'd met him on that day at 'Horizon' and in his words 'fucked your cute lil' arse instead.'

 

"I mean we have so much more in common! You like films too, and we get along whereas me and Arthur... We argue-argued about everything. Like what channel the radio is on, I mean the radio who actually cares-" 

 

Percival laughs, "Alright Merlin, I think you've had enough now yeah. And if you didn't argue with your significant other, you can't really be in love with them." Merlin's eyes shot up at the word and he picked up a crust of his pizza aiming it at his throat.

 

"Don't use that word around me anymore. I do not believe in love, its just something the media says is real so we buy valentine cards and flowers and... Its not real." Merlin slumps in to his chair; Gwaine laughing, (stopped shortly by Leon) and the whole group turn to look at him, know what he's trying to say. 

 

"We all saw on the video you told Arthur you loved him." Lance says, smiling sadly at him.

 

Merlin chuckles, "Did I. I was kind of mid rant at the time, wasn't really thinking about what I was saying-" 

 

"You don't have to explain Merlin, seriously we get it. Just give him a chance. I'm not saying wait forever, I wouldn't expect you to do that, but give him a chance. I've known Arthur a long time, and he's definitely been happier this last year. That's because of you Merlin, because you're here." Lance finishes, and a silence drifts over the group.

 

Merlin's not sure what's going to happen between him and Arthur. Right now, he doesn't care. 

 

The fact his friends are here for him is what matters.

______________________

 

| Arthur's pov |

 

No one, not even Merlin, stops to think of Arthur. Of him sat alone in his flat, staring at the ceiling from his bed, as he thinks about what everyone has been telling him. 

 

He decides to get through these last exams first, they're important for everyone, and then he might try and win Merlin back. 

 

If he'll have him.

______________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? Will Arthur get Merlin back? Will Merlin ever get to be truly happy? Will Gwaine ever stop being an inappropriate dick?  
> (Only two of these will come true.)
> 
> Hope this wasn't too disappointing, I quite like the whole will they-won't they theme in other stories, so I thought I'd use that too. 
> 
> The next chapter will be the last chapter *sob* but don't worry something is going to happen at the end of it, that the whole epilogue is going to be based around. Its probably really obvious what its going to be now, but what can I say? When I get excited about something I have to tell people.
> 
> Anyway also quickly thank you to WanderingPrincess, Dutch_Girl_Jessie and Msnotagenius for your lovely comments, I really appreciate your support! This is why he didn't tell Arthur the truth WanderingPrincess!


	5. Arthur Pendragon? Apologise? Surely not.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final exams are over. Can the same be said for Merlin and Arthur?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I've been trying to get it right for you guys! Just a few things I need to say first. 
> 
> I have no idea how university ceremonies work, I will admit. I did a bit of research and it said they didn't get their degrees on the day, and not much else, so I just went from there. So sorry if anyone reading this, has been to University and knows that it's all wrong. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos as well, I keep forgetting to mention them!
> 
> Also the song at the top is 'Million Words' by the lovely Vamps, which is on my Spotify playlist 'Hook, Line and Sinker⚓'.
> 
> I also hope this isn't disappointing, I tried really hard to make it realistic. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

_________________

 

Now I'm half a world away from you  
But you're always on my mind,  
There's a million words that I could've said  
And you might still be mine,  
And if there's someone where I used to be  
I hope he tells you every day.

With the million words that I should've said  
I wish I could tell you, always.

_________________

| June | 

 

Life carries on as normal. Or as normal as it could be.

 

Merlin finds himself trying to revise as much as possible, going over everything that he's written down from Gaius' classes, until he can repeat them, by heart. 

 

He even manages to convince Gwaine to do some last minute revision, saying its the 'real' thing now and that he'll thank him later. He feels like a proud Mum, watching Gwaine copying notes from a battered library book, ignoring the scowl on his face.

 

He also rings his Mum, and when she brings up Arthur, he decides there's no point in beating around the bush, tells her straight. 

 

"WHAT!?" She yells back, when he says there not together right now, and Merlin has to give her all the details, feels like he should defend Arthur, even after all of the things he put him through. 

 

"I really thought he was better then that. He had seemed so genuine, god so honest!" Hunith says tutting. 

 

"He is. Mum, I'm just giving him some space. If he hasn't decided in the next couple of months I'll move on." His Mum starts ranting about how he should move on now, that there are plenty more fish in the sea, dozens of 'Arthurs' that would be happy to- 

 

"Yes okay Mum! I was in his shoes a couple of years ago remember? Worried about what you and- and Dad would say. I need to give him a chance to get used to being out before he gets in to a relationship." 

 

"Even though he's been with you for the last nine months?" His Mum quips.

 

"Mum." 

 

"Yes alright, alright," His Mum answers, not sounding completely convinced, "it's surprising really."

 

"Why do you say that?" Merlin asks.

 

"He'd just seemed so... Well gay. I'm surprised no one guessed sooner." His Mum explains, totally serious, and Merlin can't help laughing, the reaction bursting out of him. 

 

He really does love his Mum. 

 

Through all of this he still finds his ears and eyes perking up when he hears Arthur's name, when he goes over the notes about 'Taxi.' Why did he have to choose that film, out of all of them, as his film of choice? A quarter of his grade was relying on that movie, and when he wrote about it all he could think of was his first night with Arthur. 

 

How confident he'd been, how Merlin hadn't had a clue who he was but already knew he wanted him. Had he already fallen for him; even back then, when Arthur kissed him so hard he saw stars? Merlin couldn't possibly say. 

 

Nine months, ten months, how ever long he'd known Arthur, the only thing he was sure about was that at some point he'd fallen in love with him. 

 

And the longer they were apart, avoiding each other (to the length of Merlin walking to one of his last classes before the exams the long way, earning himself a late mark) the more frustrated Merlin became. 

 

He hated the fact Arthur hadn't tried, after twelve days (not that Merlin was counting), to get in touch. He'd told himself, and his friends; that he didn't want, didn't need Arthur. Not until the exams anyway, when he had more space in his head, to focus on their relationship. He really felt they could save it.

 

Sadly, he couldn't make the first move. 

 

That was down to Arthur.

________________

 

"Cheers, Big ears!" Bellowed Gwaine, beer sloshing out of his glass, as they all clinked their glasses together, 'here here's' and 'whoops!' coming from around the table, laughter following closely behind.

 

The last exam had been today, the journalism students having to wait the longest. Merlin had already had his film exam two days earlier, had been a bag of nerves as he got through the first two surprise questions, before he came to the premeditated questions, which were a lot less stressful. 

 

Still, coming out of the exam hall was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time; Merlin wishing he'd had more time, but not knowing what he would have actually written.

They had all agreed to not tell each other what they wrote, knowing it would make them question themselves. Something they didn't want to be doing in the lead up to finding out their results. 

 

They'd decided to wait for everyone, didn't want to leave anyone out of the festivities, when the final exam was over they ran to a local Pub all their exams finally over.

 

"For the rest of our lives we don't have to take any more exams. Ever! How great is that, isn't that great Leon?" Gwaine asks excitedly, his boyfriend nodding, his smile speaking a thousand words.

 

Merlin's tried not be jealous of them, of how easy their relationship seems. He has seen them arguing a few times (mostly about Gwaine flirting with other boys and girls. Merlin thinks he mostly does it to get a rise out of Leon.) but mostly for them its been plain sailing. 

 

Why, Merlin thinks, can't I fall for the guys that just want normal, boring relationships? His inner self gives him the answer- because that would be too easy. 

 

"You alright mate?" He turns to see Will smiling at him, knows better then to answer with a simple 'yeah, of course'. 

 

"Not bad. I just can't stop thinking about him. Wasn't his last exam today too?" Merlin says, remembering how much Arthur went on about his journalism teacher. He couldn't help but smile, remembering at the small panics he would go in to when trying to complete a piece of homework before the deadline. 

 

"Yeah, it was. I saw Morgana earlier-" Merlin turned to him. 

 

"You saw Morgana? Were you with Arthur already?" 

 

Will scoffed saying, "No, I bumped in to her, asked her how Arthur was doing. She said he texted her earlier, saying it went well. I only asked in case you wanted to know, I knew you wouldn't have been brave enough to ask him. Or even speak to him for that matter."

 

Merlin didn't believe the 'bumped in to' excuse, but that was quickly forgotten. "I would be! Maybe not not very coherently but I would ask him. Its just I've kind of been avoiding him." 

 

Will sighs, "I know." 

 

"We all know." Morgause, adds butting in to the conversation. The rest of the table nods, and Merlin realises they've been listening the whole time. Damn his loud voice, and nosy friends. 

 

"We've kind of been, I wouldn't say avoiding him, but not seeing him as much as we did before." Gwen says sheepishly. 

 

"What?! Guys come on, he's your friend, why would you give up all the years you've known him for me?" Merlin asks, secretly flattered. 

 

"Well he is in the wrong, and you need the support." Gwaine argues. 

 

"And look at it this way," Leon says, grinning, "it's an incentive to get back with you. He gets his true love and his friends back in one go, we're like a package deal." 

 

While the others laugh at what he's just said, Merlin's cheeks darken at the words 'true love'. Is that really what they all think? He's admitted to Arthur he loves him, but no one else yet. 

 

Is he that transparent? 

 

As if to answer his question, Gwaine starts singing 'True Love' by P!nk pointing over at Merlin singing the 'no one seems to break my heart like you' line, before turing to Leon. With the biggest shit eating grin on his face, he pulls him in to a sloppy snog, that has the whole table, turing away, begging them to stop.

______________

 

| Arthur's pov |

 

The dinner was tense. 

 

Arthur's food is barely touched, as his Mother and Father chat about how work has been for the last week. 

 

He knows his Mother has told his Father, but his reaction to it is yet to come. 

 

His Father had arrived late, out of another meeting. Uther's tie haphazardly pulled out of shape because of the close climate, his hands pulling it off completely when he sat down. There had been an awkward silence, Igraine glancing at both of them in turn, before beginning pleasantries; asking Uther how his day had been.

 

They were in there large conservatory, at the back of their house in Buckinghamshire, Arthur having dropped all of his other commitments today to come. After the tense phone call with his Father, he could hardly say no. He'd done his last exam anyway, a week before, so its nothing important. He'd put on his best clothes, and gotten in to his car, preparing to make the journey on his own. 

 

It felt strange travelling on his own, not having to tell Sophia, or even Merlin where he was going. On one hand it felt empowering, that he didn't have to put up with Sophia's complaining, which he normally did when he had to leave her for a family dinner. He'd brought her to couple in the early months of their relationship, but they hadn't gone very well, so Sophia had tended to make other plans, as a way to get out of them.

 

On the other hand it was crippling, knowing he was alone. He didn't even have to tell his friends, as they had been avoiding him unless it was absolutely necessary for them to speak. He didn't blame them, but still it hurt. He really had to sort everything out with Merlin.

 

Arthur had decided to listen, let his thoughts run away with him, politely waiting for the real reason they were all here to come up.

 

"Father-" 

 

"Now Arthur." His Dad says at the exact same time, putting down his knife and fork. Arthur nodded for him to speak first, as he looked down at the light blue table cloth, preparing for the worst. 

 

"Now Arthur," Urther began again, a stern expression taking over his face.

 

"Your Mother has told me about the conversation you had over the phone a couple of days ago. I must admit that when I first heard about your little discovery I was not best pleased, but after having a couple of days to reflect on it, I've come to accept it. As long as you're," he glanced over at Igraine, and she nodded, her eyebrows raised, "...happy. As long as this boy you're with makes you happy, I don't think it should be too much hassle." 

 

Arthur is stunned for a second, so much so he can't speak. He didn't expect that, he expected shouting and disappointed eyes and maybe even a disowning. 

 

But no his Dad is looking at him, a forced smile yes, but more annoyance in his eyes them disappointment. Arthur looks over at his Mother, his brilliant, miracle working mother; who gives a little thumbs up for encouragement. He can't be sure whether his Dad is holding back, only because his Mother is in the room, would scream at him if Urther said anything. 

 

His Father has always been a little afraid of his Mother, comes across as the boss at work and when the whole family is out, but its his Mother that wears the trousers in their relationship. And god is Arthur happy about that right now. 

 

He realises the silence has been dragged out for a little too long, after Urther coughs awkwardly. 

 

"Thank you Father. For... Accepting it, for accepting me. I won't let you down." 

 

Uther, raises an eyebrow. "That's alright Arthur, I know you won't. Intentionally." He nods, before picking up his knife and fork, continuing with his meal. 

 

Igraine follows, asking Arthur how he thinks his exam went, and how all his friends are doing.

 

Arthur wonders for a second whether they've seen the video, not that his parents have ever been very computer savvy, but maybe one of their friends saw it? But surely his Father would've brought it up, started the conversation on 'being careful what you discuss in public'. 

 

It had been deleted now, Arthur's reporting finally coming through. 

 

Not that it mattered, enough people had seen it now, that anyone who missed it just had to ask someone for a full description of what they were wearing; where they were; what they had to eat. 

 

Around school Arthur could feel people looking at him, was used to it (the girls at least) no one being able to believe he had been gay all this time. 

 

Not all of this time, Arthur thought, not first year anyway. 

 

It was just gossip though, and with the degree ceremony coming up in just a matter of weeks, Arthur would be off of the school campus in a couple of months and would never have to see any of them again. 

 

Only some people would he be unhappy about leaving, and they all knew who they were.

 

Satisfied with that thought he tucked in too, his appetite back, telling his Mother about the questions he had gotten. 

 

When they had finally finished, they picked up all of their plates and cutlery, before carrying them in to the kitchen, putting them next to the sink. 

 

Arthur offered to wash up, Igraine saying she would help, Uther excusing himself saying he needed to write a few emails. 

 

With his sleeves rolled up, he started scrubbing, passing his Mother each washed kitchen utensil to dry it.

 

"How did you convince Dad my sexuality was a good thing?" Arthur asks, and his Mother stares at him before bursting in to fits of laughter. 

 

"Arthur! How can you say such a thing? He didn't- doesn't mind it that much." She answers, stacking plates in to one of the cupboards. 

 

"Mother I'm not stupid, you said something to convince him." 

 

"Okay. Well I kind of, might have said it would make him look more... Accepting? If people knew he had a gay son, who he loved. I thought it would be good for the business." 

 

Arthur rolled his eyes, "So basically I'm a way of making more money?" 

 

"Hey, no I didn't say that, I had to tell him something. I also said he would regret ruining your relationship if he said he hated you. He loves you Arthur and I know he doesn't show it a lot, but he does. He wants you to be content." 

 

"I love him too. And you Mother, a lot." 

 

"I know darling." She says, the warmth clear in her eyes. 

 

Arthur smiled, giving her a one sided hug, as Urther walked back in. 

 

Just then the front door closed, Morgana walking over, her brown waves pulled back in a tight bun, to deflect the heat. Her summer dress swished as she walked around the table hugging everyone, even Igraine. She is in a good mood, Arthur thought. 

 

"Sorry I skipped dinner, I only got in from a flight back from Egypt last night, I was catching up on some sleep. What did I miss?" She asked, beaming.

 

Urther began to explain, that they were talking about Arthur's orientation, Arthur's face darkening as he robotically continues. 

 

Morgana just laughs saying, "I've known about that for ages. Anything else that's actually new?" She says again, eyes only partly widening when she realises what she's said. 

 

Uther turns to Arthur, his face already darker then his own.

 

"WHAT?!"

__________________

 

Arthur can't help breathing a sigh of relief as he sits down in his car, Morgana giving him a cheery wave as she backs out of the drive way. 

 

She has nothing to be cheery about really, and neither does Arthur. After a thirty minute lecture, mostly aimed at Morgana for not telling their Father what was going on in Arthur's life, Igraine finally helped them escape; telling Urther it was getting late  
that they both had long journeys to make. 

 

Arthur sighs, resting his head on the wheel, hoping his Father isn't too offended that he told Morgana before him. 

 

He got over the gay thing, his inner self tells him, surely he can get over this. 

 

With this Arthur starts to drive back home, 'Cry Baby' by Fickle Friends playing loudly on the radio, ignoring the glares from other drivers. He gets stuck in the seven o'clock rush hour, cursing his sister in his head, who's probably already at home. 

 

When he does eventually get out of the traffic jam, he steps on the gas, getting tired of the silence, having turned off the music. 

 

He parks his car quickly, locking the doors behind him, as he walks up to his flat, wondering if any of his friends would listen to him if he just started speaking.

 

Opening the door, it looks like everyone is out, apart from Lance who is sat at the kitchen table, his face screaming worry. 

 

He approaches him carefully, Lance not taking his face off of the kitchen table.

 

"Lance?" He questions carefully, the boys head shooting up, looking surprisingly happy to see him.

 

"Arthur! The others have gone out, and I said I felt a bit ill so I didn't have to go." 

 

Arthur looked him up and down. "You look fine to me."

 

"You don't say? I lied so I didn't have to go." He pauses, wincing at his own words. "Sorry I don't mean to snap its just i wanted to wait for you so we could talk about something. I know we haven't really been talking but-"

 

"Lance, Lance calm down. What is it that's so important?" Arthur said, resting a hand on Lance's shoulder, anchoring him down. He can't help presuming the worst- could it be so something to do with Merlin?

 

Lance took a deep breath. "Well we've known each other for a long time right? Probably the longest out of everyone one. And like I started to say I know Its been awkward between us, between all of us since what happened with the video. But I still want to get your opinion on this. This thing. Its a big deal." Lance said, eyes wide waiting for Arthur's reply. 

 

"That's fine Lance I understand. What is it you want advice on?" 

 

Lance sighed again, he was obviously building himself up to say something, something big. Lance's hand strayed towards the magazine pile. Arthur had always presumed those were Freya's most of them gossip or fashion magazines. He would see her flicking through them each week, turing down the corners of some pages. 

 

"Well there's this thing I need help with. I've got a question I want to ask someone..." 

____________________

 

One week later.

 

| Merlin's pov | 

 

"Merlin!" Suddenly he was being pulled in to his Mother's arms, who until two seconds ago, Merlin had had no idea was in the flat. 

 

Gwen cooed from beside them, whilst Merlin tried to peel his Mother's arms off of him. He loved his Mum but it was way to early in the morning for this. 

 

She had called the week before to say the hospital and her psychiatrist had given her the all clear to go home. He had offered to come and help her, was so relieved she was better, but she had insisted he stay at Brunel; concentrate on his exams. 

 

Abigail had helped his Mum move back in, and god was he grateful that she was there to keep an eye on her when he wasn't home. He didn't think his Mum couldn't look after herself, but the illness had effected her so badly before, and he didn't want her to get to the point where she needed professional help again. Merlin hadn't been able to help her before, and he would never admit it, but it had killed him inside not knowing what to do.

 

"Don't worry Merlin, I can recognise the signs now. And I've got my weekly appointments with the hospitals psychiatrist, so you've nothing to worry about." 

 

He had tried to convince her not to come down for the certificate ceremony, and obviously she had insisted saying she wouldn't miss it for the world. 

 

He just hadn't expected her this early. The ceremony wasn't due to start for another six hours.

 

They had all been told their results a couple of days before. Merlin was surprised by how quickly the University had been able to tell them, but Gwen had said it was because it was their real exams, so they were 'top priority.' (Not that he was complaining.)

 

Then there had been the strenuous task of ordering there gowns online, which felt like it took a lot longer then it did, with Gwaine messing around. He also thought it would be funny to switch everyone's gowns around when they arrived two days later, and watch them panic, thinking there wouldn't be enough time to order new ones.

 

"It's great to see you Mum, but you do realise the ceremony doesn't start until three. When did you leave to get here this early?" He asks.

 

"About six. I was just so excited! Getting to see you go up and get your degree, and all of your friends too. Now I mention it, I've just been chatting to Gwen." The happiness in his mum's eyes disappearing, replaced with concern. 

 

"She told me about Arthur, and everything that happened. Why didn't you say anything?" Merlin looks over at Gwen, who had been slowly backing out of the kitchen as they spoke, and at least she has the decency to look guilty. 

 

'Sorry I presumed she knew.' She mouths before turning around and nearly running out of the kitchen. Merlin groans.

 

"I was going to tell you Mum. It was just you were... ill and I didn't want to ruin any progress you'd made. It really wasn't as big a thing as Gwen has probably mad it out to be. We only dated for about eight months." 

 

"That's no excuse Merlin. Don't you think I would've noticed that you weren't talking to each other? He should be ashamed of hurting you. And I was so sure he wouldn't hurt you like- like Robert did." His Mother argued, voice wavering a little at that name. 

 

"I know Mum. But he was just scared of what people would think of him, his Father especially. He's shown me more kindness in one week whilst we were together then Robert did the entire time I was with him. That's got to count for something."

 

His Mother pondered this for a while. She could remember when Merlin first told him, hands shaking behind his back, and all she had wanted to do was cry. Not because of what he'd said but the fact he'd hidden it from her for so long. 

 

"I was in his shoes once Mum. And I really do believe he has feelings for me. I wasn't just some strange experiment, or he wouldn't of risked everything for us." 

 

"You sound pretty fond of him still after everything." 

 

"I knew what I was getting in to when we first started seeing each other. How does that saying go, it takes two to..." 

 

"Tango." His Mum finished, smiling in spite of herself. 

 

"Exactly. Everyone finding out isn't going to make me forget how I feel about him. Hopefully some day soon he'll want to be with me for real."

 

His Mum sighed, but there was nothing she could do. She had seen the way Arthur looked at Merlin, when he wasn't paying attention, and she knew somehow he would worm his way back in to his heart. A part of her was surprised by the fact she didn't mind that. 

 

"Well just so you know, its going to take me a while to forgive him for what he did to you. And don't rush in to anything like before. Date, like normal people!" She shouted and Merlin laughed, nodding as well.

 

"Don't worry Mum," he said with a glint in his eye, "We will." 

 

Gwaine, in boxers and a tank top, chose that exact moment to leave his room. Arms stretched, and yawning he didn't notice Hunith until he'd already stepped in to the kitchen. His face lit up and he rushed over pulling her in to a hug. 

Hunith, taking the surprise hug in her stride, pulls away laughing, greeting Gwaine like an old friend. 

 

"Mrs E! You made it. You're staying for the ceremony right? You've got to meet my family they're gonna love you!" 

 

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it. Do your family like scones because I baked about 30 yesterday and brought them all with me? I was just so excited I needed to have something to do!" 

 

Merlin, feeling like a spare part, goes to take a shower. The last thing he hears is Gwaine excitedly telling Hunith about how amazing Leon is. Yep, he thinks, Its going to be a long day.

________________

 

Four hours later and the flat is buzzing with proud parents, Merlin shaking all of their hands politely. He hopes he's not expected to remember all of their names. 

 

They're all wearing their graduation gowns, Merlin's a tad too small for him, which Gwaine will not let him forget. 

 

"Should you really be touching other guys, when you already have your own boyfriend, who by the way is looking over here like he wants to kill me?" Merlin says the third time Gwaine's hand lowers just a little too far on his back.

 

And its true Leon is standing with his parents, his Mum obviously talking about something he is supposed to be listening to, but his eyes keep on sliding over to Gwaine, switching between him and Merlin. 

 

Merlin doesn't really want to be the guy Gwaine uses to make Leon jealous.

 

"Leon knows I want him and only him, but I've found that jealousy makes the-" 

 

"No, no I'd really prefer not to know about your sex life." Merlin stammers, and Gwaine laughs, as he walks away.

 

"We all know I could never compete with Arthur anyway." Gwaine says, under his breath, but Merlin is pretty sure he's supposed to hear it.

 

His Mum is still there, taking twice as many pictures as Gwen is. Everyone loved her Scones, which filled Merlin with more pride then he thinks was necessary. It made him so happy to see his Mum talking to other people, and just acting like, well, herself. 

 

They'd been through so much these last two years, and it was a relief to know they'd both made it out the other side, mostly unscathed. 

 

Gwen insists on spending half an hour taking pictures, before they can even make there way to the main hall. By the end of it Merlin's mouth is hurting from smiling so much.

 

He can't help feeling its a shame Arthur isn't there, that Lance and everyone are going to miss out on taking pictures with him; after they've spent the last four years of their lives with him everyday- because of him.

 

He brings it up with Will and he grins, whispering "Don't worry we were planning on taking pictures with him later on, when you weren't around. You know kind of like a divorced couples child. Only seeing the other parent on weekends." 

 

When Will sees Merlin's face he laughs, slapping him on the back, reassuring him that he's joking. Merlin can't help but feel like he's trying to tell him something. 

 

When Gwen is finally happy with all of her photos, the group picture taking seven tries before Gwen decides it is 'Facebook worthy', they make their way over to the main hall. 

 

With there being about thirty of them it takes them a while to find seats for everyone. Gwen insists they all sit together so they know where to look for (you guessed it) more pictures. But eventually, after Gwaine's Mum has a polite conversation with a family; offering them seats nearer the front, they manage it. 

 

Two women a couple of rows behind Merlin, to the left are whispering a little too loudly, and Merlin zones in to their conversation. His heart sinks when he realises what they're talking about. 

 

"Isn't that the one? With black hair, sitting over there." 

 

"Yes, oh gosh yes I think it is-"

 

"I wonder if they're still together?" 

 

"Oh I doubt it, you know how Urther is about these kind of things. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if the Pendragon's didn't show up at all."

 

They laugh, snootily and Merlin sinks lower in to his seat. 

 

"I wonder if-" 

 

"No one actually cares what your wondering about, so just zip it. Its none of your business." The women look outraged, but no one tells Freya off- not even her own parents- and Merlin smiles at her mouthing a 'thank you'.

 

She smiles back, squeezing his hand momentarily, before turing back to Morgause, who is going through her theories of which student had been chosen to give the speech this year. 

 

Never did he think that timid Freya would stand up for him eight months ago. But I guess a lot can change in nearly a years time.

 

There is a quiet hum of chatter going around the hall, when Merlin's eyes drift over to the door watching more students walk in with their parents. They all wear the same proud, curious expressions, watching their children become adults, go out in to the world. Merlin's glad to be able to say his Mum is one of them. 

 

He thinks about his Father for a second, can't help but wish he was here to see this as well. He was the person that got him interested in films in the first place, telling him about directors like Stanley Kubrick and Woody Allen, film makers that made movies people are still watching and loving today. 

 

He just hopes he's looking down on him. I hope he's proud of me, he thinks. 

 

Suddenly a pair of intense blue eyes are looking over at him, and he realises he's staring at Arthur, unintentionally, as he's just walked in to the hall. 

 

He registers his parents, Uther and Igraine behind him, not giving him a second glance, while Morgana smirks over at him, raising her eyebrows. 

 

For some reason Merlin translates this as 'are you coming over or what.' Before he can persuade himself not to, he's walking over everyone else too busy talking to notice and he can sense Arthur preparing himself.

 

For what Merlin doesn't know. He's not going to be the one to declare his love for Arthur. Most of the people in this room already know. He just hopes that Arthur may be the one to say it now.

 

Morgana links her arms through one of both of her parents own, and steers them away telling Arthur they're going to find seats. His face relaxes and he shyly turns to Merlin, who's not sure whether he should speak first. 

 

They stand in silence for a while, Arthur fiddling with his pockets, nervously. 

 

"I told my parents." Arthur says, quietly, looking at Merlin, out of the corner of his eye. 

 

"Really?" Merlin says, glancing over at the Pendragons. Urther is glaring over at them, more in a dominant way then anything else, his eyes fixed on Merlin. He gulps giving him a tentative nod, which Urther surprisingly returns. 

 

At this Urther turns around, his wife making pleasantries with a couple in front of them, and Merlin decides to take that nod as a concession. 

 

Uther may not be happy about Arthur's preferences but even Merlin knows he's rather see his son happy above everything. 

 

"Yeah, my Mother was amazing with it, surprisingly. My Father took a bit longer to get round. But I think he'll...he'll learn to except it." And that's all Merlin wanted to hear, knowing this doesn't mean they're going to get back together straight away, but that's all Arthur was afraid of. That Urther wouldn't be able to except it.

 

"A couple of days ago, they asked me to do that speech, you know the one the student does every year. But I still have no idea what to say." He answers, grimacing slightly. 

 

Merlin can't say he isn't surprised. Arthur, star student, council member, all around nice guy. After him coming out there was even more reason for him to make the speech, show everyone it wasn't wrong to be who you really are. 

 

"What are you gonna do?" 

 

"I don't know. I was hoping you might tell me." Arthur says, and Merlin looks at him.

 

"You can't pin the most important speech any child at this school is ever going to make on me." Merlin says, smiling at Arthur's eyes widening. He laughs to show he's joking and Arthur rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. 

 

Merlin's missed that smile. 

 

"Way to make me even more scared then I already am," Arthur mumbles, sighing "You know I am sorry right? For everything." Arthur whispers, and Merlin nods.

 

Most people are already sat down, Arthur, Merlin and only a few others are still standing, the head mistress, shuffling a few papers on the podium at the front of the stage. Looks like the ceremony is about to start.

 

"I know Arthur. But like my Mum says it takes two to tango, and I knew what I was doing. And I do forgive you." Arthur's smile widens immensely. 

 

Merlin leans over towards Arthur, whispering, "Just say what you've been too scared to say for the last four years." And Arthur, after processing the words, nods and looks over at his family.

 

"I'd much rather stand here and talk to you Merlin, but my Mother looks like she might kill me if I don't go and sit down now. See you later yeah?" Arthur asks, and there's so much hope in his eyes that he Merlin bring himself to say anything but yes.

 

They go there separate ways, Merlin towards his massive group of family and friends; whereas Arthur goes back to his stony looking parents and still smirking sister, as their head mistress asks everyone to quiet down.

 

Merlin ignores the looks his friends give him, his Mum's beating them all anyway, and sits back down next to Freya and Gwaine. 

 

"Does that mean we're allowed to talk to him now?" Gwaine whispers, ignoring Leon's look of disappointment. He'd obviously been wondering the same thing though, Merlin thinks.

 

He smiles and leans over to Gwaine. "I never said you guys couldn't. You just decided not to as a weird gesture of loyalty." He says, snaps really, and even Gwaine knows when he needs to shut up.

 

With that, the ceremony begins.

 

Merlin's a bit upset to find that they're going to be sent their degrees instead of receiving them on stage, although Gwen is fuming. But as their head mistress puts it 'if we handed all of the certificates they'd be here for four hours.' So its probably best.

 

Instead they have to sit and watch all of the governors talk about the achievements of the students this year (instead of actual students for some reason) which is probably why it feels like the longest hour of his life. 

 

The only good part is Gaius' speech, where he not only talks about the grades the students have achieved, but also about how much he enjoyed teaching them all. And how he would miss them. Merlin would miss him too, even though he'd only known him for a year. 

 

"And now," Gaius announces, after everyone has finished applauding, "Our student speaker, Arthur Pendragon." 

 

Everyone turns to watch as Arthur stands and walks over to the stairs, creaking as he walks up them towards the podium. Gaius shakes his hand, offering him a kind smile as he turns to face the audience. 

 

He seems to stop for a second his eyes skimming over the audience, as if he's looking for someone. Merlin presumes its his parents until Arthur's eyes sweep past them and land on...on him. 

 

Merlin gives him a small smile, and Arthur grins looking down at his notes. Putting them face down on the podium in front of him. Merlin notices Urther's eyes widening, can tell he doesn't support that decision, but can't do much about it. 

 

"I know I'm supposed to talk about Brunel, and what I've done over the years and its not that I haven't enjoyed my time here- I really have. But when Gaius first asked me to make a speech, I kind of thought, why me? I mean yeah I think I did pretty well on my exams, and I'm part of a few clubs, but what's so special about me; why would all of you want to hear me talk? Then I remembered a video that was taken a couple of weeks ago, and it actually made a lot of sense." 

 

He laughs a little but the audience remain quite. Merlin couldn't believer he was actually addressing what happened, had presumed he would ignore the elephant in the room.

 

"I know a lot of people have been talking about it, making a bigger thing out of it then it actually is, but its not like I'm the only guy in our year who's come out. Just because I'm not the stereotypical man who's going to finish university, get a job, find a wife and have kids, doesn't mean its going to effect who I am or what I stand for." 

 

"I'm not going to apologise for finally telling everyone who I am, and finding out that everyone I care about excepts it. I'm sorry for how I dealt with it, how horrible I was to some people," His eyes flick away from Merlin at that point to meet Sophia's eyes. She startles a little, and doesn't look back up until he's looked away. 

 

"But I'm not going to apologise for falling in love with someone that I can imagine being with for the rest of my life. And any other students who are too scared to tell everyone something; from your sexuality, to what they want to be when they're older- just do it. You'll feel a lot more free and happy if you do." 

 

"I'm not saying everyone is going to accept what you tell them, you might even lose people completely because they can't bring themselves to agree with what they've been told. But that's okay, because overall you're probably better off with out them. Its way more important to lose a couple of friends, then live in misery. I just wish I'd realised sooner. Thanks for listening." 

 

He walks back from the podium, the hall still creepily silent. 

 

Then, as if on a timer, a boy stands up and starts clapping. His friends around him stand and clap too, and more and more people stand before the whole place is on there feet, cheering for Arthur. 

 

He finds Merlin's eyes, who was one of the first people to stand as well, and laughs in disbelief. All Merlin can do is smile, Gwaine wolf whistling in his ear. He can't hear much of the clapping, the ringing in his ears blocking it out. 'I'm not going to apologise for falling in love with someone that I can imagine being with for the rest of my life.' For the rest of his life? 

 

Had Arthur really just said that?

 

Only Arthur could make a speech about coming out and get a standing ovation. Only Arthur could make Merlin feel this amazed and scared at the same time. 

 

The rest of his life was a long time.

_________________

 

Although it took a while, their headmistress gradually silenced the uproar, a slight whir of conversation still moving around the hall.

 

Merlin hadn't really been able to think about anything else but 'the rest of his life.' For the last ten minutes, barely registering Arthur's eyes on him the entire time he was walking back to his chair, he'd been wondering if he could feel the same thing. As well as the fact he had just said that in front of everyone. 

 

People would know who he was talking about, most of the children in the hall having seen the video, and he still said that. He wanted to tell everyone that he loved Merlin. This is not how Merlin had thought the day would turn out.

 

After a few last words from the Head mistress, the students were herded outside for a group photo. They stood on the field right outside the hall- Merlin was pushed to the front, being the short person he was and smiled at the dozens of cameras flashing in front of them, in a daze.

 

He walks back over to the rest of the group, Will and Gwaine smirking at each other, looking at him, and his eyes narrow. 

 

"What?" He asks, suddenly suspicious.

 

They walk over to him, Will turning him around and directing his head towards something, while Gwaine throws his arm over his shoulder.

 

His eyes fall on Arthur, standing next to parents as dozens of students rush over to him to congratulate him on his speech. Urther doesn't look too happy about it, but Igraine and Morgana don't look at all fazed, the latter twirling her hair at- at them?

 

Why's she doing that, Merlin thought. 

 

"Arthur's been staring at you ever since he dropped that horribly cheesy 'for the rest of your life' line. So go talk to him, before we do it for you." Will says, Both him Gwaine pushing him in the right direction.

 

As he walks towards Arthur, he can hear Gwaine fake crying behind him. He looks back to see him saying, "they grow up so fast." Crying on Will's shoulder. Will and the others laugh, Gwen nodding over at Merlin to go for it. His Mum is also keeping a watchful eye on him, but hopefully they can both except this. 

 

This is what Merlin wants. 

 

Before he can finish walking over to Arthur, a shadow appears in front of him. He looks up to find himself face to face with Uther Pendragon. He smiles awkwardly, trying to ignore Arthur's reaction from a few feet away.

 

"You must be Merlin. You didn't put Arthur up to that speech did you." Urther asks, eyebrows creased together.

 

Merlin shook his head, determinedly. "No Sir, I honestly had no idea. But I think it was good. A good speech. It showed everyone he wasn't going to let people judging him, stop him. It might've even convinced other people to do the same. You should be proud of him Sir." 

 

Uther looks at him for a second, and Merlin wonders whether he should brace himself for a punch. Urther looks back at Arthur, before holding his hand out to Merlin's. He shakes it vigorously, Merlin wincing a little from the pain.

 

"I guess I should. It's nice to finally meet you, as I guess your the boy that- well your the one he wants to be with. I'll let you go back to what you were doing now." Urther says with a tight smile, before walking around him towards another couple. 

 

Igraine walks up to him now. Arthur looks a lot more relaxed, especially after his Dad had put a measurable distance between himself and Merlin. She hugs him quickly. 

 

"It really is nice to meet you Merlin. Sorry that it took Arthur so long to feel comfortable to be with you, openly. Don't worry about Urther, he's more angry about the lying, if anything." She says before tapping his side kindly and following her husband.

 

Finally Merlin can walk to his first destination, Morgana already long gone. 

 

"You survived your first meeting with Uther Pendragon, you should be proud." Arthur quips and Merlin laughs, nervously, knowing most of the people standing close by are staring at them.

 

"Did you mean what you said about spending the rest of your life with me? Can you actually imagine that?" He asks tentatively. He's scared Arthur might say it was more of a spur of the moment thing, to give his speech more meaning.

 

"Of course I did. I meant every word of it, that included. I love you Merlin, it's taken me a long time to admit I know, but I do. Do you want me to shout it out cause I will! I LOV-" 

 

"No, no it's fine. I believe you." Merlin says quickly; laughing hard, for the first time in a while, putting his hand over his mouth. 

 

Arthur eyes gleam, and Merlin can only shriek as his tongue licks across his hand, pulling it away in disgust. 

 

He wipes his hand on his gown, as Arthur laughs.

 

"That is disgusting you know, you're way too old to resort to those kind of tactics." Merlin said, but he couldn't help laughing again. He really had missed this. Missed him.

 

"You love it." Arthur said, and all of a sudden his face was closer to Merlin's (and when did that happen?) and he was leaning down in front of everyone, had he forgotten they were on a field full of people, and kissing Merlin.

 

Somehow he still went weak at the knees after all this time, not caring if other people saw as he wraps his arms around Arthur's shoulders, as Arthur's own go around his waist, holding him tightly.

 

"I've missed you." Merlin says when they eventually pull apart, his breath coming out in pants. Arthur grins, moving back, but grabbing Merlin's hand instead. 

 

"I have too." Arthur admits, and Merlin wishes he could freeze time, stay in this moment forever.

 

From behind them an 'Oi!' Is heard. They look around towards the sound and obviously it's Gwaine. 

 

"Come on love birds, we've got some serious celebrating to do!" He said, and the rest of the group cheers, parents included.

 

Merlin noticed that Morgana was now standing with Will, two of the only people in the group who aren't looking over at them. He wonders if earlier on in the week, when Will said he had bumped in to her, he had been lying like he thought. 

 

Instead they're talking to each other, barely taking there eyes off one another, and Merlin wonders if Arthur's noticed. 

 

At this rate, he thinks, they'll be no single people left in their group.

 

They're standing with the rest of the group now, still holding hands Merlin is glad to report, when Lance looks nervously over at Arthur.

 

They seem to be having a private conversation in their heads, Arthur's eyes widening, nodding over to someone in the group. Lance seems to nod too, breathing deeply, building himself up for something.

 

He clears his throat, twice, before everyone will quiet down, and his eyes fall on Gwen.

 

"Well, now these two have gotten their heads screwed on and gotten over themselves," He makes a point to look at Arthur, "I er, I've got a question. To ask you Gwen..." 

 

______________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's the last chapter guys hope you liked it. Sorry if Merlin changes how he feels a lot, a couple of weeks pass since the video was sent out, so he's had time to reflect on whats really important. 
> 
> I don't think Will and Morgana are usually put together as a couple, but in this story I thought they would make sense. Plus it was a nice surprise for you all, that's going to be continued in to the Epilogue. 
> 
> Very excited for the epilogue (if you didn't already realise) which is going to be about the question Lance was asking Gwen. If you don't know what it is now, then you'll just have to wait and see because I don't want to spoil it! That will be I'm afraid the last part too *sobs*. 
> 
> Thanks to WanderingPrincess and SerenaOfTheMerthurianLegend for your comments, as always :).


	6. Epilogue: Something Old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are cordially invited to Gwen and Lance's wedding.  
> (Enjoy!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last instalment of 'Hook, Line and Sinker.' 
> 
> I'm actually quite sad this is over. I know its my first story, but I'm really proud if it. Thank you to everyone that read this, be it the whole story or just one sentence, it means the world to me that you think my writing is good enough to spend time reading. 
> 
> I've had a lot of fun writing about a wedding. Although most of my information come from TV programmes like 'Don't Tell the Bride' and from being invited to a few, so sorry if its not entirely accurate. I had a lot of fun finding out about wedding dresses though! 
> 
> Also there is going to be a big surprise about half way through this, but don't worry it will be solved by the end. 
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has commented or sent kudos, they mean the world to me. If I have to single anyone out a massive thank you to WanderingPrincess, Dutch_Girl_Jessie, Pinkypiejr12 and SerenaOfTheMethurianLegend for being so dedicated, for your lovely comments and for going through this with me! Sorry for some of the late updates, but I think the story made up for it. Right?
> 
> Anyway enjoy the last chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> I will be back very soon, with another Methur fic :).

________________

 

'Cause I've had my heart  
Broken before,  
And I promised I would never  
Let me hurt anymore.  
But I tore down my walls  
And opened my doors.  
And made room for one  
So baby I'm yours.

Oh baby I'm yours.

_________________

 

| December 2018 (A year and a half later.) |

 

The car screeched to a halt outside of the looming church, and Merlin took a deep breath and looked over at Gwen. This was it. What they had been preparing for, for the last year, was finally happening. 

 

Gwen had already tried to buy herself more time, saying her bouquet needed more flowers, and that her necklace wasn't the same colour as her earrings. Merlin had asked if it really mattered, and had got his head bitten off; Gwen shouting back 'it matters to me!' If Merlin didn't know any better, he'd think Gwen didn't want to get married.

 

They both lingered for a moment, Merlin looking back at Gwen expectantly. He didn't blame her for being nervous but they only had the church booked for another hour. They needed to have this wedding now.

 

"Merlin you need to go and check if everyone's ready!" Gwen demanded. 

 

"Everyone is ready, I've had three texts from Arthur asking us where we are, we need to go." 

 

Gwen glanced over at the church, the cluster of bridesmaids (Freya, Morgana and Morgause in matching deep purple dresses), the ring bearer, the flower girl and Gwen's Dad, look back at her expectantly. Except for Morgana who had been in a mood all day. Merlin hadn't been brave enough to ask why. She bites her lip for a second and fiddles with her vail. 

 

Even in mid day light, it being December and all, meant it was already getting dark; the churches christmas lights already beginning to glow. It was a little cold, but that was to be expected. it was Gwen and Lance's choice after all to get married on the 10th of December. Merlin trying to be optimistic, thought- at least it isn't raining. Merlin looked back at Gwen, took her hand in his.

 

"Come on Gwen. I know you're nervous, this is a big decision for anyone, but there's a guy in there that loves you. That asked you to marry him in front of all your friend at your graduation. And you said yes and we all cried!" Merlin stated, and Gwen laughs, tears bubbling in her eyes now. 

 

"He's going to be nervous too, but you can do this- together. I can't imagine you with anyone else then Lance, the man you've loved for the last four years. You're meant to be. So come on are we doing this or what?" Merlin asked, opening his door. 

 

Gwen nods, smiling again now, and Merlin jumped out to open her door. He offered her his hand again, and she takes it graciously, making sure her dress doesn't get ruined. 

 

Its a simple design, mermaid silhouette (thats what Gwen called it anyway), with a lace back and lace detail at the bottom. It had taken her hours to choose, but when she finally did find it Gwen's face had shone, whilst she squealed 'This is it!' Merlin had been more relieved then anything, happy to get out of the third wedding shop they had been in that day. 

 

As he was the maid of honour it was apparently mandatory that he came wedding shopping at least. The most fun had been not being able to tell Arthur what the dress had looked like. Apparently Gwen was suspicious about that kind of thing. 

 

And that had really annoyed Arthur.

 

He walks her over to the door, her Father sighing with relief, Gwen rushing over to him immediately. The bridesmaids give Merlin inquisitive looks, asking him what was wrong, and he mouths 'wardrobe malfunction'. Nobody needed to know Gwen was nervous. 

 

Morgause ran in to quickly tell them they were ready, and the buzz of noise that could be heard from outside was replaced with slow organ music. Merlin smiled reassuringly at Gwen. Everything would be fine, as long as nothing went wrong.

 

As she was the nicest of the three, Freya has been given the job of walking the flower girl and ring bearer down the aisle. The girl however had already started throwing her petals on the ground, but luckily she was Gwen's cousin, so a firm 'not until the music starts Eliza' stopped her. 

 

They walked in first, followed closely behind by Merlin, his arms linked with Morgause and Morgana. They must have looked a sight, Merlin thought, not used to having two birds on his arms. He laughed to himself, as they moved down the aisle after Freya and the so far well behaved children, the flower girl happily emptying her basket on to the floor. 

 

Merlin prayed it would last. 

 

When they came in to view, there was a loud wolf whistle from the front, and Merlin knew it was from a certain Londoner, a ripple of laughter travelling across the room. 

 

He glanced at Lance who looked as nervous as Gwen, but his eyes nearly instantly moved to the man beside him, his best man, who was staring back at him. Taking in the view of Arthur Pendragon in a suit, all clean lines and tight trousers, Merlin would've lost his footing if it wasn't for Morgause and Morgana beside him. 

 

They also passed Percival in the audience, with his girlfriend. They hadn't seen him much since University, he lived up in Aberdeen, hadn't had much of chance to travel down. Probably why he hadn't really been able to get involved in any of the wedding. It was nice to have the whole gang back together though.

 

By what Merlin could tell, Arthur was enjoying the view too, looking him up and down as he walked closer to the front of the church. He'd been almost too happy to go suit shopping with Merlin (being the maid of honour it didn't seem right going with the other Grooms Men) telling him which tie looked best, with each shirt. 

 

In the end he had come in the changing room and taken over completely, much to Merlin's delight. Lets just say Merlin didn't buy his suit from that shop, would probably never buy a suit (or anything for that matter) from that shop ever again.

 

The flower girl and ring bearer were handed over to their parents, in the piers nearest to the front of the church. Freya didn't exactly fancy looking after them for the whole wedding ceremony.

 

They stopped on the other side of Lance, everyone's eyes leaving them to watch the Bride and her proud father walk down the aisle, Lance's eyes glowing with love and admiration. He loved watching the grooms at weddings. It really made you believe in their love for each other.

 

Arthur however only scanned Gwen's dress, returning to Merlin before mouthing 'you look hot in that suit. I choose well.' And it was lucky everyone was watching the blushing bride as Merlin was sure he had turned red, his ears tinged pink. He shook his head at Arthur, smiling in spite of himself. He hoped his Mum wasn't watching, knew she was in the audience somewhere. He mouthed back 'thanks, you scrub up pretty well yourself.' 

 

Arthur made a sort of 'well obviously.' Kind of face, before winking at Merlin, and turning to Gwen, who was kissing her Dad; having just arrived at the front of the church. 

 

The music came to a dramatic crescendo and the guests sat down, the vicar stepping forward for the ceremony to begin.

 

"We are gathered here today..." 

_________________

 

The ceremony mostly goes without a hitch (except for the young ring bearer falling asleep just before he has to hand over the rings, and his Mum having to go up and sheepishly hand them over herself) and they are soon nearing the end of Lance's vows, Gwen having gone first, his voice shaking just a little.

 

"You may now kiss the bride." The vicar says, smiling. 

 

Lance and Gwen look at each other for a second, which is just long enough for Gwaine to shout "Go on then, before somebody else does!" Leon sighs, mostly in endearment. Merlin doubts Leon could ever really be mad at Gwaine, no matter how much he embarrasses him. 

 

Like Gwaine says 'he's in too deep now. He could never love someone as much as he loves me.' 

 

Lance looks back at Gwaine for a second, practically growling, before turing to Gwen and dipping her low, like something out of a film, before kissing her softly. 

 

Gwen kisses him back, shrieking at the low angle, as everyone else cheers, the music starting up again. 

 

The guests rush out quickly, ready to throw confetti on the wedding party. The grooms men and bridesmaids follow behind them, Arthur leaving the rest of the grooms to walk out with Merlin, his arm around his shoulder. 

 

"Doesn't Gwen look amazing?" Merlin breaths, watches Gwen and Lance covered in confetti, posing for pictures; tears in both of their eyes. He notices Hunith at the front of the group, along with Gwen's parents, asking them, to move this way and that to get the best picture. The church bells go off in the distance, ringing out to declare Gwen and Lance's commitment to each other.

 

"Yeah," Arthur starts, leaning down to whisper in Merlin's ear, "but not as amazing as you." He finishes, Merlin rolling his eyes, but excepting the compliment.

 

"You're such a flirt. And anyway your biased." He answers.

 

"That is true. But one of Lance's guests has been staring at you since you walked in to church, and I'm going to kiss you now so he knows you're taken." And before Merlin can reply, Arthur is grabbing the back of his head and pulling him in to a breath taking kiss, and all Merlin can do is kiss back as hard as Arthur is. 

 

They break apart minutes later, Merlin subtly searching the crowd for the boy that is making Arthur so jealous. His eyes fall on a boy, he can't be much older then 18, with a crest fallen expression on his face.

 

He smiles over at him awkwardly, and the boy turns away, Merlin looking at Arthur to see he's sweetly waving over at him, while his face screams murder. 

 

"Hey that was a bit harsh wasn't it? He's only young." 

 

"We didn't go through all of that shit in the last year of Uni, just to have some junior come along and steal you from me." Arthur states, sternly, and Merlin can't help but roll his eyes. 

 

"He's at least 18." 

 

"I don't care how old he is, he's not-" 

 

"For gods sake Arthur! I'm not going to leave you for anyone. I love you and you know that, you're just being melodramatic." Merlin shouts, just as Freya has walked over, her eyes going wide; like a rabbit caught in the headlights. 

 

"Are you guys okay? Its just Gwen wants to have the pictures now, before it gets too dark." She asks, nervously scratching her arm, a habit Merlin has learnt to pick up on over the last two years.

 

"We're fine Freya, its just Arthur being stupid," he explains, his eyes travelling to Arthur's for some support. 

 

"Yeah, yeah Freya that's fine. We'll come over now." Arthur says, and Freya looking a lot more relaxed, goes back over to the rest of the group.

 

"Come on." Merlin says, reaching for Arthur's hand, intertwining their fingers, leading him over to the party; a photographer already getting them in to picture worthy poses.

 

Merlin notices again that Morgana, doesn't look very happy, Will looking over at her, face full of concern and...stress. What is up with those two today, Merlin thought.

 

The man doesn't seem to fully understand at first, Merlin having to explain that, yes he knows he's a bloke but he is in fact the maid of honour; much to Will and Gwaine's amusement. Merlin sometimes wishes he had an easier roll. But Gwen had looked so hopeful when she first asked him, and he could never say no to her puppy dog eyes. 

 

They pose for what feels like hours, the cameraman wanting them in height order, then in wedding rolls, then with respective others. Gwaine enjoys that picture the most- kissing Leon the second he clicks the button, Gwen demanding they take another one, straight away.

 

Eventually they're allowed to go, Gwen and Lance going to take their separate couple photos. 

 

Now came the strenuous task of finding cars to fit all of them in, to go to the reception. Lance and Gwen obviously got their own car, but that left ten of them to fit in to Arthur and Leon's cars. 

 

Morgause, Gwaine, Leon, Percival and his girlfriend, Joanna got in to Leon's car, laughing at something Gwaine had said, the radio cranked up playing 'Give me your love' by Sigma. 

 

Merlin and Arthur were left having to take Arthur's car alongside Freya, Will and Morgana, which led to a very awkward car drive indeed. 

 

Merlin looked back, his heart aching for Freya who had to be in the middle of it, Morgana stubbornly looking out the window; while Will every now and then glanced over at her, his leg moving rapidly.

 

He wanted to ask what was going on, but was frightened at what the answer would be. 

 

Exchanging a glance with Arthur, tells him he's noticed the tension too. Since they started dating, properly, they've gradually began to learn how to talk to each other, only using their eyes. Merlin is more proud of it then he'd like to admit. 

 

By the time they'd reached the receptions venue they had decided to get what ever was bothering out of them. They weren't going to let it ruin Gwen and Lance's big day; no matter how unintentional. 

 

Merlin would ask Will and Arthur, Morgana (them being siblings and all.) 

 

Gwen and Lance had decided to have the reception outside a hotel, 15 minutes from the church. Gwen had insisted, even though she knew it would be cold, that they had it outside. All of the tables were decked out with centre pieces, that Merlin could remember Gwen spending hours choosing, the chairs wrapped in lilac fabric, tied in the shape of a bow at the back. 

 

They were all sheltered by a gazebo, the seating plan on a board in one corner, Freya rushing over to it immediately. Merlin knew where he was sitting anyway. At the front two seats down from Gwen, six from Arthur, he'd made sure to remember.

 

Jars holding lit candles were dotted around the canopy, already glowing as it was getting darker by the minute, a make shift dance floor setting the scene in the middle of the vast space. A DJ was set up nearby, disco lights ready to glow on the floor later on. When the dancing began, Merlin thought with a grin. 

 

A moveable bar sat at the other end of the gazebo, alcoholic and soft drinks ready to be poured, a waiter shaking cocktails, early guests already taking advantage of the free bar. 

 

Gwen and Lance were greeting everyone as more people arrived, handing presents over and offering words of congratulations. 

 

"I'll grab Morgana, you get Will. Lets try and get to the bottom of this before-" Just as Arthur finishes his sentence, Morgause runs over shouting about the dinner nearly being ready to serve, and that shes been given the job of helping people find there seats. He hears Arthur groan from behind him, and say 'before we get distracted' only in his earshot.

 

Not wanting to do it alone, she convinces Merlin to help, Merlin only getting to mouth a quick 'sorry' to Arthur before Morgause is pulling him away over to a cluster of guests, decked out in dresses and suits. 

 

As he looks back at Arthur smirking, the bastard, he reads 'don't worry, we'll sort it out later' before he is pulled back round to talk to Gwen's great Aunt who doesn't understand why she's been put on table three, and not table two. 

 

Its going to be a long day, Merlin thinks. 

________________

 

| Arthur's pov |

 

He watches as Merlin is helplessly dragged away from him, being forced to help intimidating guests find their seats (even though theirs a board right there, and its written in black and white. Arthur really doesn't understand some people.) 

 

He notices Morgana stood by one of the stands of the gazebo, looking miserable in a sea of cheesy grins, families taking pictures with relatives. She's staring at someone from across the room, her arms folded, frowning. 

 

Deciding on the spot, he walks over to her determined to find out what's up with her and Will. Sometimes people forget that although they argue constantly, and Morgana gets on his nerves at the best of times, she is his sister. 

 

He wants to help her. 

 

As she sees him walking over she narrows her eyes, her face turning back to whatever she was staring at before. 

 

Arthur finally comes to stand beside her, on the other side of the stand, and follows her gaze across the room. Arthur is a little confused to see that it lands on Will, who is standing with Gwaine and Leon, his face distorted from laughing at something Gwaine has just said. 

 

"Is there a reason you're standing over here, staring at your boyfriend? You look like you're plotting his murder." Arthur says, Morgana looking like she's seriously considering it. 

 

"I should be," she answers, her voice lowering, "Yesterday I...I told him I might be pregnant-" 

 

"What?!" Arthur yells, startling Lance's grandmother, who is stood nearby. 

 

"Arthur shh! We hadn't exactly planned it-" 

 

"Why would you get pregnant, planned or not, now? You've barely been dating five minutes, what is Father going to say-" 

 

"For gods sake Arthur shut up! I'd rather the whole wedding party didn't know yet. I'm not even sure if we're going to keep it." Morgana whispers back, looking round worriedly, to see if anyone's listening. 

 

"Too right you're not. Are you sure anyway?" Arthur says back, lowering his voice, folding his arms sternly.

 

"Er, Yeah pretty sure. There's this thing you can buy from a chemists called a 'pregnancy test' that are normally pretty accurate. And funnily enough this isn't actually your choice, or our Fathers. Its mine and Will's. I was all for having the baby, after I'd had time to think about it, but when I told Will he just...froze. Then he asked me if I was lying? About that!" She hissed, her eyes turing back to Will again, who now looked deep in thought.

 

"We had a massive row, and we haven't really spoken all day. Just glared at each other. Arthur, I don't know what to do." She said, and this was the closest he had ever seen Morgana get to crying, oh my god, he thought. 

 

Without thinking, he grabbed Morgana and pulled her in to a hug. It was uncomfortable to say the least, and Morgana awkwardly patted his back; wasn't sure what else to do in this situation. 

 

They pulled away after a couple of seconds, and Arthur saw Morgana wipe a few specs of dust from under her eyes (or were they tears? He couldn't possibly comment.) 

 

"You need to really think about whether Will is ready to help you care and look after this baby. You won't have any issues with money, Mother will be able to convince Father to help you- if you need it. But you shouldn't have to raise him or her on your own." Arthur starts, his face breaking in to cautious smile.

 

"Will needs to step up, be there for you. He might not want to keep this baby, not because its yours but he might not be ready. But overcome that hurdle if you get to it. I'm guessing that he'd love to have a baby with you, but he got nervous and spoke before he'd thought his words through. You just need to both stop being idiots and talk to each other." He says, and Morgana laughs tearily, looking back over to where Will was standing. 

 

Or was standing before, but had now disappeared. As he looked around he noticed that most people had sat down, Morgause and Merlin still directing the last newcomers to their seats, and nudged Morgana, silently telling her to sit down at her table. 

 

It looked like the dinner was about to begin. 

 

________________

 

| Merlin's pov |

 

Merlin had seen Arthur talking to Morgana before, but hadn't had a chance to see what they'd been talking about, because he was too busy helping guests to their seats. (Which he still wasn't too happy to be dragged in to, but Morgause had always scared him a little, so he hadn't been able to say no.)

 

Finally everyone was seated, finally, and Merlin jogged over to his seat, Gwen's Dad tapping the edge of his glass to get everyone's attention. 

 

Mothers quietened their children, telling them to sit down and listen. The parties heads all turned towards Gwen's Dad, and he grabbed Gwen's hand before starting to speak.

 

"Thank you so much everyone, for being able to join us and witness the marriage of my daughter to my new son-in-law. I knew the minute I met Lance, that Gwen loved him and was going to be with him for the rest of her life. And I didn't mind. He's proven over the last 5 years that he'll be there for her through anything, and love her unconditionally. And that's enough for me. So raise a glass everyone to the bride and groom, and to their many, many years of happiness together." He finished, everyone reaching for their glasses of champagne, Morgana an orange juice (odd, Merlin thought). He'd been keeping an eye on her and Will since the dinner had started.

 

All he could say, is that they had been being very quiet. If you knew Will and Morgana at all, you would know they weren't the quiet types. Will was sat with the rest of the best men at Lance's side, but didn't stop staring over at Morgana. They both kept looking over at each other, at different times and it made Merlin want to rip his hair out. 

 

The rest of the speeches were delivered, Lance and Gwen thanking everyone for today- a laugh going across the room when they thanked Merlin 'the maid of honour' Gwaine whistling at him, like old times- Arthur's best man speech slick and funny. He noticed Will, still staring at Morgana with a sad expression on his face, and he decided when the speeches were over, he would grab him and demand to know whats going on.

 

The meal was served, prawn cocktail for the starter and roast dinner for the main course, and then it was time to cut the cake. 

 

Merlin was already bored of wedding cake, having been out for four hours with Gwen when she'd first decided what design and cake maker to go for. Thinking about it Gwen had taken a long time over choosing a lot of the wedding elements. Merlin really had been the most patient, calm maid of honour; even in the most frustrating times. 

 

Even if he did say so himself.

_______________

 

"You did what?!" Merlin screeched, his voice travelling away on the wind, him and Will standing outside the gazebo; the guests too busy watching Gwen and Lance in their first slow dance to '5 Years Time' by Noah and the Whale, hands wrapped around each other. 

 

They only had eyes for each other, swaying to the beat, Lance whispering in Gwen's ear; her giggle lost on the melody of the song.

 

"It was a bit of a shock, I didn't know what to say." 

 

"So you asked her if she was lying? Are you really that stupid!" Merlin asked again, scoffing at the thought of it. Will really could be an arse sometimes. 

 

"I know, but how would you feel if Arthur told you he was pregnant?" Will asked.

 

"Well for one thing, I would never actually have to worry about that happening, as its not possible. But if he did tell me something as big as that, I'd support him. You need to support Morgana! It's your baby too." 

 

Will groaned, throwing his head in his hands. He slumped down on a nearby bench, Merlin sitting next to him. 

 

The day has faded in to the night, Merlin thinks its about 6 o'clock now, already pitch black, the lights from the glass jars, passing shadows over Will's face; making him look sadder. 

 

"It's just...a surprise ya know? We've been together for over a year now, but I didn't expect to have children with her. Not yet anyway. Could I imagine marrying Morgana?" Will wonders, more to himself then Merlin. 

 

Merlin looks over at Morgana, where he knows she is standing with Arthur, his arm around her, as they watch Gwen and Lance move to the beat, the song nearly over. He realises now, that this was probably what they talking about earlier. 

 

He's proud that Arthur's being so supportive, I've taught him well he thinks grinning to himself. He turns back to Will nudging him for an answer.

 

"Yeah. I mean not right now, I don't want to get married because shes pregnant, but when we're more settled down...yes. I would love to be able to marry her." Will said, smiling at Merlin like he had had an epiphany. 

 

"Do you want to her to have your baby?" Merlin asks exasperated. 

 

"Yeah of course if she wants it too. Still, after the way I've treated her." Will says, his hands in a death grip. 

 

Merlin then suddenly jumps up, pulling Will with him. He drags him in to the gazebo and wraps his hand around his shoulders. 

 

"Why are still standing here with me? Go and tell her that, you fool!" He shouted over the music, pushing him in Morgana's direction. Will glanced back at him, smiling sheepishly, before he continued. 

 

Merlin crossed his fingers, whilst Arthur (who had already noticed him walking over to them,) excused himself before Morgana could do anything about it; Will already standing in front of her.

 

"Your pep talk better have been good." Arthur whispers, his breath close to Merlin's ear. He turns around, their faces millimetres apart. 

 

"Don't worry. It was." Merlin replies, smiling wisely. Arthur is just leaning in to kiss him, Merlin closing his eyes; ready to except it when, "Merlin!" 

 

It was Gwen running over, Lance struggling to keep up, her dress' trail flowing behind her. "Lets dance, I'm married!" She shouts, tipsily. Merlin hears Arthur sigh. He hates dancing. 

 

Arthur insists its because he's too old for it, but really he's got two left feet- he just won't admit it.

 

"Come on." Merlin says, pulling on his hand, trying to convince Arthur with his best puppy dog eyes. 

 

| Arthur's pov |

 

He leans in to Merlin, whispering "you go ahead, I'm just going to check everything's okay, ya know running smoothly." Arthur says, cringing at the rubbish excuse, but tugging his hand away and walking backwards before Merlin can stop him. 

 

"Go for it!" Arthur yells, and Merlin shrugs and answers "okay. See you in a bit?" He says, even as Gwen drags him in the other direction. 

 

Arthur nods, watching as Merlin moves to the middle of the dance floor, the lights casting shadows over his face, turning his skin shades of blue and purple. 

 

Trying to ignore the 18 year old undressing Merlin with his eyes, he turns around and heads over to the bar.

 

He needs a drink.

______________

 

Later on, and Merlin is still dancing, 'Still in to You' by Paramore blasting from the DJ box, the floor full of grannies shaking their hips and cousins attempting to body pop. Hunith had joined Merlin and Gwen on the dance floor, the latter clapping as they attempted to ballroom dance together; sultry faces included. Arthur can't help but laugh as he watches.

 

"Hey." He turns to see who's speaking and is met with Morgana who is...smiling? At him? 

 

"Hiya. You alright?" He says, not taking his eye off of Merlin, the young boy still a good 10 feet away from him. Better stay that way, Arthur thinks enviously. 

 

"Couldn't be better!" She answers grinning widely. "Will and I have talked, about everything. Ya know whether we can actually afford to look after this baby. But long story short, Will wants to! And with that contract Merlin and him just signed with BBC for their new show, I think we will be able to properly look after our baby." 

 

She grabs Arthur's hand, so he has to look over at her. "Thank you Arthur, for talking me out of doing something stupid, like breaking up with him." 

 

She sighs long and hard before saying "It's going to be hard, but we'll do it together. I'm just glad he wants to be with me, with us. And Will said Merlin spoke to him too. You've got a good one their Arthur. Don't let him slip away." Morgana says, squeezing Arthur's hand. 

 

She leaves him, weaving through the groups of people, back over to Will. He welcomes her in to his arms when she arrives next to him, his arms wrapping around her waist. Arthur knows they'll be just fine. 

 

He thinks about what Morgana said and looks back over at Merlin. She's right as always. He shouldn't waste any time that he could be spending with Merlin, worrying about what other people think.

 

He grew out of that a long time ago. 

 

As if Arthur's life was a rom-com 'Make you feel my Love' by Bob Dylan comes on the radio, the DJ saying 'its time to slow things down a bit.' 

 

Everyone breaks away from each other, couples coming together, whilst single people run off the floor looking for somewhere to hide.

 

Merlin stands awkwardly, not sure whether he should stay where he is or leave, feeling in the way of the other dancers. Sensing an opportunity Arthur quickly jumps up, creeping up on Merlin from behind.

 

"Excuse me sir, may I have this dance?" He asks, bowing a little, and offering Merlin's back his hand. 

 

Merlin's face looks confused at first as he looks round, but it quickly breaks in to a grin, looking down at Arthur's hand.

 

"You want to dance? Really?" 

 

"Of course. I want to dance with you." Arthur clarifies, Merlin blushing a little. He nods accepting his offer, and they wrap their arms around each other, Arthur attempting to sway to the rhythm as Bob Dylan sings 'I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong.' 

 

Merlin laughs as their feet get caught, but Arthur strives on and eventually he keeps up with the music.

 

"Am I dreaming this or are you actually dancing with me, and embarrassing yourself in front of all of these people?" Merlin asks.

 

"What can I say, I can't resist this song. And I didn't want that guy to get in first." Arthur says raising his eyebrows, and Merlin rolls his eyes. The boy in question is dancing with someone else thankfully, seems to have forgotten about Merlin completely. 

 

"Don't ruin the moment. Can't resist me either I presume." Merlin replies and Arthur laughs, giving him a kiss as the song continued. 

 

"You do realise I'd never cheat on you right? I love you, you idiot." Merlin says, laughing, even though his eyes show the worry he's having trouble hiding.

 

"I know," Arthur answers, "I'm just making sure." He says smirking. 

 

| Merlin's pov | 

 

Merlin still couldn't believe they were dancing together, could see his Mum looking over at them, her face full of pride. She was also talking to one of Lance's uncles, flirting like a teenager. Oh no, he thought. He'd have to keep an eye on them. 

 

But he could think about that later, his attention moving back to Arthur.

 

And outside the first flake of snow fall, drifting white, through the vast, clear, blue sky. Finally Merlin can say he's happy, in that moment. 

 

With Arthur, at their best friends wedding, dancing to one of Arthur's favourite songs; while cheesy lights twinkle above them, draped around the gazebo. In that moment he wouldn't change a single thing.

 

FIN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to clarify that Will and Morgana are 22-23 in this so don't worry they are old enough to look after and care for a baby.
> 
> Like I said before I might not write for a couple of months, as I'm going to try and get back in to the school routine before I do. I am also on crutches, just thought I'd let you know, I broke a bone in my foot, so I've been in and out of hospital for the last week. That is also why this has taken a while to write!
> 
> But my Merlin/10 things I hate about you fic IS happening. So watch this space.
> 
> Thank you again for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed the epilogue.  
> ___________
> 
> Update December 2016.  
> I was bored so I added titles to all of the chapters. So enjoy reading those and having a good laugh!
> 
> Update April 2017- so I've decided to scrap the 10 things about you fusion (it was so hard to write) I'm sorry if anyone was looking forward to it! Anybody is free to steal it, someone else could probably do it justice way better then I could. 
> 
> But don't worry I do have a Methur fic in the works, which I think is 100x better anyway. But I'm not giving anything away, haha. 
> 
> I'll make sure to check my spelling/grammar more this time around!


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